Do you ever wonder what your last day will feel like?

[Lost Magic]

I truly believe this will be my last year on earth. I have everything I need like my SN and pills to make it more peaceful. I would like to be at ease with everything and try to let go of all worldly attachments. I know it won't be a cake walk but the thought of waking up to groundhog day all the time makes the thought of my last day all the more appealing. Survival instinct and daily rituals will continue, no doubt, because this is all I know.

 

[the_final_countdown]

I'm sort of praying my illness stops my heart or shuts down my kidneys. Unlikely. But one can hope.

Living is challenging and I don't want to live with challenges anymore.

My soul is weary and exhausted.

 

[booray]

I believe that this will be my last year as well. Each passing year has gotten progressively worse for me in terms of my mental health and I cannot bear it for much longer. I have SN and propranolol and have set a deadline for sometime in June at the latest. In the meantime, each day does indeed feel like Groundhog Day because I have no motivation to do anything and my anxiety is through the roof. I have to get my financial affairs in order and jettison worldly possessions, so hopefully can work through that with you all as my inspiration.

 

[Trisolaris]

I think it would be the same as any other day. Nothing special. Want that day to come already.

 

[wordsonscreen]

Surreal maybe.

 

[Lost Magic]

Strange to think that the body, which I have been trained to develop and look after will no longer be here though. Very bitter sweet, despite how much this world has fucked me over.

 

[wordsonscreen]

Strange to think that the body, which I have been trained to develop and look after will no longer be here though. Very bitter sweet, despite how much this world has fucked me over.

yeah... I've been going through this process of grieving my body and my life. Its been very strange. Bittersweet indeed <3 I wish this was all more normalized so it was easier. I think being forced to hide so much of ourselves makes the process harder than it needs to be :(

 

[Lost Magic]

yeah... I've been going through this process of grieving my body and my life. Its been very strange. Bittersweet indeed <3 I wish this was all more normalized so it was easier. I think being forced to hide so much of ourselves makes the process harder than it needs to be :(

I agree, Society doesn't like to talk about the sensitive subject of not wanting to be here anymore. In fact for a lot of us society has messed us up in the first place. We don't have to hide while we are on SS. At least we have a space to share our feelings with others who are going through similar or even greater life challenges. Pro lifers, just don't get this pain but they are human too and it will hit them one day as well.

 

[wordsonscreen]

I agree, Society doesn't like to talk about the sensitive subject of not wanting to be here anymore. In fact for a lot of us society has messed us up in the first place. We don't have to hide while we are on SS. At least we have a space to share our feelings with others who are going through similar or even greater life challenges. Pro lifers, just don't get this pain but they are human too and it will hit them one day as well.

We are all flawed. I'm just glad we have this space. It makes things tolerable :)

 

[Adamsnolife]

Probably relief that living will shortly be over

 

[OnlyTheWind]

I hope I will be numb and totally given over to my suicide mission. Full of regrets and biterness, but also an unbreakable will.

 

[stygal]

I should feel relieve or peace by now but I actually feel terrified whenever I don't distract myself or don't act as if everything was normal.
So it's probably going to be the same on my last day. Just want to shut my brain of already.

 

[Frauw]

Boring? uneventful mostly, I would like to enjoy a few things I actually like about this world on my last day though

 

[AE2021]

My life is also an endless loop of ground hog day. There is no doubt that the last day will be a huge relief and letting go. I have several methods planned out and will not have doubts when the time comes. Right now I have some balance and just go day by day. But the trigger will be when I start to lose independence with no way of getting it back. Then I will just take a deep breath and go.

Last year I had an acute medical situation and was by myself not knowing what was going on and if I was going to make it or not. The interesting part is that I was extremely calm and kind of hoping it was the end. Kept taking deep breaths and telling myself to kind of dive into the loss of consciousness. Now I use that experience to practice for when the real event occurs.

 

[WornOutLife]

I think my last day will be being calm (with a terrible hangover because I plan to party hard the previous day and live life to the fullest).
I will plan everything carefully, write some goodbye letters, record some goodbye videos, clean and tidy up my apartment, try to see my dog and dad for the last time (just some hours because I'll have to ctb that day, or maybe I could do it the previous day.) and that will be enough.

At least something like that is what I did when I failed to ctb last August, except for partying hard lol.

Kinda off topic but, I also wonder how I will die if I don't ctb. Will I die in an accident? Have a heart attack? Cancer? Will a thief kill me? I'm so curious about it.

 

[Misantrope]

Nope, because even if some of us consider to ctb, something unplanned may happen even before that. Human body can be too fragile. So everyday can be the last...

 

[HowSoonIsNow]

I'm leaving next week, I just hope that God can forgive me for the bad things I've done and allows me to have a peaceful death

 

[lonerclown666]

it will be a boring day just like always

 

[FuneralCry]

I will probably be hoping that the method does not fail and I can finally be at peace and be free from this horrible life. If only suicide was easier. If it was easier I would have been gone a long time ago. I think if I had a reliable peaceful exit then it would be such a relief that it is all coming to an end.