Do you ever secretly wish someone would check in on you?

[NotesFromTheShadow]

I'm having this mental dilemma going on a lot of, on one hand wanting to completely isolate from the world, be by myself and just bathe in my misery, but at the same time wishing that someone would come to my door and check in on me, ask me how I'm really doing. Stop me from whatever self-destructive behaviour I was probably in the middle of.

Anybody relate to that?

 

[Danby]

Oh yes. I wish someone, anyone, would check in and show that they cared.

 

[Gstreater]

Yeah, I would love to be checked on, to know that I'm cared for and that I'm loved.

 

[username12345]

I think everyone hopes that there is some sort of miracle, but for me I know at this point that nothing and no one is going to help. I've been struggling alone for too many years now only to be a punching bag or some form of entertainment. I've had no real friends or family and so not having anyone in your life makes it really easy. At this point it's more logical than emotional for me.

If you have some people in your life and/or you're just wanting some sort of hope, reach out to them or call 988.

 

[NotesFromTheShadow]

I think everyone hopes that there is some sort of miracle, but for me I know at this point that nothing and no one is going to help. I've been struggling alone for too many years now only to be a punching bag or some form of entertainment. I've had no real friends or family and so not having anyone in your life makes it really easy. At this point it's more logical than emotional for me.

If you have some people in your life and/or you're just wanting some sort of hope, reach out to them or call 988.

What do you mean by "to be a punching bag or entertainment"?

And, yeah. I totally get that. I've also had moments where I was so depressed and isolating myself from the world for such a long time, that all friendships just faded away and if I didn't do anything I'd probably not even get a single phone call for weeks or so. This state made me very nihilistic and indifferent about all people in general.

 

[Gangrel]

I get checked on and even then it doesn't change, makes it worse actually because they can do nothing about it, it's just fucking weird... like hey i wanna ctb, yeah sorry about it, no you can't fix it.

 

[MarbleArch]

i do and i dont.

it's nice to feel wanted, but it sucks to feel burdensome, and it's hard to talk about it with people.

it certainly sucks that there's no one to talk to about it, but there is solace in isolation.

 

[CantDoIt]

I actually am checked in but it doesn't change the way I feel. :( it's nice that people care though.

 

[LittleMoose]

I completely get what you mean, I feel the same way. But I'm also too afraid to talk about my feelings, I don't want to feel like a burden to anyone. But for once I do wish when I did talk about my feelings, someone would say the things I want to hear. Just reassurance, really.

 

[Beyond_Repair]

Yeah it'd feel good for someone to ask how I'm doing. It wouldn't change the outcome, but it will at least feel good to know someone cared

 

[Kalista]

i don't secretly wish it. i've expressed it to the very few who knows about the plan to kill myself. yet it still takes me to reach out in order to get anything from them. the most important person in my life doesn't want anything to do with me anymore even after saying i'll be missed while crying. when i do call one of them, they act like nothing's wrong until i fucking get upset. to this day there's still no contact from them. all i can assume is i'm not taken seriously. my problems aren't that bad to their eyes and eventually i'll get over it. it's amazing how that works.

 

[BlazingBob]

No because I don't want to bring anyone into my web of misery. There's nothing they can do anyway, unless they bring me a bunch of money but that still wouldn't fix my debilitating health problems. My situation is truly hopeless and at this point I just want to not exist. Easier said than done.

 

[sophia8947]

I wish, but no one cares about me.

 

[ashtoreth]

It would be one or a mix of the following:
- reprimands, shaming, guilt tripping
- pressure to seek some sort of help and to talk.

I do not want any of that. The first, reasons I don't are obvious. The second, several defined personal reasons.

Some people called the police to check on me because I ceased contact with everyone. What's that gonna do if you don't show obvious, serious distress or they see other serious signs in your home?
I'll tell you what it did for me. I smiled politely and calmly, told them everything was fine, and off they went.
And then, I felt incredibly alienated, betrayed, unsafe, horribly raw and vulnerable, and intruded upon. For a long time, and especially that unsafe feeling never went away.
You bet it reinforced my reasons for and executing of the total radio silence. I mostly stopped posting here aswell because it could be unsafe.

