Venting Do you avoid your friends?

[Forever Sleep]

I've largely become very isolated from friends and family. I speak to my Dad a couple of times a week and a uni friend texts quite regularly (quite often to moan.) Asides from that though, I've lost regular contact with everyone else.

Christmas tends to be the time when people get in touch- with newsy letters etc. and even worse- hopes that we might meet up in the new year. It's weird- I thought friendship was supposed to make you feel better but it's actually made me feel worse!

People either seem to assume that you're living some great, fulfilling life. (Better than theirs...) Or- for the ones that know that freelance work is a struggle, they become concerned and try suggesting really off the wall suggestions (that they wouldn't even follow themselves.) Of course- I realise none of it is them- it's all me. It's nice on the one hand that they care- but it's just an odd feeling really.

There's a big part of me now that doesn't want them to care. The person they care about isn't even here anymore. I do understand it when people think- to have anyone around you is 'lucky' and it surely means you are less lonely. I'm not so sure though. I think it can make you realise just how far gone you are. I'm kind of dreading these people making further contact now. (Although- they all have busy lives- it's quite possible they'll just forget about it...)

It's like- how do you get by? If you have to be around other people... Do you just pretend everything is fine? That seems easier in some ways. Still, I'm not very convincing at all that. It would actually be better if we didn't keep in touch. Easier on them I imagine if I do ever CTB.

Even weirder, a long lost relative apparently wants to get in touch. Plus, I need to find a new job this year- which could lead to more connections. I don't want to be bringing more people into my life if I am able to leave it soon. Not to say I expect people to be devastated if/when I go- I just don't think it's nice for anyone. I'd rather they didn't have to deal with it.

Honestly, within the next few weeks/months would be the most ideal time for me to CTB. I have enough money from my last job to tide me over for a little bit. It would mean I wouldn't have to face looking for a new job and ultimately hating it.

Still, I don't feel like I can do it to my Dad. I feel like he would actually be devastated. So- I'm just going to have to pretend I suppose. Pretend I'm halfway normal to get a job, pretend I'm just jogging along to friends and family- so they don't worry. How do you peeps do this? I suspect it's even worse for you- if you live with people- although I guess you're more practised at it... It must be exhausting though... Wish we could all just escape this shit show now.

 

[SamTam33]

I want nothing more than for everyone to stop contacting me. Like you said, the person they think they're reaching out to doesn't exist anymore.

It just occurred to me that I can ask them to leave me alone. I don't know why I never thought of that. None of them will insist on staying in contact. Especially if I say something like, "I don't enjoy chatting with you anymore" or "Please leave me alone."

It really is that simple.

I've been fretting about one in particular sending the police if he texts and I don't reply. I want to try SN but something keeps telling me I need to get rid of him first so he doesn't interfere in any way and I'm found.

I'm no longer in any condition to be a friend to anyone. I don't want to see Christmas pics with their spouse or vacation pics with their family. Don't recommend restaurants or movies to me. I have no intention of checking them out. Don't ask me what I'm doing for some future holiday because you're thinking about visiting. I'm hoping to be dead by then.

What's the point of dragging these people along for whatever is left of my life.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Distancing from them makes it slightly easier to CTB. I think at this point they gave up on me. Only one of them knows about my dysphoria, though.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Sort of. It's hard because my lifestyle doesn't conform to social convention so I can't relate and feel embarrassed. Questions people take for granted that I can't answer. Oh well, can't wait to leave soon (hopefully).

Fortunately, I have people IRL I have been able to confide in. This place serves important needs, but it's different to have someone IRL be aware of your intentions (and respect your agency, of course. That's the tricky part).

 

[HumansAreHell]

That's a very tough spot to be in for sure, it's one I've struggled with for a long time. My experience has been the same in the sense that my friendships always made me feel more lonely in the end. I've never actually fit in with my friends or family and have never been able to confide in any of them so I'm sure that doesn't help.

I also thought pretending would be the easiest method not only for me but for those close to me. After doing it for most of my life though I find it very exhausting. It's really hard to have to keep a front up of being okay around others. It doesn't help that suicidal people often have a lot less energy. So for me at least it's not a good solution, its way too draining to have to pretend. I think it's even harder since I have to live with others that I have to pretend around so I can never let my guard down, which only makes the entire cycle that much more draining. I guess I wish I realized earlier in life like SamTam that I could just be honest and tell people that I want to be left alone. Maybe it would have brought me a little bit of peace cause as of right now I'm definitely not getting by, every single day is a drag.

In some ways I feel like there is no real right answer but I hope you can find a solution that brings you some semblance of peace. I wish you the best of luck friend.

 

[Lost Magic]

Yeah, I really don't like socialising anymore and find talking to people difficult. I feel like I am being judged all the time.

 

[BurningMan]

This time of year is really hard for me. I think the people I thought were my friends aren't really all of what I made them out to be. I have noticed a total shift in attitudes in general.

I'm not a big texter or anything. But when I meet with people I try to find the time to get to hear what they have been up to in their life. Maybe that's not what people want in this day and age and they want constant checking in which maybe I have failed to adapt to.

