T
tuto170
Student
- Jul 1, 2019
- 114
Hi, my depression has gone since i switched my medication, but my suicide ideation has not stopped completely. Because as some of you know, I have schizophrenia and I have said and done some things i feel not only akward, but also shameful that have hurt many my beloved friends and family members. I recently had a relapse and stayed 10 weeks in a mental hospital. My meds have been changed and I no longer suffer from Major Depressive Disorder, but schizophrenia stops me being full citizen and as a person. I recently started a job at full time, but it is too difficult and makes me tired, so I am moving part time. I still live with my mom and minimum wage is really low in my country, like 4 EUR/an hour. So working part time I would have just enough to pay for cigarettes and have only around 120EUR to spend. I have met a lot of mentally ill people that has been moved to care home, because they can not support themselves financially and this is what I am afraid of. So I have given myself one last chance, I mean conditions - If i won't be able to work even part time - I will definitely ctb, doesnt matter how but I will. So I have given myself one more chance, but I still often think of CTB.