Do you ever feel like you don't really exist?

[d3c96524be95]

Quite often, I feel like I don't exist to other people's eyes. When I walk in the street, people are consistently walking straight into me if I'm not the one making a step aside. No symmetry, they just won't move 1 centimeter and they'll go straight into me if I don't move myself. In public transports, people regularly step backwards or forward onto me, even when it's not crowded, or when I'm in an isolated spot, or when they have plenty of room available. They're sometimes actively pushing on me or touching me for extended periods of time for no apparent reason, and they just won't consider me. I really don't understand how that's even possible, how can they not realize they're touching me if I am realizing it?

As for social situations, when I say something, someone will more often than not cut me off and talk about a complete different topic. Or I'll often realize that nobody was actually listening to what I was saying. Sometimes, somebody will say the exact same thing I had said the moment just before, and they will get reactions. When I'm in a group of people in a circle, the circle will often shrink and leave me behind, without people in the group ever noticing I'm being "ejected" from the circle. I don't think it's a conscious move from the group, it just happens so. When that happens, I really feel downhearted, incompetent and it makes me very anxious. Can't sleep for days.

I know this must be mostly in my head and it may sound kind of ridiculous, but I've had this feeling since I was born and it's affected me a lot. I have countless instances of this, so much that I've developed some kind of persecution complex through the years. I feel like people are somehow conspiring against me because it's so hard for me to come up with a different explanation for the way they're behaving. I know it may sound irrational and egocentric, but it's really about "system 1" (feeling, intuition). If I think about it more logically, I can well imagine that this could be due to a combination of factors more likely than conspiracy, such as:

• me being very introverted
• confirmation bias (I always take note of such situation, but not the other way around)
• lack of self-esteem
• poor social skills (likely due to ASD) which is preventing me from reacting or behaving appropriately in such situation
• people actually being jerks, unaware of their environment, living only for themselves in their own space
• people subconsciously seeing me as insignificant/ugly/dumb therefore deserving less esteem and consideration than other people

That's rough, because I try so hard to respect other people's boundaries, space and voice. But IDK, no matter what, people will find a way to remind me I don't belong to this world.

Have you ever had similar feelings? Were you able to overcome them? Is it a normal depressive or ASD symptom? WDYT?

 

[Darkover]

humans exist in limbo an intermediate condition wherever it's being awake or sleeping we only exist temporarily one moment alive the next dead, so yes i question wherever we really exist at all of course we do exist but not for very long it's limbo

 

[mierepeashi]

humans exist in limbo an intermediate condition wherever it's being awake or sleeping we only exist temporarily one moment alive the next dead, so yes i question wherever we really exist at all of course we do exist but not for very long it's limbo

Where have you read about this I really wanna know more about what you are talking about. If you could guide me a bit that would be nice.

 

[spinningship]

I'm autistic too and often have the same kind of persecutory beliefs in public. But you've got to be careful not to read too much into certain things like for instance if you don't move out someone's way that's going to screw up their autopilot and they may end up bumping into you. Generally people start to move apart slowly and then take that as a signal to both move apart so if you deliberately try and test it by not moving you're going to bump into people because you're basically not obeying standard protocol.

 

[d3c96524be95]

I'm autistic too and often have the same kind of persecutory beliefs in public. But you've got to be careful not to read too much into certain things like for instance if you don't move out someone's way that's going to screw up their autopilot and they may end up bumping into you. Generally people start to move apart slowly and then take that as a signal to both move apart so if you deliberately try and test it by not moving you're going to bump into people because you're basically not obeying standard protocol.

That's genuinely helpful. Thank you.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I do feel this a lot too. I have huge social anxiety though- so I think this tends to make social situations REALLY difficult. My 'solution' was to become a recluse pretty much! Not a solution at all I realise. I was fortunate though because I lived and worked at home alone for years.

I'm about to start a new job now though where I will have to work with others. I'm dreading it. I'm sure just trying to put on a 'normal' act is going to be exhausting in itself.

I really feel for you. It does sound like you try to be around others. Has it got ANY easier for you over time? I used to think doing more of it would make it easier but maybe not.

 

[d3c96524be95]

I do feel this a lot too. I have huge social anxiety though- so I think this tends to make social situations REALLY difficult. My 'solution' was to become a recluse pretty much! Not a solution at all I realise. I was fortunate though because I lived and worked at home alone for years.

I'm about to start a new job now though where I will have to work with others. I'm dreading it. I'm sure just trying to put on a 'normal' act is going to be exhausting in itself.

