Do you also get shit from people for being depressed?

[NotesFromTheShadow]

I have had a lot of people trying to help me with my depression and to a certain degree I'm grateful but it's also pissing me off because they all, at some point get mad at me for not doing better despite THEIR efforts. "I've done so much for you and you are still..."

As if all of a sudden I owe them doing ok because they're trying to help. And they just give me shit. As if I weren't giving myself enough shit yet.

Anyone relate?

 

[Plato'sCaveDweller]

I've experienced something similar to this, as well as a lot of derogatory language thrown my way. Like one time, I got particularly depressed and fell into a deep void for months, and I ceased contact with all my online buddies cause I just needed to be alone. And while most of my friends were totally accepting and understanding, one of them made it all about them saying shit like "don't do this to me. how do you think it makes me feel when you don't talk for months on end?" totally flipping the situation toward them, and not really giving a fuck about how I was feeling. Though, at the end of the day we are all selfish to some degree so it was really just my selfishness vs his. But still.

It's funny how society talks a lot about destigmatizing these issues, as well as suicidal thoughts, and then they go on and act the complete opposite. People say they want to help, but I feel that it's often just a form of virtue signaling. Like someone loses their job and they're gonna go homeless next month. You claim you want to help and you demand they keep fighting and pushing forward. Like what, are you gonna pay their bills? Their rent? Buy food for them? Buy gas/petrol for them? I'm sure there are people who genuinely do help in this way, if they have the means to, but most people are all talk no walk. And people are all for accepting mental illnesses, but they're quick to use it against you when it's convenient.

 

[-Link-]

Lack of understanding. Ignorance. Blindly going along with the stigma.

It's deeply ingrained in our society that everybody should be able to "deal with it themselves."

"I can do it, so why can't you?"

Only a select few people know about the depths of my depression, and this is why. Most people don't understand it, and I don't have the mental energy to go through the process of enlightening them (if that would even be possible at all, as people can be unreceptive to discussions that challenge their viewpoints).

So generally it's best I stay quiet about it and put on a smiling face instead.

 

[whywere]

One word: YES!!!!!

Humans in general still have such a difficult time when someone says ANYTHING about mental health. So, roll their eyes, some curl their lip and most just stand there with a blank look on their faces.

I will NEVER understand human nature.

"Do onto others as you would like them to do upon you"

We are ALL the same period.

Walter

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel more like my family never really took things seriously. They used to call me 'Eor' from 'Winnie the Pooh' for being such a pessimist. I used to have a real problem with binge eating and they'd also kind of take the mick out of that.

Now, I suppose I'm feeling a whole lot less tolerant of everything. If they happen to mention things now, I feel tempted to turn the tables and shame them- saying- you didn't ever consider that the first one could be depression and the second, an eating disorder? (I'd say it was definitely bordering an eating disorder.)

 

[ChildrensITV]

Yes. People act like my depression is:

• me, being ungrateful for their sympathetic ear, years ago: they don't want to hear about my problems or how I'm feeling anymore.
• me, indulging in my problems, moping, not wanting to try at life.
• my own fault for not making my life better.

So I have stopped tallking to people about how I feel. Last year, I spoke only with therapists about how I feel: people who won't judge me or hold things against me later.

Withdraw from people and be more secretive is the lesson I've learned. Fuck everyone. I hate this fucking world.

 

[aiki__0]

I have had a lot of people trying to help me with my depression and to a certain degree I'm grateful but it's also pissing me off because they all, at some point get mad at me for not doing better despite THEIR efforts. "I've done so much for you and you are still..."

As if all of a sudden I owe them doing ok because they're trying to help. And they just give me shit. As if I weren't giving myself enough shit yet.

Anyone relate?

My family looooves doing this to me. They hate the fact I have shit harder than them. My mother is also a mental health nurse and she has no empathy for people who attempts

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I've experienced something similar to this, as well as a lot of derogatory language thrown my way. Like one time, I got particularly depressed and fell into a deep void for months, and I ceased contact with all my online buddies cause I just needed to be alone. And while most of my friends were totally accepting and understanding, one of them made it all about them saying shit like "don't do this to me. how do you think it makes me feel when you don't talk for months on end?" totally flipping the situation toward them, and not really giving a fuck about how I was feeling. Though, at the end of the day we are all selfish to some degree so it was really just my selfishness vs his. But still.

