Discussion Do you feel you are being pushed toward CTB or pulled?

[Wait-Bus]

Are you pushed or pulled toward CTB. For me its a little bit of both - but also just a point in a path in this life. The bus will just arrive.

 

[FuneralCry]

Definitely pulled. Simply just existing makes the thought of eternal sleep sound even more appealing and I would choose death over any kind of life. I've always found the thought of being dead to be very comforting. Rather than specific life circumstances making me want to die, the thing that I have a problem with is life itself. I have a strong dislike for simply just being alive.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

I have been pulling (or dragging) myself forward because of certain events. I'm not sure if that will be down the road or in the direction of a bus stop.

 

[StolenLife]

I feel like I'm receiving signs from reality itself that it's time to go. Controlling parents, humiliation in therapy appointment yesterday, shitty process of applying to the next year of Uni which requires you to not have a life outside of the waiting process... The only thing I fear is failure.

 

[eldiablo666]

Life pulls males into either anger or insanity.

 

[hamvil]

I think my past actions and conditions pushed me in this place but now I feel pulled towards it. From time to time when some people are particularly mean to me I feel a bit of push or motivation but so far not to the point of doing it. Tbh I would not mind if my CTB happens as a result of the act of some of those mean people. I would be free and I would not care anymore, hell I may even be gratefull

 

[ManicPanic2018]

I feel like I'm calmly walking towards it. Nervously but not hesitantly.

 

[LastFlowers]

Pushed, pulled, dragged, willingly walking toward..all of the above.

People, circumstances, time nipping at my heels..my own realizations & determination to end my suffering.

For me the opportunity to die is long overdue, though I am not pleased about any part of what got me here.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

At first it felt like it was getting sucked into suicide like a black hole, but I think at some point, I finding myself near the point of singularly, where I'm seeing nothing but light. And soon, it'll come full circle where I emerge from white hole and end up in a better reality.

 

[Hope:-)]

Pushed.

 

[noalarms]

Definitely pulled. Simply just existing makes the thought of eternal sleep sound even more appealing and I would choose death over any kind of life. I've always found the thought of being dead to be very comforting. Rather than specific life circumstances making me want to die, the thing that I have a problem with is life itself. I have a strong dislike for simply just being alive.

This is how I've always thought about it. I struggle to imagine a life that would be preferable to just experiencing nothing. There are still several problems pushing me towards CTB, but I know that I could solve these problems if I really wanted to. Even if I were to put all my effort toward creating a better life for myself, I will still suffer in ways that are beyond my control. History is full of examples of people struggling to survive and to build a better life for themselves, only to have their efforts rendered pointless by recession, injury etc. Death will always be preferible to life in such a world.

 

[lionetta12]

Are you pushed or pulled toward CTB. For me its a little bit of both - but also just a point in a path in this life. The bus will just arrive.

I don't honestly know anymore. It has to be both.

 

[flightless bird]

I feel I am being pushed, but not toward ctb, rather toward death. This world doesn't want me to live. I kinda know that if I don't ctb, it'll be much more painful and slow.

 

[notmuchtimeleft27]

Pushed really. I don't have any real desires any more, and I realize my life is over without divine intervention.