Do you feel your reason for wanting to ctb is 'enough'?

[fightingforchoice]

The reason for my depression and wanting to cbt is due to losing the person and the future I always wanted due to my immaturity and short sightedness. It's been a year since I lost him now and things aren't getting any better.
But it just seems like a selfish reason to end my life and potentially my family's. But mine feels ruined! And I really don't feel hopeful that I can repair it.
It's so hard being in this tug of war...

 

[real human being]

None of us choose to come into this world so imo CTB is not an action that must be justified by anyone to anyone. That being said, I hope things can get better for you. Losing people from your life can be rough.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

My reasons are childhood abuse, clinical depression, bipolar 1, aspergers and existential crisis.
I feel no guilt of wanting to ctb.
Everyone has their reasons, and every reason is valid for each particular person.
It's a deeply personal choice.

 

[ddn.ctb]

I don't know if I have a reason. Ever since I was a teenager I just assumed I would CTB some day. Ever since a failed attempt as a teenager

 

[SVEN]

If it is enough for me, then it is a valid reason.

 

[AnonymousL]

The reason for my depression and wanting to cbt is due to losing the person and the future I always wanted due to my immaturity and short sightedness. It's been a year since I lost him now and things aren't getting any better.
But it just seems like a selfish reason to end my life and potentially my family's. But mine feels ruined! And I really don't feel hopeful that I can repair it.
It's so hard being in this tug of war...

While I do feel like my reasons are enough I can't stand the guilt I feel when I look at my little sister and my boyfriend.

I know how much pain I will cause them. Especially after loosing my best friend to CTB 3 years ago.

It's excruciating
The guilt never stops eating me.
Asking myself everyday what would have happend if I didn't cancel on seeing him when he asked me to meet up.
What would have happend if I checked up on him more
Or if I said something differently.

I'll never know.

What gives me a peace of mind when I will CTB is leaving a note to explain there was nothing they could have done differently.. however I feel like there are not enough words to explain that so they will feel the guilt no matter what I write.

I just can't continue living for them. It's too painful to be alive.

If there is an afterlife , I hope I can forgive myself for ending it. But with all my heart I wish if I end it , there is nothing afterwards.

This was enough.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't believe suicide needs to be justified with reasons in the first place, existence itself is enough of a reason to make me want to die, and I see wishing for nothingness as being the only rational response to the curse that is existence. I don't see any value and point to having the ability to exist, existence was a mistake, it was unnecessary. Death is all that awaits for us anyway whether there is a reason behind it or not, I have no interest in this futile and torturous process of decaying from age.

 

[Mäximum]

When I read posts of other people on here and what they experienced, I feel like I am not allowed to go. I haven't experienced any abuse, disorders or anything like that. It just makes it very difficult to overcome the final step to go into the forest and hang myself.

 

[peachchildtenshi]

I have had gone through same experience as you, since 3 years ago, and I still couldnt get over it to this very day.
Still struggling with no way out no matter what I try.
Personally,
You dont always need a good reason.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

Any reason is enough of a reason to CTB.

My reasons are childhood abuse, clinical depression, bipolar 1, aspergers and existential crisis.
I feel no guilt of wanting to ctb.
Everyone has their reasons, and every reason is valid for each particular person.
It's a deeply personal choice.

Yes

 

[venomousSSërpent74]

there doesn't really have to be to much of a reason once it's done it's done you even risk failing so you would have to deal with the consquences also there is a chance it does work and you get the peace you always needed. but of course everyone has their own reasons for ctb they've exhausted all their options and lost the battle but that's okay they'd be at peace that's all that really matters.Also to me yes my reasons are good enough

 

[Lookoutbelow]

My reasons are childhood abuse, clinical depression, bipolar 1, aspergers and existential crisis.
I feel no guilt of wanting to ctb.
Everyone has their reasons, and every reason is valid for each particular person.
It's a deeply personal choice.

Yes, no guilt. Every reason is a valid reason. Preach on.

 

[sserafim]

The reason for my depression and wanting to cbt is due to losing the person and the future I always wanted due to my immaturity and short sightedness. It's been a year since I lost him now and things aren't getting any better.
But it just seems like a selfish reason to end my life and potentially my family's. But mine feels ruined! And I really don't feel hopeful that I can repair it.
It's so hard being in this tug of war...