I really feel for you. It does sound like you try to be around others. Has it got ANY easier for you over time? I used to think doing more of it would make it easier but maybe not.

Thanks for responding, it really means a lot to me. Sounds like we're in a very similar spot .

I used to try to socialize a little with moderate to decent success, but now I just cannot handle it anymore. It's just too hard to dwell for years on the moments I think I've been awkward and on the moments people were rude or gave me that feeling of not existing. That took a toll on me. Each time it consumes so much energy and strengthen my sensation of guilt, for basically no reward. You're certainly right that doing it more often makes it easier to perform better at socializing, but the amount of guilt is also strongly correlated to the amount of interactions, to the point where I decided it's just not worth it. In fact, it's only gotten harder and worse over time. Even getting in touch with my parents has gotten difficult now.

I've also been fortunate enough to have the ability to work remotely for the last 3 years, which definitely has provided some relief (while I knew well it was just avoidance coping, as you pointed out). But now, my work has become a burden and my former colleagues, who I used to get on with, have left the company and been replaced by mostly toxic people. I feel even more recluse and drained from the inside. The prospect of finding a new job, facing potential rejections, while at my lowest point with stronger suicidal thoughts than ever just leaves me paralized.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Thanks for responding, it really means a lot to me. Sounds like we're in a very similar spot .

I used to try to socialize a little with moderate to decent success, but now I just cannot handle it anymore. It's just too hard to dwell for years on the moments I think I've been awkward and on the moments people were rude or gave me that feeling of not existing. That took a toll on me. Each time it consumes so much energy and strengthen my sensation of guilt, for basically no reward. You're certainly right that doing it more often makes it easier to perform better at socializing, but the amount of guilt is also strongly correlated to the amount of interactions, to the point where I decided it's just not worth it. In fact, it's only gotten harder and worse over time. Even getting in touch with my parents has gotten difficult now.

I've also been fortunate enough to have the ability to work remotely for the last 3 years, which definitely has provided some relief (while I knew well it was just avoidance coping, as you pointed out). But now, my work has become a burden and my former colleagues, who I used to get on with, have left the company and been replaced by mostly toxic people. I feel even more recluse and drained from the inside. The prospect of finding a new job, facing potential rejections, while at my lowest point with stronger suicidal thoughts than ever just leaves me paralized.

Oh God- I feel so similar. I know exactly what you mean. I'm always remembering all the times that I've humiliated myself. I don't think 'normal' people understand just how crushing and sickening it is to feel shy and awkward. It's debhilitating.

Yes- I've come to the same conclusion that it simply doesn't seem worth tackling my social anxiety because that would no doubt mean putting myself in excruciatingly uncomfortable situations.

Kind of sounds like neither of us have much choice now though. I think some people just naturally are introverts though- just more comfortable on their own. I don't think we're going to be able to change that. I guess we're just going to have to find ways of coping being around people again.

A quote from Dr Seuss really comforts me:

'Be who you are and say how you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.'

I think maybe- don't try too hard to fit in or impress people. Try to be yourself and that will naturally draw like minded people to you. Ultimately- you don't need people around you that you don't especially get on with. If they are toxic- I'd try and avoid them all together! Just be professional when you have to but no more. Good luck. Hopefully, we'll both be ok.

 

[d3c96524be95]

Oh God- I feel so similar. I know exactly what you mean. I'm always remembering all the times that I've humiliated myself. I don't think 'normal' people understand just how crushing and sickening it is to feel shy and awkward. It's debhilitating.

Yes- I've come to the same conclusion that it simply doesn't seem worth tackling my social anxiety because that would no doubt mean putting myself in excruciatingly uncomfortable situations.

Kind of sounds like neither of us have much choice now though. I think some people just naturally are introverts though- just more comfortable on their own. I don't think we're going to be able to change that. I guess we're just going to have to find ways of coping being around people again.

A quote from Dr Seuss really comforts me:

'Be who you are and say how you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.'

I think maybe- don't try too hard to fit in or impress people. Try to be yourself and that will naturally draw like minded people to you. Ultimately- you don't need people around you that you don't especially get on with. If they are toxic- I'd try and avoid them all together! Just be professional when you have to but no more. Good luck. Hopefully, we'll both be ok.

Thanks. Also, wishing you to overcome that, whatever the way.

