I've experienced something similar to this, as well as a lot of derogatory language thrown my way. Like one time, I got particularly depressed and fell into a deep void for months, and I ceased contact with all my online buddies cause I just needed to be alone. And while most of my friends were totally accepting and understanding, one of them made it all about them saying shit like "don't do this to me. how do you think it makes me feel when you don't talk for months on end?" totally flipping the situation toward them, and not really giving a fuck about how I was feeling. Though, at the end of the day we are all selfish to some degree so it was really just my selfishness vs his. But still.
It's funny how society talks a lot about destigmatizing these issues, as well as suicidal thoughts, and then they go on and act the complete opposite. People say they want to help, but I feel that it's often just a form of virtue signaling. Like someone loses their job and they're gonna go homeless next month. You claim you want to help and you demand they keep fighting and pushing forward. Like what, are you gonna pay their bills? Their rent? Buy food for them? Buy gas/petrol for them? I'm sure there are people who genuinely do help in this way, if they have the means to, but most people are all talk no walk. And people are all for accepting mental illnesses, but they're quick to use it against you when it's convenient.
A lot of people are unfortunately fair weather friends, will talk big talk about having your back or act like you are refusing some sort of help when they haven't actually done anything. They will be there in the good times, but dash away as soon as things get serious or inconvenient. They want to go to the pub, and laugh and drink, but are nowhere to be seen when you actually need support.
Some people want to have their cake and eat it too, like what happened with your online mates. I've heard others complain that a mutual friend was "bringing down the vibe" for being sad, but then also weren't happy when this person began isolating themselves. There's often a desire for a perfect person who doesn't experience such hardships, when reality is not often this way. Your friend probably doesn't realize that your withdrawal is also protecting them from witnessing/sharing your pain, and unfortunately I've seen similar situations so many times where if a person does open up to those around them, they get punished for it.
I've spent years trying to form bonds with people too only to realize very few have ever given a semblance of a care. A person I lived with for years didn't care that the rest of the lot were about be homeless, and when we had emergencies completely ignored us. Other people who put on sweet words and pretended to be bffs ditched me for more fun and exciting people. A great deal of my problems have been caused by having no stable place to live or good home environment in my adulthood and not a single person who claims to be my "friend" or put it on smooth has lifted a finger to help during this time. I remember laying in bed for an entire month after a traumatic surgery and no one even messaged me except one person. I asked someone I'd known for 5+ years if they could message me the morning of the operation so I would be less alone and they complained about it.
Then you also have people who think they know your life and your struggles better than you do, and that if you did xyz you'd just feel better. I've burned bridges with someone who was more understanding in other aspects simply because they wouldn't stop trying to control my life and put me in situations that make me deeply uncomfortable and unhappy, because this person thinks they know better than me about what I need or what would improve my mental state, when their suggestions made me feel worse and more isolated. No thanks. For several weeks now this person will just keep saying I'm refusing help, when this person's idea of what would be good for me is sleeping on the floor with their volatile alcoholic relatives who are all in insane debt and would demand money from me.
I get blamed constantly for things like being autistic and having PTSD, and it makes me wonder what the point of all this faux compassion is when so many people openly hate those who struggle if it isn't some temporary episode.