My reasons are Asperger's, ADHD, social anxiety, failure to launch, undiagnosed depression and chronic fatigue, and not wanting to be an adult and live adulthood. I see no future for myself, and I don't want one. I just want to die now at this stage of life. I don't want to continue living any further. I don't want to become a "real" adult or have to make my own living and enter the workforce. I think I'm also in an existential crisis right now.

I don't think you have to justify why you want to ctb to anyone, or that any reason has to be "enough". None of us even asked to be here in the first place. We should all have a way out.

 

[Silent_cries]

When I read posts of other people on here and what they experienced, I feel like I am not allowed to go. I haven't experienced any abuse, disorders or anything like that. It just makes it very difficult to overcome the final step to go into the forest and hang myself.

No need to be ashamed, you don't need to go through abuse and stuff to be depressed etc. Heck, even celebrities are depressed, and they have seemingly the best life ever! If you want to ctb, your decicion should be based on wether it feels right for you regardless of what you've been through or not. I had a pretty good life too, familywise at least, it is mostly my autism, my mentally fucked mind and anxieties that makes my life hard tbh. Although pls make sure you're absolutely certain it's the right thing for you, as there is no going back. No matter what you end up choosing, I wish the best for you <3
For me, the fact that I've tried seeking help this whole time and gotten nowhere with it justifies my decicion enough. Besides, I have this weird, unknown form of anxiety that no one seems to know how to treat, and I can find zero info on it online, so ctb is my way to go for sure.

I tried, and that's good enough for me.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

Tiredness, depression, fear, and anxiety have gone unbearable due to latest events (blunders made a few years ago finally caught up with me). Just want to end it all. Enough is enough.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It doesn't feel enough for me at the moment to do it because I feel like it would deeply hurt my Dad. After he goes though, the balance tips and it will all be about me I'm afraid. I've waited long enough. I'm 44. Suicidal to varying degrees since age 10.

In general terms- asides from the collateral damage that a suicide likely brings- which troubles me, I believe our lives belong to us. We simply shouldn't have been given this freedom if either our parents or God wanted so much control over us. They ought to have realised that exposing an innocent child to a world like this has the possibility of this outcome. Maybe that is cruel to say but it's surely worse to actually be in this predicament where you feel desperate to escape but you feel trapped. You feel emotionally obliged to stay and terrified quite frankly. I don't want to put myself through a painful and frightening suicide. I don't massively want to experience old age and death.

I think maybe it's a question of who or what we feel we owe. I guess I do feel like I owe it to my Dad to stick around. Beyond that though, I hope people will take it on board that it isn't fair to expect us to live only for them.

 

[SoulofSteel]

I believe my reason is justified. I tried to let things get better, I'm still trying my hardest to change my situation, but everything's judt going against me. I don't want to live a life of suffering so I choose to end it.

 

[socrates]

I'm not sure if suicide is a positive action that requires a justification. You are choosing not to participate in life anymore. Sure you need to take an effort to CTB, but I think it takes far more effort to live. There is nothing wrong with saying no, be that a no, to hanging out with a friend or no too living.

I also understand the feeling of guilt, we don't want to cause our loved ones pain, directly or indirectly. Love is putting others before you.

Personally for me it isn't that I have a single or even main reason. All my issues are probably fixable, but it's just to much for my heart to bare. It's like grains of sand. No one problem is a big deal, but together I drown... in sand lol.

 

[GuylumBardot]

Yes. I have a condition that is severely unrecognized, there's a strong chance I will never feel real pleasure or joy again, I am severely cognitively diminished, and there is a real chance of my condition getting even worse unexpectedly.

It's still hard to convince myself that's enough to justify the pain it would cause others. So here I am.

 

[Silent_cries]

Yes. I have a condition that is severely unrecognized, there's a strong chance I will never feel real pleasure or joy again, I am severely cognitively diminished, and there is a real chance of my condition getting even worse unexpectedly.

It's still hard to convince myself that's enough to justify the pain it would cause others. So here I am.

God, a condition that makes you unable to feel joy or pleasure? That sounds absolutely awful, I'm so sorry you have to go through that! While I can't imagine how your condition is like, I have a mental condition that also is unrecognized, in fact, I don't think mine even has a diagnosis yet. It's a type of anxiety that I can't even find info on online. Bc I can't find anything about it, I can't find a solution either and I've tried seeking help and all. I do belive that if you have an unsolvable/uncurable condition you do have valid reason to ctb if that's what you desire. I mean, what else are you supposed to do about it if it's so debilitating like that?

