Do you have a time limit?

[Livingvsdying25]

Honestly, id kinda lost hope on CTB. i refused to give up and here i am.

I do not want to keep living.

My time limit is kinda open bc i want to do this right. This takes time and energy.

Max a yr or something for me

Although i can't imagine having to stick it out day by day like this. The pretending I'm a have to do.

Like my last moments will be about concealing all of this so no one suspects anything. So i can leave as clean as possible.

It's hard and I'm wasting a lot in the worth of day today. There ain't much

I don't do anything and honestly, I've tried and i guess could keep trying but i don't have it in me anymore. I don't want to have it in me.

Then i think about how l be gone gone so its ok if it takes time bc i know it'll be worth it.

I'm just kinda of really fucking sick of everything. I can't wait to leave all of this.

If I was just living for me id be doing what I'm doing but even less. I hate doing anything. I hate pretending.

My body is getting more and more weak and there's such a calm over all this storm. I just need to plan it all out.

 

[Hennessy]

I don't have a time limit because I wouldn't be able to keep it. I struggle a lot with my survival Instinct.

So far I have no suicide attempts, and I want to be sure that I am successful when I actually do it.

I wish I was never born.

 

[Reaper44]

I have a time limit, but it's only because the city is planning to put barriers on the bridge I want to jump off, and so far the designs for the barriers look like they might actually work. The first few times I had a time limit it never worked out.

 

[Manja]

I have 9 days left and my SN is nowhere near to come if ever...fml

 

[Tearygirl]

I wanted to ctb before christmas, but i don't think my SN will arrive then.

 

[Azzy69]

Before the new year if I don't chicken out again

 

[Mpez28892]

Ideally? Before my bday in January. But Im really trying to not be impulsive.
As long as it's before 30, I'm good

 

[NeCkDeEp]

As soon as I receive SN, I really hope that it will be before 2020.

 

[TowerUpright]

No deadline. Waiting for an opportunity to be alone for 4 hours away from my home.

 

[Detour]

I'll be really really surprised if I make it to my bday in may

 

[Palacinka]

I don't have time limit, for me the biggest desire is to do that right. I have never tried to ctb before and I want this to be succesfull. My biggest fear is unsucces and life after unsuccesfull ctb.

 

[Quinlor]

I intend "commemorate" Christmas with my family and ctb before new year eve...

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Wow a lot of different answers and perspectives
I wish all that have commented and will comment... I hope you figure it out. What works best for you.

I'm rooting for whatever YOU want to do with life.

 

[BlueWidow]

I didn't have a timeline before, and thought one might be helpful.

First my timeline was just going to be when my SN arrived and I got my plan in place, but then that all occurred right around the beginning of the holiday season.

So then I thought I'd wait till after the holiday season and do it on January 3rd, exactly 37 years after my very first attempt. It seemed like a fitting day.

But. . . . Now that that date is getting closer, all of these weird things are happening. I'm hearing from people that I haven't heard from in decades. And I'm starting to think about whether or not I want to stick around longer and do something with my belongings because I had originally just planned to let whoever was left sort

Therefore, not setting a date didn't help me, and setting a date didn't help me because all I end up doing is pushing it back. I definitely have to do it before June because I want to die when I'm still 50, and I'll be 51 in June of next year.

But then I look at the beginning of next year, and other than January, I think every month has a birthday or something in it. I'm actually thinking now of pushing it back to February 15th. That would be the date that my mother died when I was 3, which set me on the current path that I'm on. It was also my dad's birthday. My mom died on my dad's 44th birthday. Then two years ago, my husband died on his children's birthdays. He has a son and a daughter and they were born three years apart on the same day, and then he died on their birthday.
Isn't that weird how these kind of patterns repeat in a person's life?

 

[Mizzmini45]

I didn't have a timeline before, and thought one might be helpful.

First my timeline was just going to be when my SN arrived and I got my plan in place, but then that all occurred right around the beginning of the holiday season.

So then I thought I'd wait till after the holiday season and do it on January 3rd, exactly 37 years after my very first attempt. It seemed like a fitting day.

But. . . . Now that that date is getting closer, all of these weird things are happening. I'm hearing from people that I haven't heard from in decades. And I'm starting to think about whether or not I want to stick around longer and do something with my belongings because I had originally just planned to let whoever was left sort

Therefore, not setting a date didn't help me, and setting a date didn't help me because all I end up doing is pushing it back. I definitely have to do it before June because I want to die when I'm still 50, and I'll be 51 in June of next year.

