Discussion Do you hate your reality?

[Versailles]

I have been quite a long time away from my reality in a certain way, whether on the internet, anime or other things, I understand that the external things of my day to day are crap and also knowing that my mental stability is deteriorating is a nightmare

I suppose that here many have already planned their CTB, because my case is something different, CTB is inevitable for me, and that is why I try to lengthen things as long as I can, that is, I do not want to do CTB so fast and I am like a fish that swims against the current, but indisputably I will have to do CTB at the moment in which I become an economic, physical and mental burden for other people. I often don't interact much with people physically, and I feel better that way, being humiliated and singled out so many times generated a kind of social phobia in me

 

[Huntfish34]

Yes Very much so...... One of the main things Ive struggled mightily with lately has been with Life on lifes terms. From basic everyday mundane things.... To dealing with self hatred, my job and 2 fuckhead bosses, my Sick mind, relationships, resentments......Just a mess really I suppose. I wish you the best in whatever may happen... Life can be very brutal and unrelenting in its ways.

I also feel Ive been a burden to other people.. Terrible feeling no doubt.

Thoughts and prayers to you ,

Butch

 

[Hurt]

Not at all. I like some aspects of my life but I've been really depressed lately and stuck in suicidal thoughts. It's like I don't want to go on no matter how beautiful my reality seems to be.

 

[Huntfish34]

Sorry.... I can also agree to that. I Dont hate Everything about my reality (life). There is much I appreciate and love ... But Im afraid its just going to take a back seat in the long run of things in my sick fckn mind / thinking.

I Really do want to Live, Im scared to death about taking that final step. What a clusterfuck Im in... =\ Fml -

 

[Elysium Searcher]

I have been quite a long time away from my reality in a certain way, whether on the internet, anime or other things, I understand that the external things of my day to day are crap and also knowing that my mental stability is deteriorating is a nightmare

I suppose that here many have already planned their CTB, because my case is something different, CTB is inevitable for me, and that is why I try to lengthen things as long as I can, that is, I do not want to do CTB so fast and I am like a fish that swims against the current, but indisputably I will have to do CTB at the moment in which I become an economic, physical and mental burden for other people. I often don't interact much with people physically, and I feel better that way, being humiliated and singled out so many times generated a kind of social phobia in me

Yup, I also avoid it in similar ways. With addition of games. It's way easier to not feel so attached to other problems thanks to them.
I was in similar shoes for some time back in 2019. I felt like I'm kinda forced to CTB because of extreme pressure I felt due to some very stressful events, to put it shortly.

If you're forced to CTB because of your problems, and circumstances you're in, I hope that things will change, so that you will not have to do so, unless this is what you want. (I don't want to discourage from doing so, I hope that you will have what you want, CTB or anything else if you'd prefer any other means of solving these problems which makes you feel in this way)

Sending hugs

Yes Very much so...... One of the main things Ive struggled mightily with lately has been with Life on lifes terms. From basic everyday mundane things.... To dealing with self hatred, my job and 2 fuckhead bosses, my Sick mind, relationships, resentments......Just a mess really I suppose. I wish you the best in whatever may happen... Life can be very brutal and unrelenting in its ways.

I also feel Ive been a burden to other people.. Terrible feeling no doubt.

Thoughts and prayers to you ,

Butch

Yeah, life can be a nightmare, especially with such issues. It's so brutal that we have to go through such hell... I hope that one day you will not have to deal with these problems, no matter in which way they'd disappear.
.


Sending hugs too!

 

[ConfusedAndWeird]

I very much hate "reality". I feel like the real world is dull, colourless, and full of only pain and misery. The only "happiness" I've ever seen in this world came from people coping with their existence by cherry-picking aspects of life that could be construed as "not that terrible", or at least that's how I interpret it. I hate that our bodies need ridiculous amounts of maintenance in order to maintain the human standard of attractiveness. I don't even try because no matter how hard I try, I might look nice, but I won't look the way I want.

As soon as you're born, an identity and a body is shoved on you and you're supposed to accept that it's yours no matter what it is. You can't pick your name, your race, your species, your birth religion, anything. I've created my own identity that I consider to be the real me rather than this mockery of myself that I'm forced to experience on this Earth, however, I can't make this created identity, that removes the hopeless grey that exists in my life, into my reality. So I have to resort to CTB and hope that dying will let me either rest in peace or let me take actual steps towards pursuing that identity.

 

[Largeletters]

Sometimes I think about my circumstances, when I'm not daydreaming, and it makes me feel hopeless.

 

[Arrow]

My reality is ok, I just wish I could have lived it as someone else

 

[All Things Must Pass]

Yes, otherwise I wouldn't be here.

 

[Seiba]

I don't feel enough for hating it more so than empty concerning it, but obviously it is not something I would be long term content with. It's a shame you feel like you will be forced into killing yourself because of being a burden to others when you had no choice in creating that forced reciprocal relationship in the first place.

