Do you feel vulnerable as you consider ctb?

[Ambivalent1]

Whenever the fantasy moves closer to reality, I panic. I'm attached to life even though it's miserable and I don't see how it could improve.

 

[sserafim]

I guess I feel scared about failing an attempt and being left with permanent damage

 

[Ambivalent1]

I guess I feel scared about failing an attempt and being left with permanent damage

That's the only fear?

 

[sserafim]

That's the only fear?

The planning part also freaks me out. Tbh it gives me anxiety

 

[Ambivalent1]

The planning part also freaks me out. Tbh it gives me anxiety

Why? No regrets or missing good times of the past?

 

[sserafim]

Why? No regrets or missing good times of the past?

I don't think I have any regrets. And even if I miss good times of the past, it's not like I can go back to them lol. Time only moves forwards, not backwards (unfortunately)

 

[Ambivalent1]

I don't think I have any regrets. And even if I miss good times of the past, it's not like I can go back to them lol. Time only moves forwards, not backwards (unfortunately)

You're right. I suppose I regret not going for the women who were interested in me, but I still had similar issues then, which means they would've all failed, which would be painful in itself.

I don't know if my current situation was inevitable. Early trauma leads to PTSD which has led to everything else. Autism and avpd and ADHD has led you to your current situation. Could anything have been different if you had made different choices?

 

[sserafim]

You're right. I suppose I regret not going for the women who were interested in me, but I still had similar issues then, which means they would've all failed, which would be painful in itself.

I don't know if my current situation was inevitable. Early trauma leads to PTSD which has led to everything else. Autism and avpd and ADHD has led you to your current situation. Could anything have been different if you had made different choices?

Wdym? I always felt like suicide was inevitable for me. Ever since I was little, I always wanted to die young. I think the issue is that the world just wasn't built or meant for me. Asperger's/autism makes you a bad fit for the world, and it's hard to live or succeed in it based on this condition. I think that ctb would've always been my eventual fate/future. The only thing that could be different is if I were born without ASD. Then my life would've been different

 

[Ambivalent1]

Wdym? I always felt like suicide was inevitable for me. Ever since I was little, I always wanted to die young. I think the issue is that the world just wasn't built or meant for me. Asperger's/autism makes you a bad fit for the world, and it's hard to live or succeed in it based on this condition. I think that ctb would've always been my eventual fate/future. The only thing that could be different is if I were born without ASD. Then my life would've been different

I have felt that too but then part of me is reminded that PTSD and Ocd can be treated. I've had minimal success in that though and now I have other health stuff. I think my SI holds onto the idea it can technically be treated to make ctb more difficult for me.

 

[tbroken]

Whenever the fantasy moves closer to reality, I panic. I'm attached to life even though it's miserable and I don't see how it could improve.

The same happens to me. But when i step back into my mind, i realize again that I'm a little bit screwed. Where i live is a mess, i don't want to waste my energy anymore going away or do more than my body and my mind can take. When you have to partecipate to rat race and you also have to move away is really stressfull.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm just scared of failing, that's all. There's nothing in life that I'm attached to