Venting do you also ruin things for yourself?

[loslassen]

hello, I hope everyone is doing as well as one can be

I wanted to kinda vent but also offer some discussion space to people who can relate to what I will talk about.

do you also feel like you ruin things for yourself? wether it is you are having a nice time, making good decisions or seeking or consolidating comfort or coping methods, do you happen to have negative thoughts or feelings in the middle of it?

I have been doing sort of okay, I've come to terms with myself and the life i'm living, to an extent at least, because I don't live in desperation so much, I've found activities that make me happy, friendships, etc, but I feel like the fluctuations between being ecstatic in experiences that make me laugh and feel happy, to coming down to my reality some time after. So much and so often that recently when I'm in company I can't help but feel sad even in the middle of it, I can be laughing and joking and my face will show no less, but in my mind im imagining what will this person think or feel once I'm gone.

I am no psychologist, but I do have some knowledge on the logic that our brain will seek and choose stability over exposure, which can explain why when depressed, having lived a life of extreme fluctuations, abuse and etc, prefer to stay in our comfort zone, even if that means staying in the dumps because it simply feels normal and predictable. It is important to remember these things so we don't beat ourselves up for it, or fully believe like we can't change and allow ourselves to be happy once or twice. It is not your fault.

Each person's experience is different, and mine has been positive for a lot of the time and then not, I guess it's just part of living. I don't beat myself up for it, but I do feel sad about the fact that even having understood all of this I haven't found the way to deal with this part of myself fully, often circling back to the same place.

It's tough.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

Self sabotaging is a real thing. I've done it throughout my life but I don't realise I'm doing it, back then I didn't anyway.

Now I'm more aware of it, I try to stop it.

From what I've researched on it, it's a coping mechanism, and a way to survive. It usually stems from childhood, but I suppose not for everyone (in my case it is).

You are used to things going to shit in your life, so you do things to ensure it'll happen, because you don't know any different - but likely not aware of what you're doing until everything is fucked.

 

[iloveyouihateyou]

when i look back on life i have noticed that i have ruined alot of good things for myself.

in the moment i felt i was doing the right thing, i was only doing what felt natural but in hindsight if i could go back i would because i feel like life would've been completely different had i not screwed myself over at so many different points. thinking of how much i messed up makes me feel worse about myself so i try not to do it, but it really does sting to know your actions really can have lasting consequences.

it's always the worst to know you had something, something you actually wanted but you foolishly let it escape you, or even got rid of it yourself. it hurts so much to think about and i know i shouldn't beat myself up over it but man, it really fucking sucks

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Nope, life ruins things for me. I'm already ruined because I'm alive

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

when i look back on life i have noticed that i have ruined alot of good things for myself.

in the moment i felt i was doing the right thing, i was only doing what felt natural but in hindsight if i could go back i would because i feel like life would've been completely different had i not screwed myself over at so many different points. thinking of how much i messed up makes me feel worse about myself so i try not to do it, but it really does sting to know your actions really can have lasting consequences.

it's always the worst to know you had something, something you actually wanted but you foolishly let it escape you, or even got rid of it yourself. it hurts so much to think about and i know i shouldn't beat myself up over it but man, it really fucking sucks

I relate to this too, but beating yourself up isn't going to change anything, it'll just make you feel worse.

It's important to remember we are our own worst enemies and self sabotaging is a trauma response. Shit happened to you, so this is the result of it, so try not to be so hard on yourself. Don't worry - we all do it.

You can only do your best, and at that particular moment in time, you thought it was the right thing to do. Sometimes we can see things with Rose tinted glasses though, and we 'think' we fucked up, when the reality is, we didn't, it was the right thing to do, but it's just that right now things are shit, and sometimes looking back it appears things were better when they probably wasn't as much as you think they were.

Try to be kinder to yourself. You're human at the end of the day, and we all make crappy choices in life - it doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you human