do you ever feel like you’re not trying hard enough?

[wildflowers1996]

I have this feeling that perhaps I'm too stubborn or too intolerant of pain and have no accountability, that I don't try hard enough. maybe I say "therapy doesn't work" because I don't engage with it properly or give it a chance. But when I have tried it I feel worse, and getting support for mental health is not easy. Everywhere seems overworked and unable to offer much help

at the same time I think I'm just wired wrong and can't ever feel better. It feels like therapy is trying to get me to lie to myself. I know neuroplasticity is a thing and maybe I don't know enough about it but at this point I just feel it's too late. I'm just too broken at this point. I don't want to keep trying. I just desperately want to ctb I've really just had enough

but then I'm just tormented by guilt. I don't want to hurt my family. I wish I was nicer. I wish I wasn't so selfish. But expecting me to suffer so much until I finally die naturally just seems so daunting

I feel like I shouldn't be like this because like - I'm not in Gaza. Why can't I just be grateful?

 

[venomousSSërpent74]

I get it trying to help yourself is exhausting getting help is exhausting living is exhausting and the pressure from people makes it worse it will always be like that for some it won't and for people those who care or friends it will be a painful experience for them but you have to do what's best for you even if that means hurting people. you won't even be alive anymore so honestly it wouldn't matter that's why it's a hard decision and than it comes down to actually doing it passing the natural instinct to want to live and save yourself and fear after or before your already in the middle of CTB. so if at some point you do decide make sure it is the right time for you and I wish you the best of luck with whatever life throws at you or you decide in the end.

NOTE: I am not trying to discourage you from your decisions trust me just do what's best for you and sorry if I'm to honest.

 

[wildflowers1996]

I get it trying to help yourself is exhausting getting help is exhausting living is exhausting and the pressure from people makes it worse it will always be like that for some it won't and for people those who care or friends it will be a painful experience for them but you have to do what's best for you even if that means hurting people. you won't even be alive anymore so honestly it wouldn't matter that's why it's a hard decision and than it comes down to actually doing it passing the natural instinct to want to live and save yourself and fear after or before your already in the middle of CTB. so if at some point you do decide make sure it is the right time for you and I wish you the best of luck with whatever life throws at you or you decide in the end.

NOTE: I am not trying to discourage you from your decisions trust me just do what's best for you and sorry if I'm to honest.

thank you <3
I'm just not sure I agree that I wouldn't be alive so it wouldn't matter
it would be better for /me/ - I wouldn't have to see anyone I love suffer, but it wouldn't be ok for them, they would still exist and suffer, even if I didn't have to witness it </3 I feel so worthless but I know my mum loves me because it's her instinct to

 

[venomousSSërpent74]

thank you <3
I'm just not sure I agree that I wouldn't be alive so it wouldn't matter
it would be better for /me/ - I wouldn't have to see anyone I love suffer, but it wouldn't be ok for them, they would still exist and suffer, even if I didn't have to witness it </3 I feel so worthless but I know my mum loves me because it's her instinct to

that is understandable and makes sense i feel similar and sorry for that comment of course it would matter i just mean to say that you would have passed so you wouldn't be suffering anymore. and i realize that was also cruel to say.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Therapy can only help you if the therapist is able to address the triggers (factors) that lead to your MH issues. They must be cured or eliminated in the best case. That's often impossible especially when the reasons are unknown.

Only you can know whether you want to / can do more or you've done enough. Therapy (and meds) is mostly trial and error unfortunately.

In my case neither therapy nor meds are able to cure the issues that are causing me depressive episodes and suicidal thoughts. That's y I don't even consider that.

I wish you all the best.

 

[tiger b]

You talk about feelings a lot.

And honesty.

Are all your/anybody's feelings actually always honest themselves? How does therapy feel like you're lying to yourself - is it the point of it, what you have to do in that therapy - or the feelings that are brought up?

If feelings is your strength, surely you could use that strength in someway...if your goal is to feel better. Even a little.

 

[wildflowers1996]

that is understandable and makes sense i feel similar and sorry for that comment of course it would matter i just mean to say that you would have passed so you wouldn't be suffering anymore. and i realize that was also cruel to say.

it wasn't cruel at all, I know what you meant <3

 

[leavingsoon99]

I have this feeling that perhaps I'm too stubborn or too intolerant of pain and have no accountability, that I don't try hard enough. maybe I say "therapy doesn't work" because I don't engage with it properly or give it a chance. But when I have tried it I feel worse, and getting support for mental health is not easy. Everywhere seems overworked and unable to offer much help

at the same time I think I'm just wired wrong and can't ever feel better. It feels like therapy is trying to get me to lie to myself. I know neuroplasticity is a thing and maybe I don't know enough about it but at this point I just feel it's too late. I'm just too broken at this point. I don't want to keep trying. I just desperately want to ctb I've really just had enough

but then I'm just tormented by guilt. I don't want to hurt my family. I wish I was nicer. I wish I wasn't so selfish. But expecting me to suffer so much until I finally die naturally just seems so daunting

I feel like I shouldn't be like this because like - I'm not in Gaza. Why can't I just be grateful?

Just my opinion...

Life shouldn't really need "therapy". People ask a lot of the wrong questions when dealing with this. I mean, sure, we need support and help throughout life. I've never prescribed to the idea that one needs a "therapy" of some kind to deal with it simply because they are not seen as "normal" to the society they are in. (Save for people of obvious mental health impairments, i.e. Downs Syndrome, etc.) People are quick to beat themselves up and take a beating from society and not question what is really causing these issues to make them need therapy. Is it that you're really that abnormal, or that the society in which you live in is fucked up? Why try hard to be normal in a fucked up society? See, this is what makes a pro-lifer, motivator seem and sound so dumb to me. Are you really trying to normalize someone in a thoroughly messed up society? To be productive in a society that is destroying the planet? That needs war to keep its economy afloat? A racist society? Someone should seek to be normal in that? People drop this quote a lot, but I don't think many really meditate on it.

"It is no mark of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." - Jiddu Krishnamurti

I don't think you should beat yourself up too much. It is healthy to question society and their methods for providing "help" to you as well. I mean, if you have to be medicated to oblivion just to deal with life, then is life really worth living?

Not trying to influence you, just giving you loving, honest feedback. I think you're beating yourself up and you shouldn't.