Discussion Do you have any friends? And if so, are you open with them about your problems?

[Leonard_Bangley39]

It feels like i cant have friends. I've never had real friends before growing up. The closest I've had to real friends are the friends i met online. They were the only people i openly told about my suicidal feelings. But i treated them like shit and kept lashing out, and now they're gone. I miss them a lot. I miss having people to just talk to about anything, not necessarily about my problems. I wish i could just wipe my memory completely, over and over i cant stop thinking about what he said before he left me. About how i treated them. I just want to stop thinking about it. I would've rather stayed alone forever than this.

 

[Afterglow]

If you count online friends, then yes. Quite a few. In real life, none.

The only people I'm fully open with are the ones I met here. They're similar to me. They don't try to fix me or question every decision I make. I can say what I'm actually feeling without it turning into a lecture from them.

My other friends, the stable ones, I keep that part of myself separate. I don't think they'd understand it, and I don't want to be more of a burden on them.

And if I'm honest, I don't want them to see how deep the cracks run.

 

[thelostautistic]

I have a few friends. But I don't share how much I'm struggling with them. I don't see the point in talking about how I feel to people in real life because nobody truly understands me and I don't want to bring anyone down. I also have a lot of trust issues. I'd rather talk about how I feel on the forum because suicide discussion isn't a taboo here.

 

[EternallyCold]

I'm sorry to hear to hear about that. It sounds like you're going through a really tough time right now and feeling lots of pain and regret for what you did and it's normal to reflect on your past and your mistakes and everything and what you could've done differently but you need to learn to forgive yourself. I have a friend group but I don't talk to them much or hang out with them much but I do have a really close friend in there that I've basically shared everything to. I feel so bad that they have to deal with my bullshit and that I've dumped all this them. If it helps you can talk to me, just know that I'm always here for you

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

I'm sorry to hear to hear about that. It sounds like you're going through a really tough time right now and feeling lots of pain and regret for what you did and it's normal to reflect on your past and your mistakes and everything and what you could've done differently but you need to learn to forgive yourself. I have a friend group but I don't talk to them much or hang out with them much but I do have a really close friend in there that I've basically shared everything to. I feel so bad that they have to deal with my bullshit and that I've dumped all this them. If it helps you can talk to me, just know that I'm always here for you

thank you, it really means a lot

 

[comeoutandhauntme]

i have some of the best irl friends in the world and i love them so dearly. but nobody knows how badly i am doing or even that i'm struggling at all. i do very good at faking it, and also just see no point in talking to them abt my problems. none of my issues are anything that they can fix, telling them would only burden them and raise concern for me that would make it harder for me to ctb

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

ive got a couple friends. im not super open with them but its gotten impossible to hide how bad im doing so they do know i am struggling and that i am depressed. ive told a few of them a teeny bit. my room mate knows that i feel extremely lonely. my best friend knows i have anxiety around death although i didn't go into detail about how my worry is more around wanting to die but worrying what could go wrong with it. i have got one other friend who i think kinda knows that i am suicidal. he is too and i have wondered if i could be more open with him but i dont know.

 

[LonelyPrince]

It feels like i cant have friends. I've never had real friends before growing up. The closest I've had to real friends are the friends i met online. They were the only people i openly told about my suicidal feelings. But i treated them like shit and kept lashing out, and now they're gone. I miss them a lot. I miss having people to just talk to about anything, not necessarily about my problems. I wish i could just wipe my memory completely, over and over i cant stop thinking about what he said before he left me. About how i treated them. I just want to stop thinking about it. I would've rather stayed alone forever than this.

I sorta relate to your situation.
I treated some people like shit too and either they left of I abandoned them myself.
I think that when you are severely depressed it's unfortunately common to lash out at the ones closest to you...either that or bottle up everything until you explode.

Ruminating on the past won't change it, you can only look forward. I know it's not that simple because I too have many regrets.

You can have friends, you deserve some just like anybody else. We all make mistakes, doesn't mean you are doomed to repeat them.

 

[kk13]

i have a few at college but none of them know im suicidal. they probably know im depressed evevn though i havent told them. its quite obvious. everyine can sort of tell and it makes me sad because thats not who ia m. and once people start treating me that way i push them away. i even had a best friend of several years but i pushed her away and ghosted her in november. she still tries to text and call me. i still follow her instagram and every month she posts a photodump and im always in it. i feel bad but im gonna die anyway.
i had an online friend too, i had told him i was gonna die before my first attempt. i didnt tell him i survived and i dont think i should.

 

[kuroshimi]

Until I got to the university I didn't have any friends in real life and I mostly communicate on the internet. The people that I've met on the internet were literally my salvation. Probably I would be more lonely without them.
Hereafter, nothing has changed, but at university I met a lot of wonderful people with whom I can share interests.

Still, I openly talk about my suicidal feelings with a couple of internet friends and they are very supportive and somewhat struggling themselves. The rest remain in dark.