Do we want to die because our body recognizes we have gotten what we needed out of this life experience?

[Ambivalent1]

And the more I push on, the harder it gets because I'm going beyond the boundaries of my completed video game and am walking through quick sand looking for achievements (experiences) that aren't available to me.

I want to work but ocd says no. Therapy and meds didn't work.
I want a relationship but I don't work and am poor.
My life has hit a wall. Trying to break through the wall only causes more pain and is pointless because my "game" is finished. Every "game" is different.

 

[Darkover]

i don't think anyone has ever got what they would want out of life since it's always a dream away, i think it's more likely that people kill themselfs because they didn't get what they would want out of life

 

[Sad Avocado]

well for me it's different since i never got what I wanted from life lmao

 

[Ambivalent1]

well for me it's different since i never got what I wanted from life lmao

It's not about getting what you want. It's about getting what you need. Maybe you suffered a lot and now you have depth and resilience. Achievement Unlocked

Normies live and die in the Practice level. No real hardship. No real achievements.

 

[SaltySuh]

No, I don't think it's because people have lived a full-life already. To me, I think a lot of my suicidal ideation comes from realizing the inevitable. That the world operates by the Law of the Jungle, life is suffering, there is no inherent meaning to life, my life has no inherent worth, and that the only one who can care or cares for me is myself. This sort of thinking combined with declining quality of life in my country and lack of opportunity for better things is what has led me to the conclusion that ending it is an acceptable option.

 

[Forever Sleep]

What do you think you've learnt? What do you suppose you were put on this earth to achieve?

It's gone through my head that if we are here through a God's will- then, we're supposed to learn or do something before we are 'released'. But then- I think- what benefit will there be to me living a few decades more? Am I really even going to bother pushing myself to achieve anything in that time? Just seems weird to me. Why then, does God make babies and children die? What could they have achieved in that time? Or- was that to teach the parents some sadistic lesson?

Nah- the more I think about there being some greater meaning behind all this, the more absurd it seems. I really don't think our lives are that important. I guess all any of us can hope to do is leave the world a better place than we found it. I have known people in my life who achieved that. I doubt I will though. I've been far too self centred.

 

[Ambivalent1]

.

What do you think you've learnt? What do you suppose you were put on this earth to achieve?

It's gone through my head that if we are here through a God's will- then, we're supposed to learn or do something before we are 'released'. But then- I think- what benefit will there be to me living a few decades more? Am I really even going to bother pushing myself to achieve anything in that time? Just seems weird to me. Why then, does God make babies and children die? What could they have achieved in that time? Or- was that to teach the parents some sadistic lesson?

Nah- the more I think about there being some greater meaning behind all this, the more absurd it seems. I really don't think our lives are that important. I guess all any of us can hope to do is leave the world a better place than we found it. I have known people in my life who achieved that. I doubt I will though. I've been far too self centred.

I've learned that peeling back all the layers of the onion leads literally nowhere and ultimately to absurdism and nihilism. "Question everything" basically leads to the subatomic level where up is down and left is right. There are no answers.

And I've learned that meaning comes from struggle. Why? I don't know.

 

[LonelyKitten]

.

I've learned that peeling back all the layers of the onion leads literally nowhere and ultimately to absurdism and nihilism. "Question everything" basically leads to the subatomic level where up is down and left is right. There are no answers.

And I've learned that meaning comes from struggle. Why? I don't know.

I feel like the more we question everything, the more we realize there are literally infinite truths that are all fit for anyone's unique perspective.
The current digital era and it's extreme level of freedom of information exhibits this really well.

I find that struggle is one of the few things that makes life feel alive, because - when we rest endlessly, we stagnate in the past (depression).
Even moreso, as the world has shown us, this actually has us lose things - youth, health, wealth, relationships (basically, inflation applies to everything: people get more and more busy in this faster and faster world, so there's less quality time to spend with those we love, and of course, money etc becomes more worthless, items we need or want become more expensive, health degrades over time, laws become more restrictive, etc.)

But when we get to struggle for something, we have that hope of actually achieving an improvement, some kind of specific gain or goal in our life (a friendship, a love, something material we need or want, etc.).
It can feel like we're affecting life directly, and there is nothing more satisfying than actually reaching that finish line, because then you really changed something that was real...
Of course, once the struggle is over, it goes back to stagnation, so it's time to find a new struggle, or else feeling alive ends again ... ?

