do you believe your situation can never get better?

[a_dead_mess]

I'm back with what I consider a trivial question but I'd like to know your guys' opinion :)

I used to be very successful before having my breakdown a month and a half ago. I was close to getting a job and I was "living life to the fullest". things got bad and I started questioning everything around me. long story short, this questioning has led me to the conclusion that life is purposeless and our death means nothing more than our life. that thought is pretty scary because it makes me hesitate during every step I take towards recovery. I'm trying to get better but this thought annoys me on a whole different level that I wish I never reached to this conclusion. if I hadn't reached said conclusion, I think I might've been able to fight back and at least pretend that I'm happy.

 

[Sick of it all]

I don't see my situation getting better at all. Even if it did, In the end it doesn't matter because something else will pop up and bring me down. It's a constant struggle no matter what.

 

[jodes2]

I suppose things can keep improving, but I now have the ctb bug and suicide will still be the easy way out for me because recovery is effort. Even once I'm 'better' I will still hang onto ctb as a backup in case things go real bad again.

Sorry for your loss

 

[wljourney]

6 weeks isn't very long.
There is definitely hope that you will get out of this slump.
Not sure how old you are but it's not uncommon to go through a crisis a few times in your life.

What sucks is that our psyche needs a VERY long time to recover. Usually it does, but you may have to take precautions going forward to avoid falling down the rabbit hole again.

I can tell you that it's possible to have some meaningful years of life and success and enjoyment after a breakdown. It might need major changes. But it can absolutely work.

I had a career job. Broke down. Quit. Moved to a new continent. Complete overhaul. It was fun. It was exciting. I saw places I would have never seen otherwise.
10 years went well.
Then another breakdown and now I'm done. Had enough. Won't (can't) try again.

But yes, you probably have a few more amazing and exciting years ahead of you.
Best wishes

 

[emgrl]

No way is my situation getting any better with any medication, time, nor treatment. It's amazing how your life can change in almost an instant. I wish we all find the peace we deserve, no matter what that peace is.

 

[Topacio]

"Ignorance is bliss. The greater the knowledge, the greater the suffering."

The more we question things, the more we realize they are meaningless. You start to wander superficially without any motivation, lost in the fog, without fortune.

 

[a_dead_mess]

"Ignorance is bliss. The greater the knowledge, the greater the suffering."

The more we question things, the more we realize they are meaningless. You start to wander superficially without any motivation, lost in the fog, without fortune.

this is exactly how I'm feeling and I hate it so much. I thought indulging myself in things I used to like in the past would make me feel better but the questions still linger in my mind ...

6 weeks isn't very long.
There is definitely hope that you will get out of this slump.
Not sure how old you are but it's not uncommon to go through a crisis a few times in your life.

What sucks is that our psyche needs a VERY long time to recover. Usually it does, but you may have to take precautions going forward to avoid falling down the rabbit hole again.

I can tell you that it's possible to have some meaningful years of life and success and enjoyment after a breakdown. It might need major changes. But it can absolutely work.

I had a career job. Broke down. Quit. Moved to a new continent. Complete overhaul. It was fun. It was exciting. I saw places I would have never seen otherwise.
10 years went well.
Then another breakdown and now I'm done. Had enough. Won't (can't) try again.

But yes, you probably have a few more amazing and exciting years ahead of you.
Best wishes

I gave myself a one-month time to "get my shit together". if I don't and I'm still as miserable as I'm currently then SN is the way to go.
edit: thanks for the advice by the way

 

[lessonlearned]

im trying to make it better but it never will. so no i think im gonna be stuck in this hole till i ctb

 

[hungry_ghost]

Since coming to believe that this place is a simulation, I don't really feel all that bad anymore.

It's more so, "whatever happens, happens".

Nothing in this bitch is real.

We're just avatars plugged into this simulacrum, and our true selves are somewhere outside of this construct, jacked in.

I'm just trying to figure out how to use the simulacrum to my personal benefit.

 

[a_dead_mess]

Since coming to believe that this place is a simulation, I don't really feel all that bad anymore.