But then I look at the beginning of next year, and other than January, I think every month has a birthday or something in it. I'm actually thinking now of pushing it back to February 15th. That would be the date that my mother died when I was 3, which set me on the current path that I'm on. It was also my dad's birthday. My mom died on my dad's 44th birthday. Then two years ago, my husband died on his children's birthdays. He has a son and a daughter and they were born three years apart on the same day, and then he died on their birthday.
Isn't that weird how these kind of patterns repeat in a person's life?

So strange

 

[ImSorryEmma]

Have plans to CTB by the 21' st, since that's a day that's special to me, that is if my SI let me CTB, otherwise, my plan B is at the end of the year.

 

[Lotus1818]

I don't have a time limit perse. I'm kinda waiting for next year so I can marry my fiance and leave the house to her. After that I'll just see how long I can hold out on this earth.

She knows I want to ctb. But doesn't like to think about it. She just wants to have fun and make good memories with me for the time being.

 

[Shakespear's Brother]

I have all the stuff for exit bag and then SN as a back up and keep telling myself, "oh I'll do it on such and such date" and then the date comes and I end up putting it off again. I'm getting fucking fed up with my bullshit.

But it's so important to me to do it when I am not in the middle of an episode of acute suicidality, because I feel like if I am out of sorts, I will screw it up and fail.

CTB is inevitable for me, there is no other choice that makes any sense unless I come into a pile of money. So I guess it boils down to just being scared of failure.

 

[Mizzmini45]

I want to within the next year.

I have all the stuff for exit bag and then SN as a back up and keep telling myself, "oh I'll do it on such and such date" and then the date comes and I end up putting it off again. I'm getting fucking fed up with my bullshit.

But it's so important to me to do it when I am not in the middle of an episode of acute suicidality, because I feel like if I am out of sorts, I will screw it up and fail.

CTB is inevitable for me, there is no other choice that makes any sense unless I come into a pile of money. So I guess it boils down to just being scared of failure.

Yes that impluse will screw u over

 

[Moonicide]

I want to die on the 30th or 31st, simply because I do not want to see 2020. Seeing another year would be too painful for me...
I've been holding back due to the holidays and life has been fucking with me lately because everyone has been so sweet, loving, and supportive. They want to see me do good, they envision the life with me. It's never been life without me... It's hard.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

I need to do it in summer because college/uni (I still didn't quit and I don't really want to but my brain is too sick to contribute).
Also the best would be if I die at 20, but if it fails I don't wanna live past 25-26.

 

[Isittimetogonola]

I have 95% of my letters to people I care about written. The last one I haven't even started to my wife. I feel once that one is done then it will be my time to go. SI is kinda taking over by procrastinating it. So we will see when my time comes.

 

[Mizzmini45]

Ideally? Before my bday in January. But Im really trying to not be impulsive.
As long as it's before 30, I'm good

I don't want to see 35 .

 

[Isittimetogonola]

Knowing what I know now (53), the 30s wasnt that bad for me but since then downhill..lol I can say I empathize completely.

 

[Mizzmini45]

Knowing what I know now (53), the 30s wasnt that bad for me but since then downhill..lol I can say I empathize completely.

How was it not that bad like what made it okay?

 

[Isittimetogonola]

How was it not that bad like what made it okay?

Knowing what I know now (53), the 30s wasnt that bad for me but since then downhill..lol I can say I empathize completely.

Got into a career that sucked the life out of me for 12 yrs. Finally realized my sexuality that put me way into the closet. Realizing that I will never get to live a happy life. Taking care of an elderly parent and having to declare bankruptcy. All my life I have dealt with depression and anxiety. Most recently, probably am bipolar as well. CTB has always been on my mind since I was young. Not gonna rush anything but have come to a decision that to not be a burden, it is just time to go.

 

[Wayfaerer]

My time limit is in May, where my spring semester will end in complete failure.

 

[Isittimetogonola]

Before 30, I had depressive episodes but had a good group of friends, my mom was my biggest confident. Since she died, (3 yrs ago) I am my dads primary caregiver and I am completely empty. Never thought it could spiral down to this point. I agree with everyone that dont be impulsive. I know this is my time to go. Still writing my letters . I believe 2020 is when it will happen.