 

[Lost Magic]

I think some people are just content with whatever they have in life and others are not (for unlimited reasons). When we are ready to go, we will most likely know when it is time.

 

[Ambivalent1]

I feel like the more we question everything, the more we realize there are literally infinite truths that are all fit for anyone's unique perspective.
The current digital era and it's extreme level of freedom of information exhibits this really well.

I find that struggle is one of the few things that makes life feel alive, because - when we rest endlessly, we stagnate in the past (depression).
Even moreso, as the world has shown us, this actually has us lose things - youth, health, wealth, relationships (basically, inflation applies to everything: people get more and more busy in this faster and faster world, so there's less quality time to spend with those we love, and of course, money etc becomes more worthless, items we need or want become more expensive, health degrades over time, laws become more restrictive, etc.)

But when we get to struggle for something, we have that hope of actually achieving an improvement, some kind of specific gain or goal in our life (a friendship, a love, something material we need or want, etc.).
It can feel like we're affecting life directly, and there is nothing more satisfying than actually reaching that finish line, because then you really changed something that was real...
Of course, once the struggle is over, it goes back to stagnation, so it's time to find a new struggle, or else feeling alive ends again ... ?

Why did you delete your post?
So cycle through struggle and completion or failure to achieve one's aims is the purpose of life?

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that I've never needed to exist as existence is completely unnecessary in the first place, I see nothing to be gained by existing, existence is just a tragic mistake to me and I should have stayed in the ideal state of non-existence. I wish to not exist as it's true relief and freedom from all suffering, I wish for peace from the existence I was unfortunately burdened with.

 

[Ambivalent1]

I know that I've never needed to exist as existence is completely unnecessary in the first place, I see nothing to be gained by existing, existence is just a tragic mistake to me and I should have stayed in the ideal state of non-existence. I wish to not exist as it's true relief and freedom from all suffering, I wish for peace from the existence I was unfortunately burdened with.

Do your parents know your true feelings? Do they know you hate them?

 

[FuneralCry]

Do your parents know your true feelings? Do they know you hate them?

I don't hate them exactly, I just hate how they gave me the ability to exist. And I would never be open about wanting to die, I always see such a thing as being a bad idea, there would be no benefit in doing such a thing and I don't desire to anyway.

 

[LonelyKitten]

Why did you delete your post?
So cycle through struggle and completion or failure to achieve one's aims is the purpose of life?

I was nervous that I may have been too ramble-y. I have trouble getting to the point.

Struggle is one way to feel alive, at least from my experience.
I think, we spend so much of our time just surviving and doing basics, and those don't bring us much or any joy if we're already suicidal or depressed (sheer maintenance is equal to loss over time as I explained in the other post).
Being alive is suffering, whether your life is "good" or "bad", as it takes so much time, energy and resources just to survive.

Feeling like the suffering is worth it to you, whether it actually is or not at the very end, can be a way to cope with it, a "purpose".
There's all kinds of those in society, leaving things behind better for others, doing something for family, religion, spiritual pursuit, education, employment, political cause, wealth, social relationships, community, etc.
It's fairly human nature to want to feel like you're a part of something, doing something "worthwhile".

Of course, when you're (rightfully) disillusioned with common goals, why care, right?
Myself, I stumbled into a situation where I got to have 2 very specific, personal goals I cared about to work towards (ones that, realistically, no one else gave a shit about), that kept me happy for a short period (like a little less than 4 out of 24 years.)
Considering I never wished to be born, and wanted to die/not be born since childhood, that was quite surprising.
I found it intoxicating to keep trying for my goals, cherishing both the failures and successes (as, so long as you keep making progress and still have a chance to succeed, you get to re-write the failures as "learning experiences").
It just felt genuine, cuz it was my own thing, not something prescribed onto me by society.
After failing too much and losing that chance however, I'm just back to wanting to die again - like my game's up, story's over. Gotten as far as I can.
Better pack up now instead of suffering through many more decades for nothing, right? Is that selfish? Maybe.
I guess we gotta be 'drunk' on something to *want* to keep suffering?

I just wish there was an easy way for those who have nothing to look forward to anymore to exit the game.
Slowly self-poisoning, a long, drawn out "slow" death feels like torture in everything but name.