One of the most brutal things was hearing and seeing my partner of ten years tell me, after the breakup, how much better they feel now. Several times in one meeting. I would say it destroyed me, but in reality there wasn't much left to be destroyed, and also it is utterly logical, understandable and foreseeable for them to feel that way. I just sat there looking at them. The first time I just replied "I know". The rest just washed through me, I already felt emotionally dead.

The singular thing that elicited a slightly positive feeling was single messages with an open offer to help, if I want. Two people did that, once each. That was the only sensible thing that happened. For a moment I felt seen and respected.

In essence it doesn't differ that much from before. I was still lonely, inside. Now there is no additional burden of the reminding of the feelings and needs of others, of which I am not able take care anymore.

 

[skybroke]

I'm having this mental dilemma going on a lot of, on one hand wanting to completely isolate from the world, be by myself and just bathe in my misery, but at the same time wishing that someone would come to my door and check in on me, ask me how I'm really doing. Stop me from whatever self-destructive behaviour I was probably in the middle of.

Anybody relate to that?

I do sometimes get checked on but in this nihilistic mindset and how I view the world, I end up despising them and want them to die, I don't clean my room, I got two cans of beer today, I put my bed on the ground because I didn't want to sleep against the wall, I do wish that I could start doing dph again, apparently it lowers iq so I think, it will probably be more blissful, and I'll stop being so negative with my self, ima sleep.

 

[kunikuzushi]

No someone checks in on me every day and desperately wants to help me feel better, but I don't need help. The problem is existence itself

 

[sugarb]

I wish I could just talk to my mom about it without her crying, getting upset, hospitalizing me, or trying to get me to do annoying stuff to recover

 

[Forever Sleep]

I used to but then I find I just feel more dependent on people and they ultimately let you down and it feels so much worse. Either I'd end up over sharing/ over burdening and feel like a nuisance. They'd respond to problems with platitudes or simply ridiculous suggestions that they would never follow themselves. Or, best case scenario- they would be of incredible support until the day they weren't.

I've just found it's far safer to try to keep stuff to myself. (Here is an incredible release for all that.) And to try not to expect stuff from people. That way, you don't get bitterly disappointed.

I actually recall the moment when I needed to readjust. I'd most probably overburdened a very good friend who responded that their partner was in fact their best friend now. It was honest and fair but it made me try to depend on them less.

I actually think you've got to be incredibly lucky to have someone in your life who has enough time and enough emotional stability themselves to be able to be so supportive.

I suppose I also know that I would be incredibly difficult to cope with if I was really honest with someone. I'm not actually interested in recovery or being 'fixed'. So- it would be such a drain on them with no real hope of improvement. I think it's better if I try to spare someone that.

 

[Sat]

They say you can only lead a horse to a water was and it should drink on by itself, but since I'm a human, current me is something like amputated, can't move and too tired to do so. I would drink the water but it would take more effort. Basically I wish someone would just break this border I made around myself and feel like I deserve to live.

 

[Morte]

No, people only try to help me in exchange for favors and they won't be interested in me after discovering that I have nothing to offer them. They always disappoint me in one way or another, in the end it ends up making me even worse, so im better off by myself.

 

[martamaniula]

I wish anyone would care. I had moments in my life that I've been parts of communities which helped me get my mental health better. Now I'm all alone and nibody cares and I feel worthless to the world around me. I'm just taking up space.

 

[dimgobaith]

Yes. The worst part about my plan to ctb is that I have a 100% chance of it being pulled off because no one will notice or check on me.
It's the knowing that you mean nothing except to your enemies

 

[yvesapple]

I'm having this mental dilemma going on a lot of, on one hand wanting to completely isolate from the world, be by myself and just bathe in my misery, but at the same time wishing that someone would come to my door and check in on me, ask me how I'm really doing. Stop me from whatever self-destructive behaviour I was probably in the middle of.

