Do you feel that you need to accumulate more suffering in order to be able to ctb

[Volatile]

When I ctb, I want to be at my absolute limit where my suffering no longer ebbs and flows. I don't want to feel a bit of regret as I jump to my death someday.

 

[saffron]

I don't mind too much just as long as I'm gone in a yearish.
When do you think you'll go?

 

[Volatile]

I don't mind too much just as long as I'm gone in a yearish.
When do you think you'll go?

It keeps changing. I imagine when I get another job that the suicidal feelings will become overbearing.

 

[saffron]

It keeps changing. I imagine when I get another job that the suicidal feelings will become overbearing.

I'm probably going to get a job soon but only so I can get N lol. Fuck working.

 

[Volatile]

I'm probably going to get a job soon but only so I can get N lol. Fuck working.

I hadn't thought of using suicide as a motivator at work. I may not need to jump from a high place then when I can buy something like nitrogen

 

[Luke]

I hadn't thought of using suicide as a motivator at work. I may not need to jump from a high place then when I can buy something like nitrogen

It totally works as a motivator. The only reason I work. Well I'm procrastinating for weeks but yea I gotta start working to buy N lol.

 

[Imaginos]

I'd like to think so, but who the hell knows. Almost feels like too much to hope for, frankly. It really feels like I'm just trapped. There's simply no way out of here for someone like me. I'm so weak & afraid. But I'm also so tired. So very, very tired. It's too much to think about, but there's no escape from it. It's all around me. I breathe it in every moment as if it were the air itself. Paralyzed by my own poison. Like falling face first in a bear trap.

 

[Santiago]

Probably yes.

There is this bit of hope that won't go away.

As if I could wake up one day and all my troubles will be gone. Fully aware that won't happen though but it's hard to explain.

 

[Ashpac]

Work was a good motivator for a while but once the anxiety and depression kicks in I cant work. So for me, my past, what ive been through as a kid and the fact I cant work or earn money are my best motivators.

 

[zach]

I mean I don't think I could hate life anymore than I do right now. im contemplating options.

 

[RoloTomasi]

Very likely, I can't bring myself to do it yet. Because somewhere inside us, there is probably still a little hope. Hopes of a less miserable life, if not a happy one. That final nail in the coffin might actually make us finally do it. I'm not yet at that point nor am I really sure if I'm even close.

 

[Samuel]

Yea I'm sure ill go through more suffering, with aging. I noticed I am starting to lose my hair on top of everything else. I can't picture myself a bald guy so. Definitely more suffering is to come and with that the will to ctb strengthens.