I mean I've always been considered a kinda genius as I was placed in the gifted program when I was young and I have a high iq and always had good grades. I'm not poor and have two parents. My dad has anger issues but my moms really nice though sometimes she gets angry too and sides with my dad. I have friends...even if I feel secluded by everyone I put on a great display outside of my mind and try fitting in with society. Is it just me please say it's not. I have no 'real' problems other then I can't connect to anyone and see no pint in life and other people make me feel miserable and I hate myself and my personality.
Anyone relate? My mom (parents once found out I cut myself though they think I stopped) when my mom got mad at she told me depressed people are all full of themselves and selfish.....I don't know I kinda agree I have a hard time connecting with others and can't get out of this dark hole my mind traps me in. I sometimes feel I treat others with indifference because I can't find it in me to care.
Anyone relat
There's no 'no problem'. There's only problems that you don't see. Just because your parents can fulfill your material needs, doesn't mean they have fulfilled your emotional need. Which does create a hole in you that will cause plenty of problems. Feeling 'disconnected', anxious, low self-esteem, inadequacy, difficulty expressing emotion or numbness, and lacking self-compassion (especially when you're able to be very kind to other people) are symptoms of potential emotional neglect during childhood. This can also happen in very subtle way that is easily overlooked, you don't need to have the text-book abusive parents or neglectful parents like in movies or reddit posts. As long as your emotional needs weren't met during childhood (and the bar is rather high), it is still within the realm of possibility.
You might also experience 'underdevelopment' in social or emotional aspect. You might be smart, heck, you might know a lot about psychology and seems like someone who -in theory- is able to handle it, but it's much deeper than that. I think it is important for us to consider possibilities like these, as you did describe an environment that can cause emotional neglect to varying extend. You are not alone, and it is not your fault. Especially with modernization and technology increasing individualism amongst people, a growing number of people find it hard to express their emotions and connect with people, which contributes to the growing depression in the modern world.
Have you ever feel like you need to do anything by yourself? Have your family or friend made a comment like: "Oh, you want to do this? Why didn't you tell us?" or smth about you not telling them something? Sometimes you might feel like you don't want to burden them, but this is likely to be caused by inability to properly express emotions, which is common. I do not know what your problem is/are. But, there is always something, even if you can't figure it out. You're quite smart, you can try to look at things objectively. And before you blame yourself, ask "if this happen with other people, will I judge them the same way as I judge myself?"
example: "If I find my friend getting B instead of A, will I judge them harshly?"
You might counter that with "But, I should know better!" or "But, this is my fav subject! I should get an A+"
yeah, you're being unfair to yourself. Your choice and what you decide to do with your life is up to you. But it's not a bad idea to learn about yourself and what has shaped you to be like this. There are plenty of resources online you can use to explore possibilities. Ultimately, I'd like to remind you that there's no such thing as 'wrong reason to be depressed' or 'no reason to be depressed', unless you have a rare case of actual hormone imbalance that is NOT caused by any past trauma or whatnot. It is highly likely that the problem is there, waiting to be discovered.
