Do you ever think you would become suicidal when growing up.

[Gonnerr]

Personally, no i never thought my life would end like this growing up, almost everything was going well but you know life happen.

Im willing to accept that's the way i will go soon , either its a matter of months or years.

Im still trying to save myself but i think i will or need to loose that battle to avoid more future suffering.

Thanks.

This poll is also to show pro-lifers if they see this that it can happen to almost if not everybody when things goes sideways.

Please treat us with respect , you can end up here one day and will need support , i mean real support , no bullshit empty words from suicide hotlines.

 

[Sylveon]

Nope, I didn't; looking back, though, I can't say that I'm surprised either...

 

[ripberman]

Yes. Unfortunately, I began having suicidal thoughts at a young age—probably close to 11 or 12. As such, I implicitly assumed that I would grow to become a suicidal adult.

I suspect many of us on this forum who suffered from childhood abuse/trauma can probably relate.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I certainly did wish to cease existing when I was growing up, in fact wishing to be permanently free from this existence is all I know. Even when I was very young the thought of eternally ceasing to exist comforted me, I've only ever wished to fall into an dreamless and eternal sleep where I'm free from the burden that is having the ability to exist. Wanting suicide is all that makes sense to me as existence is very undesirable.

 

[Anonymoususer1234]

I've been varying degrees of suicidal for as long as I can remember.

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

No, at 6 years i heard about the fact that some people kill themselve and i just wondered naively why would someone do that ?
A few years after, i remember getting a dvd called " the suicide shop", an animated movie. The name of the movie as well as the movie itself really fascinated me. Maybe i was destined to become suicidal and this past event was a sign.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

Yep.

 

[numar]

ive been suicidal for most of my life including growing up so i guess yeah

 

[HealMyBrain]

Maybe? For most of my life, I've just kinda been cruising. Some days it would be really good, other days it would just be meh, whatever, it's alright. I did first attempt suicide when I was like 6, though. And I've always had anxiety attacks that make me passively suicidal (e.g. don't wanna die, but if I was hit by a car right now, that would be okay)

 

[tidal1]

I never did even though I grew up with a chronic illness that constantly had me landing in the hospital. I went through so much at a young age with my physical health that I just assumed that things HAD to get better from here. When I was finally healthy, I thought I had my whole life ahead of me, but one shitty thing after another after another happened, and needless to say, I'm here now so…

 

[tunnelV]

You made a good point. No I wouldn't have expected such a painful outcome. No person chooses to want to die. It's something inflicted on us through other experiences. Just like nobody wakes up on day and tells themselves to become depressed.

 

[Doz]

Yes, I've been suicidal since I was very young. Hearing and seeing things typically along the lines of "Enjoy being young because being an adult sucks"; I think to myself why should I even live past childhood if being an adult is so miserable? It's sounds like such a simple minded thought at first (and fucked up but I was a pretty weird kid), yet years later here I am asking myself the same question.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Hmm, depends from which age you are talking about. I was suicidal since age 10 though. Maybe I didn't think I would be before that but I don't really remember.

As for pro-lifers being respectful of the people more recently affected by ideation. I'm not sure. I think it would probably play more into their whole- this is a fleeting phase for people- not the norm. I think many would be surprised that a lot of people have ideation for years- even decades before acting on it. But yes- depression can affect anyone. Ideation can too. Anyone's life can go to shit!

 

[a-friend]

I had never idealized suicide until a few years ago. Now it's everything to me. Guns, baby! That's the way to go!

 

[damnatio memoriae]

no. i thought suicidal people were stupid in fact. didn't understand why someone would want to die

 

[leftvoid]

Honestly, I've had these thoughts since I was 12 years old. Everyone told me it would get better when I grew up and I wouldn't feel this way anymore. I am now 22 years old, and I still have these thoughts. I guess I thought I'd grow out of it but never truly did. Sad but oh well, one day I'll just say fuck it and CTB.

 

[mrelief82]

No, i didnt understand it.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I assume you refer to childhood and early adulthood with "growing up". Back then I wasn't suicidal at all didn't even think about it and I never wanted to die.

However it was always clear to me, I don't remember how old I was when I came to that conclusion, that suicide can be an option should life circumstances require it.

For most of my life I've not been suicidal at all only after I failed big in life a few years ago - recovery almost impossible.

 

[mashka9]

i started struggling with depression and sh (cutting) when i was 11 yo. i wasn't suicidal yet at that point, but i remember having this weird thought that i wasn't going to ever grow up to be old? if that makes any sense.

i'm 18 now, and i've been diagnosed with both GAD and MDD, and also have had many failed attempts. still, even before i started seriously considering ctb, i had had suicidal ideation for literally as long as i can remember.., i don't recall a time in my life where i didn't kind of see myself ctb at some point when i'm older, even when i wasn't actively planning to ctb.

 

[Darkover]

no i always thought to my self when i heard about suicide on the news that i would never do it life was just to good to me at that time fast forward until 18 that's when i first became suicidal after a relationship breakup, i was naive when i was a child not understanding why people commit suicide it's because of mental or physical pain

 

[melancholia_melodia]

No, not until I was 13-14 years old, because I didn't realize how miserable my life was when I was younger. It was only when I grew older that I became self-aware of my pain and became suicidal.

 

[horrible]

nope, I remember hearing about a suicide case when I was around 10 and I thought to myself "why would anyone ever do that?"
and now suicide is nearly all I can really think of. younger me would be very disappointed

 

[ctvunny]

I did think that life isnt going to be easy back then, but thought that I woudnt be "someone whos suicidal" then covid happened.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

No. When I was a child I did not even know about the act of suicide. I only realized that people end their lives when I became a teenager, and at this point in life I was indifferent; it was not something that I frowned on, or something that I liked either, but I never once thought at the time that I would become suicidal myself.

 

[stoiccactus]

I sort of always knew in the back of my head how this would all end

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I first started having thoughts about wanting to die when I was 8 and by the time I was in grade 9 I was already aware of the fact that those thoughts were likely not going to go away anytime soon. None of this is a suprise for me.