Discussion Do you have a Sociopath or a Narcissist in your life?

[realjunes]

Is there a sociopath or a narcissist in your life? Did that contribute to you being on this forum?

Here are admittedly incomplete and insufficient definitions:

Sociopath - a person characterized by disregard for other people.

Narcissist - a person who has an inflated sense of self-importance.

Questions:

Did they contribute you being on the SS forum?

What have they done to you and others?

What are the characteristics of the sociopath or narcissist in your life?

What advice do you have as to how one should deal with such people?

Free information:
I have 3 free online publications about these personality types that I will share through PM if anyone wishes to read more. Two are books written by doctors who treated these types and the other is by a self-diagnosed, self-professed malignant narcissist.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I don't want to say who- but yes I've had a few- and yes it's contributed to me being on here. The fckd up thing is, is that because I got used to being around that type of person early on & putting up with that kind of treatment- I became so used to it- and later even probably gravitated towards or attracted yet more people that where quite narcisstic and partly sociopathic- causing me further damage :(

 

[realjunes]

Good point MeltingHeart. However, I believe those personality types have the ability to hone in on vulnerable people, and wreak havoc on whomever they can.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Good point MeltingHeart. However, I believe those personality types have the ability to hone in on vulnerable people, and wreak havoc on whoever they can.
Good point MeltingHeart. However, I believe those personality types have the ability to hone in on vulnerable people, and wreak havoc on whomever they can.

Yeh that's the catch- they totally target the already delicate or damaged people. And what's difficult is that it's such a covert form of control, manipulation, and abuse (often involving gas lighting!) that other people usually don't see it at all- adding to that sense of self doubt and alienation that the sociopath is already trying to build around you. It's utterly devestating to someone already vulnerable. I will be ctb atleast in part due to these type of people- and u know what - they literally won't even care. They ONLY care about themselves. & what they want.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Yes a past extremely abusive ex and my most recent ex both fit the description of a sociopath and a narcissist. They are a huge huge reason why I am on this forum due to the trauma I went through.

I endured physical, mental, and sexual abuse from the one and my last was a lying cheater.

Their characteristics were very charming and charismatic at fist but then became abusive over time. Both were very likable on the outside, had friends, and you would have never guessed they were terrible people. I have always sought love and approval since I had an emotionally absent father and I think that's what made me particularly vulnerable to them. I am still to this day sadly madly in love with my last ex.

 

[realjunes]

Yes. My mother, followed by a husband! Finally broke the cycle. Went NO CONTACT with her. And as much as possible with the now ex-husband; but share a child with, although I do have full custody.

JustVisiting,
That is very good that you were able to break the cycle and go NO CONTACT. I read that these personality types (PT), "feed" on their victims and that gives them sustenance to get stronger and more destructive. Some call the victim their "narcissistic supply" and when that is cut off, they are no longer sustained nd must find a new "supply" to nourish their affliction.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Sociopaths have zero empathy.

Feels weird to be targeted by one as I had empathy by the buckets loads so made it all the more confusing & heart breaking.

 

[Dystopic_Momento]

In the clinical sense yes. Scored on an MMPI for narcissism, wasn't tested for psychopathy but no conscience, afraid of nothing (except being caught) and often said love was a societal myth created to control people. The more he hurts people, the happier he is. No joke, no exaggeration. He looks relaxed and pleased when he does it.

Straight up narcissistic? At least one parent, who knows about the other one. Did they contribute? Yes, absolutely.

If I hadn't tried to leave abuse, I wouldn't be here today. It was the first domino in an unstoppable set. The other dominoes were our legal system (social security and family court) combined with the corrupt healthcare system, big pharma, and a few other similar things.

I think a lot more people are here because of psychopaths or neurotics who act like them than know it. There's a reason our system is set up the way it is.

 

[realjunes]

That is the horror of the situation. Your empathy is a wonderful trait yet at same time it is bait for these PT (personality types).

And as RavenMoon points out the PTs are often have charming and charismatic to people who deal with them only superficially, which creates even more stress on the ones they target, who are often not believed.

 

[MeltingHeart]

That talk about themselves a high percentage of the time (so use "I"'alot) don't ask questions about you/others, they very rarely apologise - unless to manipulate, are highly critical of others yet never admit own faults, they are very bad listeners & will exploit yr weak points to knock u down. However I believe often this behaviour is very specifically targeted - they are not like this with everyone- so can be popular and even seen like a good person to others!