It's more so, "whatever happens, happens".

Nothing in this bitch is real.

We're just avatars plugged into this simulacrum, and our true selves are somewhere outside of this construct, jacked in.

I'm just trying to figure out how to use the simulacrum to my personal benefit.

interesting. not really a fan of a simulation theory but do you think someone is controlling this simulation?

 

[hungry_ghost]

interesting. not really a fan of a simulation theory but do you think someone is controlling this simulation?

I think so.

I don't know if it's another race of humans, or an AI "God" that went rogue, but someone or something is a benefactor of this place.

There seems to be a lot of effort being expended to ensure that we remain trapped here.

 

[Topacio]

interesting. not really a fan of a simulation theory but do you think someone is controlling this simulation?

If so, I think it should make the game more interesting. Well, I'm really fed up with it.

 

[Angel_01]

Not really, sometimes I try to think of things that would make me happy and the only things that come to mind aren't possible.

I hate everything about myself, I have no one around when I really need them and daily life is exhausting and monotonous.
The only reason I'm still around is because of fear.

 

[domedune]

I think my practical situation can get better, but one of the reasons I'm suicidal (and one of the reasons why I don't go through with killing myself, actually) is that the world is so disgusting. I can't be confident that'll change for a long time.

 

[gottablast888]

im not sure ill wait and see

 

[sapphoslastpoem]

Not for me at least, it's almost been a year after what happened to me and things keep getting worse. The people who hurt me are continuing to find more ways to fuck my life up and they will until I ctb

 

[annique]

no, i can only see things getting worse

 

[Jrmull1993]

this questioning has led me to the conclusion that life is purposeless

I have a lot of respect for this view, as that was my understanding of life for awhile. It's a long story, but I have since come to the personal conclusion that some people's lives are purposeless.

I have one best friend whom I met back when I used to hold this view, and I definitely see him as having a purpose in this world.

if I hadn't reached said conclusion, I think I might've been able to fight back and at least pretend that I'm happy.

Realizing that one's life is essentially meaningless, gives no purpose to recovery. I've come to the conclusion that I am one of those people who's presence in this world is to be nothing but a waste of space.

our death means nothing more than our life.

My sole intention in CTBing is to try and prove this wrong. As long as Im alive, I have no value, but I'm hoping that my death can bring my friend good fortune so that he can have a better life.

The depressing part is that I'll never know if I was able to make my death have more meaning than my life.

 

[a_dead_mess]

I have a lot of respect for this view, as that was my understanding of life for awhile. It's a long story, but I have since come to the personal conclusion that some people's lives are purposeless.

I have one best friend whom I met back when I used to hold this view, and I definitely see him as having a purpose in this world.

do you mind making a post or a reply to this comment stating your views? I really wanted to mention you in this post but I thought that'd come off as annoying.

 

[Death is my goal]

not at all, not that i care...

 

[wanttodie]

I don't see my situation getting better at all. so I have to end my life

 

[Mofreeko]

Nah. And I'm so done with this world and the people in it that I really wouldn't care if it did. I've seen how the world treats people like me. Even if I woke up tomorrow as someone with a perfect body and personality that made everyone want to be my friend I'm already so bitter at how I've been treated that I couldn't enjoy it. Fuck the world and fuck everyone in it. I quit.

 

[Euthanza]

No, not in this age (40s). However there's a chance for people in 20s and slightly becomes harder to change anything at all when you're in 30s, even if it's naive to hope so, at least your brain isn't fully developed, yet.

Just imagine if you have to start your career at 40 or didn't have any experience in related field. It surely easier if you're 25 and decide to apply an entry level to another company than for a 40 to apply manager position; especially when you already fucked up before, there's no longer such opportunity. The only thing you can do at 40 is to start your own biz which mostly (90%) will fail at the first couple of years.

 

[chloramine]

I believe any situation can and has the potential to get better. That does not mean it will. Logically I can see how my life might improve. Emotionally and mentally I doubt that's ever going to happen. I think it would take more from me than I have to give- barring sudden outside solutions. I also just. Don't really want to. I'm not against things getting better, but I do not have the energy to care. I'd rather just be done.