 

[GuylumBardot]

God, a condition that makes you unable to feel joy or pleasure? That sounds absolutely awful, I'm so sorry you have to go through that! While I can't imagine how your condition is like, I have a mental condition that also is unrecognized, in fact, I don't think mine even has a diagnosis yet. It's a type of anxiety that I can't even find info on online. Bc I can't find anything about it, I can't find a solution either and I've tried seeking help and all. I do belive that if you have an unsolvable/uncurable condition you do have valid reason to ctb if that's what you desire. I mean, what else are you supposed to do about it if it's so debilitating like that?

Thank you! It's called Post Finasteride Syndrome and it happened because I took stupid fucking hair meds. Cognitive and sexual dysfunction, emotional blunting, physical discomfort and abnormalities. Awful.

Mind if I ask what your condition is like? Piqued my morbid curiosity.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Well even if my reason isn't enough, the fact I'm willing to throw my life away and don't care about how it will affect all my family and friends would react makes me evil enough to deserve to be dead.

 

[astonishedturnip]

Absolutely, I can struggle with the question. Logically and objectively, I have no reason to complain: I was fortunate enough to grow up able-bodied in a middle-class household with two loving parents and a decent education and friend group. And my reason to CTB, that I'm lonely and I don't want to outlive my parents or live with their absence in my life, would definitely get even other lonely people thumbing their noses considering how many hate their parents, or have no parents, or are ambivalent about it, or have a strong support system and life and goals that would make the blow not be totally devastating.

But in the end I think, who cares? My brain is trying to kill me, same as anyone else who wants to CTB. You have to remember that the average person thinks about CTB (outside of random intrusive thoughts) practically zero times, even in crisis. If you're on this forum or considering CTB you're already on another level no matter what your "reasons" are and for most people they go deeper than that. I wouldn't feel this way if my anxiety/depression weren't so bad but therapy proved entirely useless on that front.

 

[undesirednlazy]

honestly part of the reason i don't want to talk to anybody in person about my feelings is because i do feel like my problems are, in some common perspectives, invalid. There is a reason lazy is part of my username.

 

[notherenotnow]

Yeah, no. I dont have any reason to be feeling this way.

 

[4everDone]

I mean there are people with far greater illnesses and they are still fighting and some of them survive and life is great. Props to them and I hope it gets better for the majority. Good ol human factor will say something like oh look they are fighting so can you. I don't believe suicide must be justifiable in order to be achieved. Some people just want peace this world will never offer and that's good enough for me.
I mean there are people with far greater illnesses and they are still fighting and some of them survive and life is great. Props to them and I hope it gets better for the majority. Good ol human factor will say something like oh look they are fighting so can you. I don't believe suicide must be justifiable in order to be achieved. Some people just want peace this world will never offer and that's good enough for me.
I mean there are people with far greater illnesses and they are still fighting and some of them survive and life is great. Props to them and I hope it gets better for the majority. Good ol human factor will say something like oh look they are fighting so can you. I don't believe suicide must be justifiable in order to be achieved. Some people just want peace this world will never offer and that's good enough for me.
I mean there are people with far greater illnesses and they are still fighting and some of them survive and life is great. Props to them and I hope it gets better for the majority. Good ol human factor will say something like oh look they are fighting so can you. I don't believe suicide must be justifiable in order to be achieved. Some people just want peace this world will never offer and that's good enough for me.

 

[Shrike]

Generally if one's considering it at all there's already a something. Most people don't consider it ever.

I might object to raw impulsivity, or reasons that have no root in objective reality. But suffering is suffering.

Me, I ran out of things to look forward to because I've seen what this world has to offer and I'm not impressed.

 

[hibikikyuxx]

You don't need any reason for wanting to ctb. All you need is a brain. Nobody in their right mind would want to willingly slave away for several decades just to be able to afford the bare minimum to live. Many people had never anything bad happening to them, but still want to ctb, because they're smart enough to be able to tell how pointless and cruel life on this planet is.

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

My reason to kill myself is plentyful as much as a desire to live for most people. So I don't know what would be "enough". From one perspective I feel I'm too "weak" to withstand this world mentally and so because of that I should end my bloodline here and now.

 

[matt1968]

I think it feels like a very last resort.

My adult life, in particular, has mainly been a struggle. I've fallen down again and this time I just can't seem to get up or see a future.