Venting Do you find it easy to open up?

[Phobia_DLW]

I don't have many people around me but the friends that I do have are incredibly intelligent and caring.

I have only opened up about my MH struggles to one friend, and even then I barely scratched the surface and didn't talk about the whole thing.

I want to talk to them about my ideations, yes it is a cry for help and I want to cry for help.

But I just cant, I feel so much shame, guilt and hopelessness.

I also don't want to strain our friendship, even though I know for a fact it wouldn't seem that way for them, they would try their absolute best to help me...but I just cant....

Often times I find myself not answering their calls and messages etc...

None of them suspect anything because I have managed to lie effectively.

But I really want to open up to them and at the same time I don't...

I want to CTB but I don't want to disappoint them, I don't want them to feel any guilt etc...

These are people that I truly love.

I also truly don't think there is anything they could do to change my mind and if they were to put effort into it and I CTB, they would feel like they failed...

I don't know why I am so conflicted.

Anyone here with experience regarding this?

 

[Spit On My Grave]

My mom said do not share personal information with strangers and she was right.
We do not know who behind those accounts.
They could be wolfs in sheep's clothing, criminals, scammers, abusers, hackers or maybe trollers

 

[Phobia_DLW]

My mom said do not share personal information with strangers and she was right.
We do not know who behind those accounts.
They could be wolfs in sheep's clothing, criminals, scammers, abusers, hackers or maybe trollers

True but I am referring to people I know since many years, not randoms.

 

[Spit On My Grave]

True but I am referring to people I know since many years, not randoms.

My ex left me after 5 years of relationship. I ain't trust nobody

 

[itsallogrenow]

Can't open up for shit.

Everytime I've tried I've been shutdown quickly. Nobody seems to actually want to take the time to listen to what I'm saying or be there to support me, even the so called professionals that are paid to do so

 

[Phobia_DLW]

My ex left me after 5 years of relationship. I ain't trust nobody

Sorry to hear about that mate. I see why you are saying what you are saying, still, I would take a bullet for these guys, I know they would do the same for me but I don't even care if they wouldn't.

Can't open up for shit.

Everytime I've tried I've been shutdown quickly. Nobody seems to actually want to take the time to listen to what I'm saying or be there to support me, even the so called professionals that are paid to do so

Yea I definitely know what you mean when it comes to the "professionals", fuck them. Can I ask if you have tried opening up to friends/family? If so, how did that go?

 

[Spit On My Grave]

Sorry to hear about that mate. I see why you are saying what you are saying, still, I would take a bullet for these guys, I know they would do the same for me but I don't even care if they wouldn't.

Yea I definitely know what you mean when it comes to the "professionals", fuck them. Can I ask if you have tried opening up to friends/family? If so, how did that go?

There is no trust in this world and for this reason nuclear weapon exists

 

[Phobia_DLW]

There is no trust in this world and for this reason nuclear weapon exists

Have you never had trust in anyone?

 

[Spit On My Grave]

Have you never had trust in anyone?

I ain't trust shit

 

[Phobia_DLW]

I ain't trust shit

Would you not agree there is some level of trust? You are here in this forum because you have some degree of trust in it etc...

 

[E4syW3y0u7]

Never managed to, always kept stuff for myself. I was too scared of the reaction of others if i opened up. Probably would have helped me a lot of i did though, maybe a lot of stuff would have been different...

But i just freeze, can't make sense of what's in my head/emotions/feelings, and i didn't wanna lose the friends i had if they took it badly or it changed their opinion of me.

I've always been a listener and helped people vent/sort out their feelings/reassure them and ironically i was incapable of doing the opposite.

It seems so scary to make yourself vulnerable like that, i guess that's why people pay for therapists, at least it's their job to listen...

 

[Phobia_DLW]

Never managed to, always kept stuff for myself. I was too scared of the reaction of others if i opened up. Probably would have helped me a lot of i did though, maybe a lot of stuff would have been different...

But i just freeze, can't make sense of what's in my head/emotions/feelings, and i didn't wanna lose the friends i had if they took it badly or it changed their opinion of me.

I've always been a listener and helped people vent/sort out their feelings/reassure them and ironically i was incapable of doing the opposite.

It seems so scary to make yourself vulnerable like that, i guess that's why people pay for therapists, at least it's their job to listen...

Yup this sums it up perfectly.

I wonder if opening up is truly as scary as it seems in our heads...

Like you said, how different would things have been?

Do you still think about opening up? Do you think you will?

 

[Spit On My Grave]

Would you not agree there is some level of trust? You are here in this forum because you have some degree of trust in it etc...

What website are you talking about ? Do you know they can sell our personal information for millions and close this site forever? Ethics and sympathy are not exist. I swear to god if there is no police you would see blood everywhere on the street and people fighting for a bottle of water.

 

[Phobia_DLW]

What website are you talking about ? Do you know they can sell our personal information for millions and close this site forever? Ethics and sympathy are not exist. I swear to god if there is no police you would see blood everywhere on the street and people fighting for a bottle of water.

Well, does it even matter if I am dead?

 

[E4syW3y0u7]

Yup this sums it up perfectly.

I wonder if opening up is truly as scary as it seems in our heads...

Like you said, how different would things have been?

Do you still think about opening up? Do you think you will?

It's too late for me, i wish i did open up but i've ruined my life and all the relationships i had, some i really cherished but there's no coming back, i've messed up big time.

I'm sharing on that forum for what it's worth but i have trouble to feel anyway now...

I'm just waiting for my ticket to ctb and each day that passes brings more regrets.