 

[BlueFox]

Yes, the classic 'I hate my current reality and desperately want it to change but I can't and have no idea on how I'm supposed to fix it'. So now we end up here waiting around for a bus with the right name on it.

 

[Efilismislife]

Yup, I also avoid it in similar ways. With addition of games. It's way easier to not feel so attached to other problems thanks to them.
I was in similar shoes for some time back in 2019. I felt like I'm kinda forced to CTB because of extreme pressure I felt due to some very stressful events, to put it shortly.

If you're forced to CTB because of your problems, and circumstances you're in, I hope that things will change, so that you will not have to do so, unless this is what you want. (I don't want to discourage from doing so, I hope that you will have what you want, CTB or anything else if you'd prefer any other means of solving these problems which makes you feel in this way)

Sending hugs







Yeah, life can be a nightmare, especially with such issues. It's so brutal that we have to go through such hell... I hope that one day you will not have to deal with these problems, no matter in which way they'd disappear.
.


Sending hugs too!

Funny there was a time i also "run away' to games. I thought its a temporary happy thing. But then afterward i still feel sad cause its only a distraction/escapism and i still cant hide.

and ctb is also an escapism for not having a solution/other alternative :(

 

[insanedoomer]

yeah , it's all about it ..

 

[Superdeterminist]

I'm very similar to you. I don't hate literally everything about reality, but there many aspects of it which I find unforgivable. I like that you said "your reality" because we really do perceive the world so differently, and it's all based on the unique neuronal architecture we each have, sculpted by the mix of genes and environment.

 

[RealLostSoul]

It's similar to me. I hate this suicide shit but it's my fucking fate. I wish things turn out good for me but they never have, never do and never will. That's the reason I have to do this sooner or later. There is no light at the end of the tunnel, there is no glory in death, it's just that I can't live for years in burning hellfire of endless misery and agony (sry for being dramatic xD) anymore, period.

 

[Elysium Searcher]

Funny there was a time i also "run away' to games. I thought its a temporary happy thing. But then afterward i still feel sad cause its only a distraction/escapism and i still cant hide.

Yeah, unfortunately that's only the tool to forget about the real problems for only some time.

I wish there was something else in our lifes which could help us to deal with all of this shit we have to endure every day, something else than CTB, but unfortunately for many of us there's nothing else remaining to try :(

and ctb is also an escapism for not having a solution/other alternative :(

Yup, that's it. If only we had more support and understanding, if only mental health services were more reliable...

 

[deepinlimbo]

All my issues lay within myself, I am my issues and they define me. The reality that I will not make old bones and have a family of my own, a future career and what I perceive to be a good and complete life which was those goals (everyone on here probably had goals of some sort which they would have liked to have gone through with)

I despise the reality of my situation.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

What else is there to hate?

 

[insanedoomer]

What else is there to hate?

y are too realistic and pragmatic , .

 

[grungeCat]

Yes, I hate my reality. That's why I run away from it as often as I can

 

[All Things Must Pass]

Yes, the classic 'I hate my current reality and desperately want it to change but I can't and have no idea on how I'm supposed to fix it'. So now we end up here waiting around for a bus with the right name on it.

Some of us have no idea how anyone is supposed to fix it.

 

[LenkaX]

Reality would be beautiful if I was a billionaire or very attractive (or both).
But I'm a freak, a lost soul. People in the shit town where I live think that I'm some kind of perverted murderer. They are afraid of me. In the past 20 years, nobody talked to me.
The worst thing is that I somehow still cannot CTB, despite the fact that I'm hopeless. I'm now home alone, I have meto, I have Tagamet and I have SN. So it would be a matter of just drinking it and nobody would find me. Arguably I don't have the balls to CTB. So I guess will continue with this dull, empty and thrash existence for another 30 years. I hate it and I can't stand it. Now I feel like I'm on the verge of getting mad again, like many times already.

 

[FuneralCry]

The reality is that my life is not worth living. Personally I have always struggled to cope with life and now with physical health problems, I dread the future as this is guaranteed to get worse. I think ctb has always been inevitable really. I think the thing I hate most about this reality is the fact that I lack the right to an peaceful death and taking our own lives is hard. I've accepted the fact that life isn't for me and never has been, but the fact that it is difficult to escape it, is the thing that I hate the most.

 

[All Things Must Pass]

Reality would be beautiful if I was a billionaire or very attractive (or both)

Neither of those are desirable if you're not happy.

 

[ForgiveMeMama]

Very much so, my thoughts and senses can be agitating to me on a basic level, especially as a mentally ill, autistic person. I feel broken at times, incompatible with life, with existence. My mind is mess. On top of that I have so many other problems, like being homeless, it all feeds into each other. Sometimes I can barely handle it. I often ask myself if I even want to even try. Why not just choose non-existence?

 

[motel rooms]

I hate reality, period.

 

[popcorn]

yes absolutely,


what makes me even more mad is i never asked for any of this, i never asked to be born yet here i am in this shit show