That is the horror of the situation. Your empathy is a wonderful trait yet at same time it is bait for these PT (personality types).

And as RavenMoon points out the PTs are often have charming and charismatic to people who deal with them only superficially, which creates even more stress on the ones they target, who are often not believed.

That's exactly it!!

Yes a past extremely abusive ex and my most recent ex both fit the description of a sociopath and a narcissist. They are a huge huge reason why I am on this forum due to the trauma I went through.

I endured physical, mental, and sexual abuse from the one and my last was a lying cheater.

Their characteristics were very charming and charismatic at fist but then became abusive over time. Both were very likable on the outside, had friends, and you would have never guessed they were terrible people. I have always sought love and approval since I had an emotionally absent father and I think that's what made me particularly vulnerable to them. I am still to this day sadly madly in love with my last ex.

God I could have written some of this! I'm so sorry :(

 

[Worthless_nobody]

That is the horror of the situation. Your empathy is a wonderful trait yet at same time it is bait for these PT (personality types).

And as RavenMoon points out the PTs are often have charming and charismatic to people who deal with them only superficially, which creates even more stress on the ones they target, who are often not believed.

Yep I was not believed at all when I tried to tell others my previous abusive ex was literally evil. He hid behind a prominent well respected position in society and people praised him and thought of him as a hero.

I definitely think narcissistic and sociopaths take advantage of empathetic people. I had so much love in my heart and so much empathy only for it to be damaged by these 2 who broke me.

 

[Flume]

My mom is narcissistic and was a litteral whore for a while. Shorty after I found out I had my first suicidal thought.

 

[realjunes]

Yes, I understand they are all about self-agrandizment

i would love to read those publications, could you PM me? thank you :-)

I would be happy to send the information to you. So I can keep track with my addled brain, would you please just send me a quick PM noting you would like the publications, and I will send them right away. Thanks.
Narcissists need victims to sacrifice to their narcissism, their narcissism permits them to ignore the humanity of their victims as well....The blindness of the narcissist to others can extend even beyond a lack of empathy; narcissists may not "see" others at all.

 

[chris8000]

I feel that D. Trump is somehow in my life because he is always on my phone, and he is a sociopath and narcissist for sure. This did not contribute to me feeling the way I do, but it does make it worse him being there.

 

[LivingToLong]

Tbh, I think I'm a narcissist. That is, I seem to show some of the traits.

I'm certainly self-centered and self-absorbed (how many times will the word I appear in this post!) I really don't naturally think of other people, but can easily do so, it's just I probably come first in my own world. I don't think great things of myself, quite the opposite in fact, but I'm otherwise preoccupied with my own situation. I guess that's a narcissist, even if a reverse kind of a one.

 

[CarefulWithThatAxe]

Yes, and I wish id never been born all I've had my whole life has been narcissistic abuse and only in recent years have I
discovered that it is abuse but I'm far too damaged now to be repaired

 

[realjunes]

Tbh, I think I'm a narcissist. That is, I seem to show some of the traits.

I'm certainly self-centered and self-absorbed (how many times will the word I appear in this post!) I really don't naturally think of other people, but can easily do so, it's just I probably come first in my own world. I don't think great things of myself, quite the opposite in fact, but I'm otherwise preoccupied with my own situation. I guess that's a narcissist, even if a reverse kind of a one.

If you don't naturally think of other people, yet can easily do so, I doubt you a narcissist. I expect because of the circumstances of their lives, that many members have developed a protective yet necessary tendency to think of themselves; an act of survival instinct, which we know too well.

PM me to remind me, I have a plethora of information from a man who is a self-professed, self-diagnosed malignant narcissist. I think he is no doubt a terrible narcissist, which makes it hard to read his works, but I think it is instructive for victims because there is no way otherwise to get in their heads and it allows victims to be able to recognize the traits and maybe develop some defense mechanisms.

My dad definitely has sociopathic traits. My mother... she never expressed love towards me, I don't know why but she is a very cold mother.

I am sorry, what a terrible circumstance. The very first relationships in your life are parents, and if they have these traits, a child must be affected in ways that linger for a lifetime. But maybe by sharing about these folks, we can help one another shield future episodes, and come to recognize it is not you, it is them.

I feel that D. Trump is somehow in my life because he is always on my phone, and he is a sociopath and narcissist for sure. This did not contribute to me feeling the way I do, but it does make it worse him being there.

