I think people all have different skills. It's just that sadly- we value some more highly than others. There certainly are exceptionally talented people out there, and exceptionally kind people. It's hard not to view that as more of a loss if they die than someone who has say- scammed and bullied people and made other's lives miserable.
That said- it largely depends on whether you see life as a gift. I'd say equally it was a curse. When I think- we didn't deserve this- I'm thinking negatively. Not in terms of- we're not worthy of it. Not in a shameful way anyhow. It was certainly a waste to have given me life- but- there we go. That's not my fault. I didn't choose to accept it. (As far as we know.) In fact- I resent being given it and then just expected to perform and succeed in life. I hate the expectation to feel worthwhile or feel guilty if you fail or, don't measure up. I do feel it but I hate it.
I don't want to CTB necessarily because I feel like a failure, unworthy of life. I want to CTB because I want to reject and escape the system that forces you to either comply or fail and feel guilty and/ or suffer more. I suppose that's the difference though- I think life can feel more like a punishment rather than a gift. Even people who work really hard and do everything right can fail, come down with some debhilitating illness, fall apart mentally.
I suspect a great proportion of people who fly high in terms of business are sociopaths. Not to say that's their fault. I guess it's a mental illness like any other. However- this world rewards ruthlessness. In my experience- companies love to employ one or two people who don't seem to be bothered by ethics. They will happily sack people, cut their pay, cut their leave, reduce their hours. Some even seem to enjoy it. Personally, I don't enjoy being part of a value system that highly rates those sorts of people.
So- I guess it depends on whether you are talking about our own personal percetion of worth- or, societies. In terms of personal feeling- yes, I think there are more people deserving of life and opportunities than me (the nicer elements in life.) I'm not sure how my death is going to help them though. I guess a handful will inherit a little bit of money.
Thing is though- unless you've actually gone out your way to hurt people- I doubt many will celebrate your death. I expect other people put more value on you than you do. Now and again, people will say their loved ones will be better off without them. I wonder if their loved ones would see it like that though. I think it's more likely they will just find the whole thing tragic. That they already knew that the person had no self worth despite how much they loved them.
Maybe it's an unfair statement but- most of the arrogant, unpleasant arseholes I have come across in life have been brimming with self worth. I think an excess of it can lead to things like narcissism. Again- it's maybe not a narcissist's fault they turn out the way they do but- they can leave chaos in their wake. They can severely damage other people's lives but on the surface- they can look to be highly successful and they will constantly remind people how worthy and special they are. It depends then on what attributes we all hold as being worthwhile.
Personally, I'd say kindness and respect for others are the most worthwhile attributes. If more people had those attributes, fewer people would suffer. This world doesn't really reward that though. In fact- overly kind and placid people tend to get exploited as a mug in my experience. So- it's also whether you're going to be able to utilise your gifts in this world- or, whether it would serve you better to repress them.