 

[puppet_nihilist]

Quite often, I feel like I don't exist to other people's eyes. When I walk in the street, people are consistently walking straight into me if I'm not the one making a step aside. No symmetry, they just won't move 1 centimeter and they'll go straight into me if I don't move myself. In public transports, people regularly step backwards or forward onto me, even when it's not crowded, or when I'm in an isolated spot, or when they have plenty of room available. They're sometimes actively pushing on me or touching me for extended periods of time for no apparent reason, and they just won't consider me. I really don't understand how that's even possible, how can they not realize they're touching me if I am realizing it?

As for social situations, when I say something, someone will more often than not cut me off and talk about a complete different topic. Or I'll often realize that nobody was actually listening to what I was saying. Sometimes, somebody will say the exact same thing I had said the moment just before, and they will get reactions. When I'm in a group of people in a circle, the circle will often shrink and leave me behind, without people in the group ever noticing I'm being "ejected" from the circle. I don't think it's a conscious move from the group, it just happens so. When that happens, I really feel downhearted, incompetent and it makes me very anxious. Can't sleep for days.

I know this must be mostly in my head and it may sound kind of ridiculous, but I've had this feeling since I was born and it's affected me a lot. I have countless instances of this, so much that I've developed some kind of persecution complex through the years. I feel like people are somehow conspiring against me because it's so hard for me to come up with a different explanation for the way they're behaving. I know it may sound irrational and egocentric, but it's really about "system 1" (feeling, intuition). If I think about it more logically, I can well imagine that this could be due to a combination of factors more likely than conspiracy, such as:

• me being very introverted
• confirmation bias (I always take note of such situation, but not the other way around)
• lack of self-esteem
• poor social skills (likely due to ASD) which is preventing me from reacting or behaving appropriately in such situation
• people actually being jerks, unaware of their environment, living only for themselves in their own space
• people subconsciously seeing me as insignificant/ugly/dumb therefore deserving less esteem and consideration than other people

That's rough, because I try so hard to respect other people's boundaries, space and voice. But IDK, no matter what, people will find a way to remind me I don't belong to this world.

Have you ever had similar feelings? Were you able to overcome them? Is it a normal depressive or ASD symptom? WDYT?

I relate to this a lot. Often times I feel like I don't exist too in the way you described. I feel the world's indifference to my existence in my core, but at the same time I also feel like that's because of the things you mentioned (low self-esteem, being introverted, confirmation bias, etc). It's a logical explanation to the problems that I face too, and it's better than convincing myself of a nonexistent conspiracy or getting a persecution complex. I say that but I still always feel the same way regardless of what I believe the cause is. Knowing the cause didn't help me. And even worse, I tried selfhelp with cbt before and that didn't work for me so your post is quite relatable. I used to be committed to journaling too but it never solved anything haha

 

[dreamscape1111]

People feel how you feel. Change your assumptions and everything will change.
This is a problem of self-image. The world is your mirror.

We assume the world is material and non-mystical, and that all interior causes are illusory. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, that is the illusion, that my subjective beliefs/opinions/positions don't affect reality. They quite literally create it!

We act like the sort of person we conceive ourselves to be. Our nervous systems quite literally cannot tell the difference between an imagined experience and a 'real' experience. We always act, feel, and perform in accordance with what we imagine to be true about ourselves and our environment... Imagination (conscious mind) sets the goal 'picture' and our automatic mechanism (subconscious mind) works on it. We act, or fail to act, not because of 'will,' as is so commonly believed, but because of imagination. It all happens subconsciously for most of us, but we can change that by visualizing ourselves already living the desired situations.

In other words, you are the creator of your reality! Look at your life and everything in it, and ta-da, there you have a perfect reflection of your subconsciously held assumptions/beliefs/convictions. The good news is that you are in control of what you chose to believe about yourself. Enjoy!

Resources on this: Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, The Science of Success by Wallace Wattles, and Ask and It Is Given by Abraham Hicks

Practices: Meditation (helps with feeling comfortable within your own skin and be here now to get out of mind and into natural flow), Stretching/Yoga also changes your vibration to peace and flow, and Journaling about what your life purpose is or how you could creatively express yourself more authentically, because when you know your calling you'll become invincible and attract like-minded passionate people who're also on the path of self-actualization and living the Good Life.

Remember, whatever you experience frequently is just a reflection of your frequency.
If you don't like it, change the channel, implant new beliefs, and watch in wonder and amazement as your whole reality changes in accordance to your affirmation of whatever you imagine yourself to be. Because whatever you take yourself to be, you are.