Earlier, member MeltingHeart wrote, in part: That talk about themselves a high percentage of the time (so use "I"'alot) don't ask questions about you/others, they very rarely apologise ... So true. Narcissists are all about self aggrandizing, and they can't stop talking about "I".

 

[realjunes]

The sociopath is a person who doesn't have guilt or remorse, or a sense of conscience. Literally no conscience. Their minds are such that the sociopath is free to run amuck in the world, doing what they like without feeling bad or upset.

 

[LivingToLong]

I recently read that there are actually a large number of CEOs ('captains of industry' etc) that would be classed as sociopaths. They're ruthless and uncaring, but in the business world. A legal psychopath I suppose.

 

[realjunes]

I recently read that there are actually a large number of CEOs ('captains of industry' etc) that would be classed as sociopaths. They're ruthless and uncaring, but in the business world. A legal psychopath I suppose.

Yes, I have read that as well, and why not?
Imagine if you had super self-important ambition and you applied that ruthlessly with no conscience, well you might make a mighty captain of industry, and you would make sure everyone recognized and admired you! LOL. Sad, but true.

 

[Dearmummy]

I wish I had those traits then I won't be here anymore. Humanity and nature are such bitches

 

[realjunes]

If you find yourself often pitying someone who consistently hurts you or other people, and who actively campaigns for your sympathy, the chances are close to 100 percent that you are dealing with a sociopath.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Yes, I have read that as well, and why not?
Imagine if you had super self-important ambition and you applied that ruthlessly with no conscience, well you might make a mighty captain of industry, and you would make sure everyone recognized and admired you! LOL. Sad, but true.

Yeh i heard this too-there is the theory that soceity does actually need a few of these types of people for progression in certain fields & even innovation-due to their 'boldness' and having no self doubt at all or worrying about what others think etc-they might take leaps in certain industries where other people might not dare-slightly links into ideas of the philosophy of objectivism as named by the author Ayn Rand, and tied in with ideas about self-interest & capitalism.

 

[realjunes]

Right again, MeltingHeart. For the Ayn Rand types, everything is one way, their way.

"Sociopaths have no regard whatsoever for the social contract, but they do know how to use it to their advantage. And all in all, I am sure that if the devil existed, he would want us to feel very sorry for him."

 

[realjunes]

My dad definitely has sociopathic traits. My mother... she never expressed love towards me, I don't know why but she is a very cold mother.

Sociopathy is the inability to process emotional experience, including love and caring, except when such experience can be calculated as a coldly intellectual task.

 

[Final Escape]

Not at the moment I don't think. It's possible I have a narcissist but he's a covert one if he is one. My attachment is only for narcissists even if I don't want it to be. I cannot seem to remain interested if the person is not one. I've tried lol! So this is why I suspect any guy I will have feelings for is going to be a pathological of some sort. That is my ingrained pattern of attachment. I have found that I never feel excitement when I try to date neurotypicals. I want the spark to be there and it just isn't. I just avoid relationships as a result since I cannot correct this pattern. I might see a narcissist if they are just narcissistic but not violent or controlling towards me. I think there are degrees of this condition and sometimes it's complicated by borderline or some other additional disorder.

 

[realjunes]

Not at the moment I don't think. It's possible I have a narcissist but he's a covert one if he is one. My attachment is only for narcissists even if I don't want it to be. I cannot seem to remain interested if the person is not one. I've tried lol! So this is why I suspect any guy I will have feelings for is going to be a pathological of some sort. That is my ingrained pattern of attachment. I have found that I never feel excitement when I try to date neurotypicals. I want the spark to be there and it just isn't. I just avoid relationships as a result since I cannot correct this pattern. I might see a narcissist if they are just narcissistic but not violent or controlling towards me. I think there are degrees of this condition and sometimes it's complicated by borderline or some other additional disorder.

Wow, FinalEscape, how totally honest and self-aware you are. Such great traits you have, yet those, among other traits, are probably part of what makes you attractive to these guys in return. I imagine if every victim was as honest and did the reckoned with themselves the way you just did, this thread may run out of space hearing their stories. I can't help but feel sad that you have decided to forgo relationships, but taking emotion out of it, it seems not risking another narcissistic relationship is a perfectly "logical" conclusion and a protective measure for your heart and soul. You have made me don my thinking cap, I want to deliberate you what you said here. Thank you.