 

[obafgkm]

No, not in this age (40s). However there's a chance for people in 20s and slightly becomes harder to change anything at all when you're in 30s, even if it's naive to hope so, at least your brain isn't fully developed, yet.

Just imagine if you have to start your career at 40 or didn't have any experience in related field. It surely easier if you're 25 and decide to apply an entry level to another company than for a 40 to apply manager position; especially when you already fucked up before, there's no longer such opportunity. The only thing you can do at 40 is to start your own biz which mostly (90%) will fail at the first couple of years.

Yes, timing is very important. A generation or two, say 60 years, have been wasted on things like low fat diet, margarine, cornflakes, banning cannabis and psychedelics, very much because policy making has been dominated by big industries making junk foods and patent drugs. The only thing that has been free (as in freedom) is pornography, which is itself a branch of consumerism.

Many people who have worked diligently and successfully whole life only find themselves spending much their savings on treating cancer, obesity, sleep apnea, depression, anxiety, and other lifestyle diseases. Abiding by social rules and norms may secure one a decent mainstream social position. But is it meaningful after all?

 

[Euthanza]

Yes, timing is very important. A generation or two, say 60 years, have been wasted on things like low fat diet, margarine, cornflakes, banning cannabis and psychedelics, very much because policy making has been dominated by big industries making junk foods and patent drugs. The only thing that has been free (as in freedom) is pornography, which is itself a branch of consumerism.

Many people who have worked diligently and successfully whole life only find themselves spending much their savings on treating cancer, obesity, sleep apnea, depression, anxiety, and other lifestyle diseases. Abiding by social rules and norms may secure one a decent mainstream social position. But is it meaningful after all?

Exactly, I feel like the chance to be better than worse is 1:1000, there's only one way to be better and it's never gonna be easy while there were 1000 ways to get worse that will wipe it all in a blink of an eye. The reality can never be so good for ordinary person, even the best life any men can get requires cruelty and ignorance, which is meaningless at the end of everything.

Only the ultimate horizon of pleasant death can give the whole life a meaning.

 

[GettingOut]

There is no chance my situation is going to improve. There is no cure for my progressive illness and the narcissists that dig my grave and sap my life every day, won't change who they are. The only way out is serenity and peace.

 

[hamvil]

Not really, it is now more than two years since my life went down. I was quite successful in my previous dream job until it was taken away from me (due to an error of mine). The job covered many of the personality issues I have, now they are all back.

I am 43, I do not have the energies to start a new career from zero. I tried but I just cannot. I was given a simialr job in a foreign country but i could not manage to live there. I have now a silly job in my country. It is stable but I feel in a cage, no more travels around the world, no international environment, no way to express my creativity.

I know I will never be more than I was before. I am also unable to make friends or to build a relationship with a woman. I only knew how t do my job and that is not there anymore. I have nothing to do in this world and nothing to offer. I could easily get old in this new job but I feel everyday trapped in my own mind. I would really like a way out and I hope that this forum will help me build the courage to do it.

 

[obafgkm]

Yes

Exactly, I feel like the chance to be better than worse is 1:1000, there's only one way to be better and it's never gonna be easy while there were 1000 ways to get worse that will wipe it all in a blink of an eye. The reality can never be so good for ordinary person, even the best life any men can get requires cruelty and ignorance, which is meaningless at the end of everything.

Only the ultimate horizon of pleasant death can give the whole life a meaning.

"All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." ― Leo Tolstoy

It still applies today. It is an embedded feature of the current system: 1% or less of people are selected to gatekeep 99.99% of resources. They are the happy families, winners in school exams, competitions, office politics, back stabbing, ... They are all alike.

For the rest there are numerous ways to go wrong.

 

[Hangnail]

Mine can't to the degree I'd like. I had an eye surgery that disfigured me. I've been to so many doctors in South Korea and the US and they all said what they could do for me is limited because I was so messed up.