I feel lonely a lot and wonder is it my fault that all my friendships have seemed to have distanced themselves with me? Or is it something else? It leaves me questioning myself and whether it's worth it at all to keep people in my life who are going to be temporary to begin with.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Friends are temporary. Once they get a SO, have kids or you no longer have anything in common, you drift apart.

 

[Unending]

I've lost/been estranged from even my long term friends all simply due to not reaching out. I'm essentially doing this "Life" thing in isolation for the time being. Even if I wanted friends I wouldn't be able to have any because of how horrible my brain can be in it's function. In my case, I just don't really have much of a "Reward system" going as far as I can tell.

Obviously any normal human stuff is hard when your brain doesn't give you happy chemicals for completing silly tasks but this pretty much rules out friendships for me. It also definitely rules friendships out even more that I become super emotionally unstable and depressive over the smallest and silliest things.

It's just easier in my case not to have irl friends at this point because it feels like too much struggle for little reward when things will probably not work out in the long run anyways.

 

[Rainy_days]

I did until I had no friends left. Now I just avoid everybody period.

 

[Life_and_Death]

my friend messaged to check in back on the 14th and i havent messaged back yet. i talk to the occasional person but im finding myself talking less and less. it depends on the context/how im feeling. not purposefully avoiding, just mentally exhausted and not up for it. but the same "go away" thought is there

 

[yive]

you don't need to avoid friends when you have zero

 

[Blue_mist]

Last night i deleted WhatsApp, google meet and my phone has been on airplane mode except wifi, i don't want to hear anything from them. Now I need to delete the dating apps because they are nothing but mental abuse.

 

[Un-]

Not intentionally. I don't like feeling alone. But I feel a sense of dread and tiredness whenever I see a message come in.. The process of having to think and be lively and.. So much thought into interacting with people.. So I avoid them sometimes.

It's not a good idea to, because I don't plan on dying soon, and they're all I have.

I wish I built up the necessary social skills that you do in childhood but I was so introverted.. Always alone, only socialised because teachers made me or I felt too embarrassed sitting by myself. And now it's destroying my life in more ways than one.

It'll end up with me living a life so below average, that regardless if I recover or not, my life won't be worth it.

 

[jessisme]

I have no friends.

 

[MideonNViscera]

Yeah, I lost a lot of friends over the years because of it. Eventually I stopped being able to make more. I still have a couple, but that's mainly only because text messages exist.

 

[Rob1984]

Bold of you to assume I have friends in the first place

 

[Brokensaddle]

I always say I have work overtime at my place of work at and there's plenty of overtime due to understaffing issues. Or I say I have to look after my sick cat or I say I have job interview I have to prepare for. I got more distant as hanging with people zips my energy. I try to avoid home in order to be use abused as possible. So I normally go for walks or I just sit and eat in the lunch room

 

[Seiko]

All the fucking time. We used to always kick it and have a great time over some weed back in high school. Now I can't even relate to them. I'm masking so hard around them; it's insane. I think there comes a time when you're so used to being alone—that's all you know. Assimilating back into a social life after the damage has already been done is difficult.

Whenever I'm around people, I always let the resting bitch face drop once I'm finally alone.

 

[choopla]

It hurts for me because I've had multiple people refer to me as their "best friend" but that's only because I put on a facade near them. I'm one of the goofiest and funniest people they've ever met, but it's a facade to distract from my more serious issues. I feel bad about being noncommunicative, but I just can't put on the mask anymore.

 

[Wannagonow]

Well, I have one friend. It's like pulling teeth to get them to communicate with me. That's not helpful. Makes me feel less than. So, I've begun avoiding them. Probably will backfire and end up just hurting me (as usual).

 

[tenebrousTruant]

Yeah, I definitely avoid friends. I think for me, what it boils down to is recognizing my cynical feelings toward existence (while generally delivered with an air of humor when voiced IRL) aren't the best for the mental health of those around me. I find it difficult to filter my thoughts and feelings when I interact with people, so it's better to just not talk at all rather than bring down the mood of everyone around me. Fortunately, I find a lot of peace in solitude and have a very low quota for social interaction, so it kind of all works out. I wish them the best in their lives; I just don't think I'm a good fit to be part of them.

That, and also crippling social anxiety that makes me hate myself over stupid shit like some dumb off-handed comments I made when I was eleven which nobody remembers but me. I usually end up regretting talking to people lol. It's way better simulating social interaction through my writing

 

[ReallyTired]

I wish I had friends.
But, it's hard, almost impossible to keep friends when severely depressed. I'm not able to work, I don't go out, I don't have hobbies, I don't do anything interesting anymore. On the top of that I'm getting old. Once you have nothing to offer, people start avoiding you. On the other hand, if you don't feel attached to anyone or anything, it will be much easier to ctb when the time's right.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Yes, I find it torturous to interact with people despite their kindness

 

[lonely_k1d]

i absolutely love my friends but you know i do ignore them sometimes. there's been many times when ive distanced myself from them for like a few weeks-months because i am sure im going to kill myself and i don't want them being sad. the longest time I've distanced myself from them is about 1 year and during that year i was confused on whether i wanted to kill myself or what. I didn't kill myself during that year because i didn't have enough money to buy things and my family's kind of poor.