 

[BlueWidow]

My family is filled with people like that. That's why I eventually cut them all out of my life.

Luckily, most of them are all dead now.

The funny thing is, I was speaking to my niece last weekend. I hadn't spoken to her in 20 years. She was telling me that they were debating on Facebook as to whether or not my husband had forced me to stop speaking to them and then murdered me. They would rather think of my husband as a controlling murderer than to admit that maybe they had something to do with me cutting them all off.
I mean, it certainly couldn't be their fault.
They would treat me like complete shit and then, when I got angry and tried to defend myself or stop speaking to them, they'd go whining to the rest of the family, " Well I don't know why she's mad at me, I didn't do anything". They can't imagine why I wouldn't want to be around them and continue being treated like dirt, after all, I've been told my whole life by them that that's what I deserve. I'm just supposed to sit there and take it. Everything that ever went wrong in the world is my fault, according to them.
If I believed in Hell, I would say that I hope they're all there burning right now!

The sociopath is a person who doesn't have guilt or remorse, or a sense of conscience. Literally no conscience. Their minds are such that the sociopath is free to run amuck in the world, doing what they like without feeling bad or upset.

I wonder what that must be like. . . to have no sense of guilt, no sense of remorse, no sense of shame, no sense of giving a damn about anyone but yourself. I hate to admit it, but I'm kind of envious. I've always gone the opposite way and gone way out of my way to please other people and avoid conflict, even to my own detriment. Seems to me it would be a lot easier to live if you didn't have to worry about how your actions affected other people.

 

[realjunes]

My family is filled with people like that. That's why I eventually cut them all out of my life.

Luckily, most of them are all dead now.

The funny thing is, I was speaking to my niece last weekend. I hadn't spoken to her in 20 years. She was telling me that they were debating on Facebook as to whether or not my husband had forced me to stop speaking to them and then murdered me. They would rather think of my husband as a controlling murderer than to admit that maybe they had something to do with me cutting them all off.
I mean, it certainly couldn't be their fault.
They would treat me like complete shit and then, when I got angry and tried to defend myself or stop speaking to them, they'd go whining to the rest of the family, " Well I don't know why she's mad at me, I didn't do anything". They can't imagine why I wouldn't want to be around them and continue being treated like dirt, after all, I've been told my whole life by them that that's what I deserve. I'm just supposed to sit there and take it. Everything that ever went wrong in the world is my fault, according to them.
If I believed in Hell, I would say that I hope they're all there burning right now!

BlueWidow.
Thank you for that remarkable story. There is so much there to comment on and to observe. It is remarkable to me because I had some very similar family dynamics and I cut them loose years ago, only to have them think similar thoughts about me as your family has. I noticed earlier you mentioned you may have to spend Christmas with them, something you clearly do not want to do. The way you just described what typical conversations would be like with them and how you describe them thinking something is wrong with you, is just so mindboggling, but so typical in many families. If I was a religious person I would try to offer you some kind of miracle special healing blessing, but alas, I am not and can not. And families of SS members wonder how members end up here.... crazy.

 

[BlueWidow]

BlueWidow.
Thank you for that remarkable story. There is so much there to comment on and to observe. It is remarkable to me because I had some very similar family dynamics and I cut them loose years ago, only to have them think similar thoughts about me as your family has. I noticed earlier you mentioned you may have to spend Christmas with them, something you clearly do not want to do. The way you just described what typical conversations would be like with them and how you describe them thinking something is wrong with you, is just so mindboggling, but so typical in many families. If I was a religious person I would try to offer you some kind of miracle special healing blessing, but alas, I am not and can not. And families of SS members wonder how members end up here.... crazy.

Yes, actually the family I spent time with was yesterday when I went to a restaurant to meet a bunch of my sister-in-law's family. These are members of my husband's family, not my own family. I would NEVER spend any time with my own family. I now talk to a couple of the lesser troubled ones who don't manipulate me as much on the phone every once in a while, but I have absolutely no desire to see any of the members of my own family in person ever again as long as I live.

Yes, it is incredible how many of us on here have had so many similar experiences to each other. It's not only incredible to me that people have had the experiences, but there are so many people in the world that are like my family that are forcing other people to have the same experiences I had. I had always considered my family to be the worst people in the world and I couldn't imagine that there were other families out there having exactly the same experiences.
I'm just glad this forum is here for all of us.