Do you feel voices in your head tell you discouraging things when you want to find purpose in the pursuit of some achievement?

[171S]

I get thoughts telling me things like:
its not worth trying
its too hard for you
you wont be able
you are not fit for it
you will give up soon enough
its too much sacrifice and pain
it wont yield benefits
people will still not value you for it
you are at a big disadvantage
its too late for you
it wont be fair to you
it wont make you happy
you will be miserable
it wont fix your problems

It goes on and I believe its true. I feel like without me being able to take much better care to improve my health then anything else will not matter, people will notice I have not taken good care of my physical and mental wellbeing and will not want to hire me, or if they would then I could still fail the job at some point. If I would try to start a business then I would not be able to keep up.

I don't even know what is wrong with me, all I know is I have pain and so far the doctors cannot fix with medication or surgery, and cannot give an answer to the cause or a possible solution. They mostly tell me to improve my diet and daily routing for long enough to see if I get relief or maybe a remission. This is very hard to do when you feel no purpose, no drive, and for some mysterious reason your mind seems to be working against your own improvement. I feel my instincts telling me not to improve, to not make all the efforts, to not adapt to more pain and responsibility.

I know some things I could do to have a better chance to improve my health like diet, exercise, and few habits, but still I have no evidence that points my health would become normal and that I would have no chronic pain or that my emotions and mental performance would improve enough to be worthy of a good job, so I begin to think I will be stuck with mediocre minimum wage jobs, if even I am so lucky, and no friends or family of my own, for the rest of my pathetic life.

 

[Rayzieka]

I don't think you should jump to consider finding a doctor who will diagnose you with anything but have they tried anti-psychotic medication?
I don't know enough about my own diagnosis ( schizophrenia ) to really connect too many similarities with what another person is experiencing but I'll say that from what you've shared in this post- I do experience similar voices. With the right anti-psychotic it is possible to minimize voices and hallucinations.
If you don't want to try the medication though I know it is possible for people to recover but it seems to be a person to person thing.

 

[171S]

I don't think you should jump to consider finding a doctor who will diagnose you with anything but have they tried anti-psychotic medication?
I don't know enough about my own diagnosis ( schizophrenia ) to really connect too many similarities with what another person is experiencing but I'll say that from what you've shared in this post- I do experience similar voices. With the right anti-psychotic it is possible to minimize voices and hallucinations.
If you don't want to try the medication though I know it is possible for people to recover but it seems to be a person to person thing.

I really appreciate your concern and advice, but I don't experience audible voices or hallucinations, they are just thoughts from emotions in the background.

I took this kind of medication once thinking it could help and it was so strong compared to my weak little brain that from just one pill I felt dead for a week. So then I knew I did not suffer from a typical psychosis at the time.

Other medications did make me feel better but they where an anti-depressant and anxiety medication and to me that felt like a mix between some kind of lobotomy and changing who I was by faking chemical feelings that would ultimately fail and have side-effects so I decided to quit.

My thought patterns and emotions did not reflect my actual real shitty situation and I don't want this. If by coherent interpretation I can reasonably conclude that my situation is actually complete crap then I want to feel that pain because its based in reality and truth.

And to be honest its a shame that I actually don't always live by this desire, I have engaged in a lot of wishful thinking and escaped reality thru digital entertainment, more than the average person.

 

[albino_elk]

i believe that this might be and ego or broken self defence mechanism trying to defend you from a failure of doing something. when you fail in something you badmouthing yourself. when you trying to separate "bad side of yours" from your whole self it becomes fragmented and then your brains interprets as a separate entity. your negative self talk migh become "someones speaking with me".

 

[EraseRewind]

The constant vitriolic monologue tells me I'm worthless with little value to anyone in society, my shameful crime isolates me from any meaningful interactions. I reject myself and any idea I have so most times I don't start. I recently achieved something but eventually undermined it as useless.

I can't speak for anyone else but my self hate and loathing developed from childhood where it was constantly explained to me that I was thick and wouldn't ever amount to anything in fact I was a waste of good food and air. When this stopped as I grew up I took over the role of critic more than adequately, alcohol used to be my hiding place, since quitting over six years ago, I have now where to hide, just one place and hopefully I'll make it there soon.