 

[makethepainstop]

I've largely become very isolated from friends and family. I speak to my Dad a couple of times a week and a uni friend texts quite regularly (quite often to moan.) Asides from that though, I've lost regular contact with everyone else.

Christmas tends to be the time when people get in touch- with newsy letters etc. and even worse- hopes that we might meet up in the new year. It's weird- I thought friendship was supposed to make you feel better but it's actually made me feel worse!

People either seem to assume that you're living some great, fulfilling life. (Better than theirs...) Or- for the ones that know that freelance work is a struggle, they become concerned and try suggesting really off the wall suggestions (that they wouldn't even follow themselves.) Of course- I realise none of it is them- it's all me. It's nice on the one hand that they care- but it's just an odd feeling really.

There's a big part of me now that doesn't want them to care. The person they care about isn't even here anymore. I do understand it when people think- to have anyone around you is 'lucky' and it surely means you are less lonely. I'm not so sure though. I think it can make you realise just how far gone you are. I'm kind of dreading these people making further contact now. (Although- they all have busy lives- it's quite possible they'll just forget about it...)

It's like- how do you get by? If you have to be around other people... Do you just pretend everything is fine? That seems easier in some ways. Still, I'm not very convincing at all that. It would actually be better if we didn't keep in touch. Easier on them I imagine if I do ever CTB.

Even weirder, a long lost relative apparently wants to get in touch. Plus, I need to find a new job this year- which could lead to more connections. I don't want to be bringing more people into my life if I am able to leave it soon. Not to say I expect people to be devastated if/when I go- I just don't think it's nice for anyone. I'd rather they didn't have to deal with it.

Honestly, within the next few weeks/months would be the most ideal time for me to CTB. I have enough money from my last job to tide me over for a little bit. It would mean I wouldn't have to face looking for a new job and ultimately hating it.

Still, I don't feel like I can do it to my Dad. I feel like he would actually be devastated. So- I'm just going to have to pretend I suppose. Pretend I'm halfway normal to get a job, pretend I'm just jogging along to friends and family- so they don't worry. How do you peeps do this? I suspect it's even worse for you- if you live with people- although I guess you're more practised at it... It must be exhausting though... Wish we could all just escape this shit show now.

Hell, I wish I had some friends to avoid!

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't really have friends in the first place and that is certainly for the best. I would much rather avoid people and be alone, that's the way that I've always felt. I find people to be tiring.

 

[Shu]

I do yeah.
Plus I'm getting fat and smell like cum, ramen noodle seasoning, and cheap tobacco. I don't want anyone seeing my like this.

 

[V0id_He4rt]

What makes you think I ever had a friend lol

 

[lionetta12]

I've largely become very isolated from friends and family. I speak to my Dad a couple of times a week and a uni friend texts quite regularly (quite often to moan.) Asides from that though, I've lost regular contact with everyone else.

Christmas tends to be the time when people get in touch- with newsy letters etc. and even worse- hopes that we might meet up in the new year. It's weird- I thought friendship was supposed to make you feel better but it's actually made me feel worse!

People either seem to assume that you're living some great, fulfilling life. (Better than theirs...) Or- for the ones that know that freelance work is a struggle, they become concerned and try suggesting really off the wall suggestions (that they wouldn't even follow themselves.) Of course- I realise none of it is them- it's all me. It's nice on the one hand that they care- but it's just an odd feeling really.

There's a big part of me now that doesn't want them to care. The person they care about isn't even here anymore. I do understand it when people think- to have anyone around you is 'lucky' and it surely means you are less lonely. I'm not so sure though. I think it can make you realise just how far gone you are. I'm kind of dreading these people making further contact now. (Although- they all have busy lives- it's quite possible they'll just forget about it...)

It's like- how do you get by? If you have to be around other people... Do you just pretend everything is fine? That seems easier in some ways. Still, I'm not very convincing at all that. It would actually be better if we didn't keep in touch. Easier on them I imagine if I do ever CTB.

Even weirder, a long lost relative apparently wants to get in touch. Plus, I need to find a new job this year- which could lead to more connections. I don't want to be bringing more people into my life if I am able to leave it soon. Not to say I expect people to be devastated if/when I go- I just don't think it's nice for anyone. I'd rather they didn't have to deal with it.

Honestly, within the next few weeks/months would be the most ideal time for me to CTB. I have enough money from my last job to tide me over for a little bit. It would mean I wouldn't have to face looking for a new job and ultimately hating it.

Still, I don't feel like I can do it to my Dad. I feel like he would actually be devastated. So- I'm just going to have to pretend I suppose. Pretend I'm halfway normal to get a job, pretend I'm just jogging along to friends and family- so they don't worry. How do you peeps do this? I suspect it's even worse for you- if you live with people- although I guess you're more practised at it... It must be exhausting though... Wish we could all just escape this shit show now.

I don't typically ignore anyone but these 2 past weeks I've ignored most of my friends because I tried to isolate and withdraw before CTB.