Discussion Do You Feel Good at All as a Suicidal Person?

[OutOfThisBody]

Just feel invalid because im suicidal but sometimes feel okay or happy. Can anyone relate?

 

[Webnext]

I am struggling a lot with life and have suicidal thoughts all the time but there are days I'm feeling fine and live like a normal human being. I rarely get enthusiastic or excited now but I wish I was since I my suicidal thoughts didn't happened before then.

 

[Plato'sCaveDweller]

I'm generally quite okay most of the time, I just recognize that it's better to be dead is all. It didn't used to be that way though.

 

[almaPerdida]

I've used to be okay, it just seemed like i had an exit ready in case things got worse in my life. But now i'm losing hope to go on the more the days go by. It's not just an option, but the solution. I've been trying to have hope to go on and not sadden people around me with my demise but i don't think i can hold on too long now

 

[alienfreak]

One of the best feelings as i ever had was a time when i was completely determined to ctb because it made all my problems irrelevant, nothing mattered and i had nothing to worry about. Feelings are complicated

 

[LapseInTime]

Not really, that's why I am suicidal, but, there are some "good" times, aka times I am not completely suffering. These are few and far between, always short-lived and, by the standards of what I perceive to be a "normal" person, completely insignificant. But I do sometimes get myself to laugh. As soon as I zoom out, it's nothing. But there are moments where I feel that I don't need to die RIGHT NOW, today, or even, this week. If I'm being honest, I am loosing touch with happiness, I successfully distract myself, but I know that this is weird.

 

[lament.]

I feel happy when with friends, but it's short lived because reality is unfortunately ever present, so it's hard to stay happy for an extended period of time, but yes I guess I relate to that, there's nothing wrong with being happy as a suicidal person, it's not like feeling happiness will magically make your problems go away and if it did then that would be great lol.

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

Most of the time I feel okay, it only really hurts when I'm up at 4 am, and the pain of knowing I'm going to wakeup hits me.

 

[StandardOtter]

I don't think being suicidal is something that can be gatekept. You don't need to be suicidal for your feelings to be valid and you don't need to justify why they make you suicidal. It's entirely personal, and I'm glad that you feel happy at least some of the time.

To answer your question. I think when I first attempted suicide I was actually more predisposed to happiness than sadness. It's just that I felt so overwhelmed and struggled with even simple daily things. Now I'm like LapseInTime in that I just aim for distraction.

 

[Moniker]

I'm able to smile every once in a while. I'm usually really emotionally flat, so "alright" is probably the best descriptor for how I almost always feel. I used to cry fairly often back in my early college years and earlier. Suicide ideation is constantly there, but I've got things on my mind to keep me occupied during some moments.

Regardless, there's no reason to be hung up on the validity of your feelings. For every post you find here, there is certainly someone who has it worse. That doesn't change the fact that their desire to ctb is likely genuine. I definitely agree with what @StandardOtter said; suicide can't be gatekept.

 

[davidtorez]

For me personally I only have temporary distractions to keep me from thinking about suicide 24/7.

 

[11April]

When I think about the fact that I have a way out in the form of suicide, I feel better.

But, in general, of course, I don't feel happy. I would like to live happily and not think about KTB.

Although I have something similar to bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder. Therefore, from time to time my mood changes. But when I calm down and find myself in a neutral state, I understand that there is very little joy left in my life.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I can't say I'm consistently happy for any length of time but, I'm not incapable of enjoying things. That doesn't make my ideation feel invalid though. If anything, it makes it seem more logical to me. I don't feel like depression or a very skewed perspective is pushing me towards CTB. I feel like- I simply can't make life work for me. So, more or less- it's more life than me that's the problem- or at least, I can't 'fit' happily into this world- if that makes sense?

In a nutshell. Life requires money. Money requires a job. I don't want to wage slave, I want to keep my creative job. My creative job is hugely precarious and I'm not business minded enough/ fast enough at it for it to be financially viable so, it takes up the majority of my time in doing it or, worrying about it. Which overall, doesn't make me happy. It's just the better option out of worse ones!

But, it's a bit like saying to someone paralyzed- you love playing football. That should be enough to make you want to live. Yeah- but they can't play football anymore because they're paralyzed! I don't think ideation is only for people who can't feel joy anymore. I think it can easily occur in people who still have the capacity to feel joy but, just can't get their life to a state in which they feel enough of it.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Uh, no, I don't feel good at all in this atrocious and sickening life. There isn't anything in life that I enjoy and there never will be. I've never felt good and I never will, that's just the reality of my life. At best, I can only be at peace when I'm dead due to the absence of suffering and pain but unfortunately I'm denied a painless exit out of here

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I can feel happy quite often even though I'm also suicidal. Unfortunately my happiness usually comes at the cost of others plus there's the sad fact that most of the things that make me happy come from the various ways to escape reality such as video games, listening to music (from video games), watching tv/movies, or even spending time with friends since that isn't very productive either.

 

[DeadNotSleeping]

I have moments of clarity/happiness but it's mostly fleeting. I can have things that make me happy. Gaming or movies being a distraction but as soon as I'm not doing anything I just feel awful.