It's funny how society talks a lot about destigmatizing these issues, as well as suicidal thoughts, and then they go on and act the complete opposite. People say they want to help, but I feel that it's often just a form of virtue signaling. Like someone loses their job and they're gonna go homeless next month. You claim you want to help and you demand they keep fighting and pushing forward. Like what, are you gonna pay their bills? Their rent? Buy food for them? Buy gas/petrol for them? I'm sure there are people who genuinely do help in this way, if they have the means to, but most people are all talk no walk. And people are all for accepting mental illnesses, but they're quick to use it against you when it's convenient.

A lot of people are unfortunately fair weather friends, will talk big talk about having your back or act like you are refusing some sort of help when they haven't actually done anything. They will be there in the good times, but dash away as soon as things get serious or inconvenient. They want to go to the pub, and laugh and drink, but are nowhere to be seen when you actually need support.

Some people want to have their cake and eat it too, like what happened with your online mates. I've heard others complain that a mutual friend was "bringing down the vibe" for being sad, but then also weren't happy when this person began isolating themselves. There's often a desire for a perfect person who doesn't experience such hardships, when reality is not often this way. Your friend probably doesn't realize that your withdrawal is also protecting them from witnessing/sharing your pain, and unfortunately I've seen similar situations so many times where if a person does open up to those around them, they get punished for it.

I've spent years trying to form bonds with people too only to realize very few have ever given a semblance of a care. A person I lived with for years didn't care that the rest of the lot were about be homeless, and when we had emergencies completely ignored us. Other people who put on sweet words and pretended to be bffs ditched me for more fun and exciting people. A great deal of my problems have been caused by having no stable place to live or good home environment in my adulthood and not a single person who claims to be my "friend" or put it on smooth has lifted a finger to help during this time. I remember laying in bed for an entire month after a traumatic surgery and no one even messaged me except one person. I asked someone I'd known for 5+ years if they could message me the morning of the operation so I would be less alone and they complained about it.

Then you also have people who think they know your life and your struggles better than you do, and that if you did xyz you'd just feel better. I've burned bridges with someone who was more understanding in other aspects simply because they wouldn't stop trying to control my life and put me in situations that make me deeply uncomfortable and unhappy, because this person thinks they know better than me about what I need or what would improve my mental state, when their suggestions made me feel worse and more isolated. No thanks. For several weeks now this person will just keep saying I'm refusing help, when this person's idea of what would be good for me is sleeping on the floor with their volatile alcoholic relatives who are all in insane debt and would demand money from me.

I get blamed constantly for things like being autistic and having PTSD, and it makes me wonder what the point of all this faux compassion is when so many people openly hate those who struggle if it isn't some temporary episode.

 

[Thisisme373]

My mother is also a mental health nurse and she has no empathy for people who attempts

Thats awful and disturbing

 

[Plentiful_Despair]

Yeah, I had to cut contact with so many people because of it.

 

[Little_Suzy]

If you ask for or accept help from others, they will expect feedback or progress. If you're asking people for favors, no feedback is necessary. Only a kind thank you. Perhaps you should limit the people you involve in your mental health treatment. Instead, protect those relationships.

I understand what you're saying because most people (family, friends, and partners) aren't mental health professionals and don't understand mental health issues. Aside from a few favors or intermittent assistance, they are not the best people to help us in the long run.

This is why I recommend that you seek professional treatment and resources. They are trained professionals who are paid to help you with your depression.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

Someone online decided to suddenly abandon me because they "didn't wanna invest any more mental resources, on a personal like me". Underlying and implying the sentence was directed at depressed people in general.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

I get shit for moaning about the world lol. I don't actually have anything against individual people, we're all human and fuck up. I believe most people are trying their best, I just hate the way the world is. I don't know why you can't just say that without being told there's people worse off or life's a gift. It's just toxic positivity, these people can't hear anything negative at all. And they're always talking about how humans will fix everything, like dude have you seen what we've done so far?!

 

[divinemistress87]

Ya the truth is nobody wants to hear how depressed you are or cares

 

[uniqueusername22]

yeah, from my mom mostly.

 

[Thisisme373]

Ya the truth is nobody wants to hear how depressed you are or cares

This. Humans are inherently selfish creatures. They don't give AF. Majority of people are repulsed by depression. It annoys them, they lack empathy. Majority of humans suck.

 

[divinemistress87]

This. Humans are inherently selfish creatures. They don't give AF. Majority of people are repulsed by depression. It annoys them, they lack empathy. Majority of humans suck.

yep and then they act confused when people ctb like why didnt they reach out for help