Anybody relate to that?

yeah i've been planning to ctb when my sn gets here but as the days go by and the date gets closer i just really wish someone was here for me

 

[SteamaHorns]

It's one of the only things that I genuinely want anymore, but only if the person actually understands how I feel and isn't just trying to push the desire to live down my throat or pressure me into no longer considering it for the sake of their own emotional well-being. I know it's really selfish, but I just want someone to help me feel at peace and as disconnected from reality as possible. At the same time, I wouldn't want anyone to check up on me soley to avoid scaring or hurting someone due to my extremely selfish and spoiled need to be spoon-fed an overly-specific form of emotional support tailored to my liking.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

No. I want to be left alone. I don't want other people to bother me. I hate it when other people bother me

 

[danter0id]

plenty of people "check on me" to assuage their conscience, but not a lot check on me because they actually want to offer help. I'm tired of getting "you're a human being, I want you to be okay! anyway here's hours upon hours of work that must be done today or over your weekend, no breaks, thanks bye." don't "check on me" to feel okay about dropping more work in my lap, do it because you want to help.

 

[Final_Choice]

I want someone to care enough about me to check on me, but at the same time when one of my friends check on me I feel bad about them doing so, so maybe I don't and I just want someone to care enough about me as much as I care about them.

 

[NullSz00]

There was a time when a friend would check on me daily, but in the end they realized it wasn't worth it so I guess they just gave up.

I just think people shouldn't waste their time on me so I can't say I do.

 

[NotesFromTheShadow]

yeah i've been planning to ctb when my sn gets here but as the days go by and the date gets closer i just really wish someone was here for me

Sorry to hear that. do you have anyone around you atm? Any friend, family member, therapist ore anyone else who's in the picture of what's going on? Or are you in it all on your own?

It would be one or a mix of the following:
- reprimands, shaming, guilt tripping
- pressure to seek some sort of help and to talk.

I do not want any of that. The first, reasons I don't are obvious. The second, several defined personal reasons.

Some people called the police to check on me because I ceased contact with everyone. What's that gonna do if you don't show obvious, serious distress or they see other serious signs in your home?
I'll tell you what it did for me. I smiled politely and calmly, told them everything was fine, and off they went.
And then, I felt incredibly alienated, betrayed, unsafe, horribly raw and vulnerable, and intruded upon. For a long time, and especially that unsafe feeling never went away.
You bet it reinforced my reasons for and executing of the total radio silence. I mostly stopped posting here aswell because it could be unsafe.

One of the most brutal things was hearing and seeing my partner of ten years tell me, after the breakup, how much better they feel now. Several times in one meeting. I would say it destroyed me, but in reality there wasn't much left to be destroyed, and also it is utterly logical, understandable and foreseeable for them to feel that way. I just sat there looking at them. The first time I just replied "I know". The rest just washed through me, I already felt emotionally dead.

The singular thing that elicited a slightly positive feeling was single messages with an open offer to help, if I want. Two people did that, once each. That was the only sensible thing that happened. For a moment I felt seen and respected.

In essence it doesn't differ that much from before. I was still lonely, inside. Now there is no additional burden of the reminding of the feelings and needs of others, of which I am not able take care anymore.

Oh wow, so sorry you had to go through that.

I guess when people call the police on us or try to force us into recovery, it's because they are really desperate and they don't know what else to do anymore.
I've had that happen to me too and had to be in an institution for 8 weeks, which was hell and made things even worse.

But yeah, no blame to the people, I guess they are genuinely trying to help and it's super hard for them when they know something major is going on, so they try and reach out, and all we do is push them away.

I honestly never really wanted to push anyone away, but it felt like I couldn't do anything else. It was just too painful to let them in. Plus, sometimes it can also trigger them so hard, that they lose their shit and all of a sudden you're the one who has to take care of someone.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

Yes - just one. I have one family member but the friends have stopped. They weren't really friends - they were online avatars but no emotional care for me. They were all normal and healthy and in the end just treated me like nothing.

I just wanted one person so I didn't feel alone and could either finish planning or at least have some semblance of a life, but I don't think that will happen in this life time. I was hoping to find someone here in a similar life period. But it's good, at least I know it's good to wrap things up. I have no ties to anyone - I have a lease, but that's it. Credit cards will be paid off, any left over money given away, all items donated.

I'm already dead and invisible, this will at least feel like freedom.