 

[alivefornow]

No, I haven't felt good in a very long time. I'm desperate for the end, my body physically hurts from depression and I can't do anything about it. My heart hurts 24/7. I just want it to end. I wish people could understand this and grant me a peaceful and humane death.

 

[Darkover]

barely felt good in 8 years everyday is a struggle of wanting to die but not having a method
the only thing that makes me feel comfortable within my self is smoking weed which i've done most days for the last 8 years

 

[painfuleternity]

Yes, a lot of things make me happy. Most obviously, the thought of not being in this world anymore. But also more subtle things. Like hearing about my special interests makes me happy still. (Im autistic)
Long story short, if you are suicidal, and consistently feel like that, your feelings are valid!! And should not be denied just because youre happy sometimes.
Yes, a lot of things make me happy. Most obviously, the thought of not being in this world anymore. But also more subtle things. Like hearing about my special interests makes me happy still. (Im autistic)
Long story short, if you are suicidal, and consistently feel like that, your feelings are valid!! And should not be denied just because youre happy sometimes.

 

[LunarLight]

You can sometimes feel okay but be suicidal all in all. Doesn't make you less valid.

 

[etherealspring]

it does not make you less suicidal. ive felt short term happiness in fleeting moments whilst having fun, mostly with friends. ive gone through moments of feeling okay, then not, all whilst still having suicidal thoughts beneath the surface. it's been like this for me for several years.

i dont think it's uncommon for suicidal thoughts to come and go, and whether they r brief or constant they r still painful. so no, ur feelings r not invalid. if anything it can hurt even more when you think ur alright, just to meet the crushing realisation that ur definitely not lol. but that's just me

 

[FuneralCry]

No, I always find it painful and dreadful to exist, I see nothing desirable about prolonging the suffering just to end up in a situation of way worse torment, to me personally existence will always feel like a terrible mistake that just causes endless amounts of suffering and torments existing beings all for the sake of it, for me there could never be anything good about it all. It's all just so cruel and futile to me and more than anything I wish I never suffered at all, to simply be conscious and aware is a torturous burden to me and it terrifies me how the suffering of existing can continue for so long with no limit as to how much agony one can feel, I just wish to painlessly not exist and it brings me so much pain how I cannot just have a death like never waking again.

 

[bl00deater]

Most of the time, I feel okay. Just okay, a sickening gray instead of black (negative), or white (positive)

 

[OutOfThisBody]

I can't say I'm consistently happy for any length of time but, I'm not incapable of enjoying things. That doesn't make my ideation feel invalid though. If anything, it makes it seem more logical to me. I don't feel like depression or a very skewed perspective is pushing me towards CTB. I feel like- I simply can't make life work for me. So, more or less- it's more life than me that's the problem- or at least, I can't 'fit' happily into this world- if that makes sense?

In a nutshell. Life requires money. Money requires a job. I don't want to wage slave, I want to keep my creative job. My creative job is hugely precarious and I'm not business minded enough/ fast enough at it for it to be financially viable so, it takes up the majority of my time in doing it or, worrying about it. Which overall, doesn't make me happy. It's just the better option out of worse ones!

But, it's a bit like saying to someone paralyzed- you love playing football. That should be enough to make you want to live. Yeah- but they can't play football anymore because they're paralyzed! I don't think ideation is only for people who can't feel joy anymore. I think it can easily occur in people who still have the capacity to feel joy but, just can't get their life to a state in which they feel enough of it.

Im trying to get a creative job too, I'm in my last year of art school, and I've realized im just not up for the speed and quality needed to succeed in such a competitive feild, as well as the networking; I'm too shy for that. So I relate.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Im trying to get a creative job too, I'm in my last year of art school, and I've realized im just not up for the speed and quality needed to succeed in such a competitive feild, as well as the networking; I'm too shy for that. So I relate.

I wish you all the very best with it. I feel like creative people are kind of mutually blessed and cursed. Blessed because it can give us a real sense of purpose/ fulfilment in life but cursed because I think creative people aren't even remotely happy unless they are creating and, it's so hard to find sustainable work in this world. But, not impossible so, keeping everything crossed for you.

 

[maniac116]

I don't think people are "good" or "bad". We just "are". During our lives we do things considered "good" or "bad". In the end it's all just labels, nothing more, nothing less. I do think there is a point to life. We each just need to figure out what it is for us

 

[OutOfThisBody]

I don't think people are "good" or "bad". We just "are". During our lives we do things considered "good" or "bad". In the end it's all just labels, nothing more, nothing less. I do think there is a point to life. We each just need to figure out what it is for us

Oh no I meant do you feel good as in do you feel happy

 

[never]

Some days are better than others

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I still have moments of joy, thankfully. But I don't think I would consider that "happiness"

 

[willow115]

I haven't felt positive emotions in almost 2 years. Just dread, agony, horror. All day I experience some of the worst feelings imaginable. Sometimes I get lucky and have dissociation and numbness.

If I could feel joy or happiness I would live. I think those feelings were always worth the trouble.