Do those who don't live alone feel a huge need to ctb when homealone

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

When everyone's not at home except you. Do your ctb thoughts increase to the point you feel it's your time? It always happens to me.

 

[Green Destiny]

I'm kind of the opposite. When I'm alone and there's some peace and god damn quiet i'm way more relaxed and while the CTB thoughts linger, they're not as strong. I really wished I lived alone...

 

[Isadeth]

Yes, but I know I can never ctb at home. The thoughts are definitely there when nobody is around, but I have to remind myself that I need to do it where nobody can find me, so I don't traumatize anyone.

 

[Sideswipe]

Yes. I get an overwhelming urge to go ahead with it. Same if i'm out alone and find a quiet spot.

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

Yes

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

Depends on the day

 

[Intractabe]

I'm never alone in the house, but I'm always alone in my room. 8 of us live here and the odds of everyone else being out of the house ever, especially during the pandemic, are super low. I plan to CTB between 3 and 4am for the best chance of everyone else being asleep.

 

[lostangel]

I use the free time to practice partial and to enjoy the peace.

 

[I screwed up]

Yes but the problem is if there is always someone at home its difficult to ctb. So I wish I was alone , the urge to ctb would also help me overcome SI and I would ctb .

 

[BrokenBeing]

I would enjoy calmness rather than feeling to ctb but I'm never left alone

 

[rhiino]

Yes they do, and soon I will be alone forever, I will have no chance.

 

[TotallyIsolated]

I live alone. Loneliness makes the suicidal thoughts louder, certainly. Lockdown is hell.

 

[darkghost]

Yes

 

[Toobrokentofix]

Yes. I've been waiting for my children to go away With their father so I can disappear unnoticed and not get caught before I reach my final destination. I'm not going to do it in our home because I don't want them to find my body and I don't want the house to become a horrible place for them because of what happened here.

 

[TAW122]

Currently, in my living situation, there is almost always someone home except during workdays, but one of my parents occasionally takes extra days off just because they want to. Thus, I'm seldomly left alone at home for a long amount of time. If I am going to CTB in my current living situation, it would have to be night time, and when everyone is asleep.

 

[Sinai Silence]

Quite the opposite for me, I feel a lot more comfortable when I'm home alone. I won't be ctb from my house though.

 

[draw a circle]

Not necessarily increase, but it would make me think, "ah, now's the chance," even though I haven't got any solid plans yet. Last week I was home alone for a few days (except at night) and I was like, "this is it!" But I don't have the tools (ropes, in my case) and the chance is gone in a blink of an eye. I feel like if I were living alone while lockdown is happening I would definitely attempt something, anything, regardless of the success rate.

 

[Woodnote]

Yes, definitely..

 

[so tired or manic]

opposite for me. i've started taking my seasonal affective lamp out so I can stay up in solitude at night and not have that become part of the problem

 

[AbsoluteNothingness]

Definitely, absolutely. I mean i always have urges to ctb regardless of my parents being home or not but obviously i will never attempt at all when my parents are home, it's logical. But yes it increases even more when Im home alone because i think: "they're not here now. this is my opportunity, this is my chance. I have to do it now its now or never. I probably wont get more opportunities like this one again so i have to do it now yes or yes" i have that thought in my head everytime they go out without forcing me to go with them and Im alone, and the feeling of regret for not having done anything (attempt) is horrible, but i understand the risk of an impulsive and unprepared attempt so... And anyways i dont have anything reliable to CTB which sucks...

Fuck I wish i lived alone i envy those who live alone so much , they can ctb whenever they want and dont have to worry about someone interrupting them or getting caught/being rescued... And if they fail they can try/attempt again...
So many years would have to pass by for me to have own place to ctb without risks and worries.. (and dont have the eneegy, motivation,will ad all that crap to work although anyways ill be forced to and it hurts so much , have no choice but obey and keep hiding everything, keep pretending and faking... but still wont be alone in a place just me even if i work and i can't have anything of that delivered here thats for sure..so id happen the same again.., itd take so many years to have own house to ctb hell no what a nightmare ,I want to die ALREADY, not after a horrible and painful eternity...) But i keep wasting my oppprtunities because i dont have anything reliable to ctb with and it feels horrible. I just want to fucking die already and i cant wait anymore, im so on the edge. I doubt i can hold on for much longer im so exhausted and so weak... but well no matter how unbereable it is to haveto exist and live and do things and all that crap.even though I just dont want to and life doesnt interest me at all and wish i never had to do anything , i will have to continue with all this. I unfortuntately still exist, im still here so I have no other option that keep up and not be suspicous at all or else they'll suspect and unfortuntately take me to a psuchiatrist/psychologist... shit that thought is so scary...

To have no choice but to continue existing/living and all the crap i have to do (i dont want to do any fucking thing ffs...) for the sake of others because i cant ctb is so painful.. what if I just dont have any interest nor intention to live/do/experience life no matter how the fuck it is why am i forced into this thing just because i was born (without my consent!!!!!) I just will never understand.... I feel so helpless... To have to "build /do" my life and experience life in general to please others and not be sent to a psychiatrist because "to not want to live is a mental illness" ..... (I hate when people say that crap so much. I NEVER ASKED TO BE GIVEN A LIFE/BE BROUGHT INTO THIS DAMNED OBLIGATED TO DO PRISON CALLED LIFE!!!!! I NEVER ASKED TO EXIST AND BE THIS THING I AM!!!! I NEVER ASKED TO EXPERIENCE LIFE NOR BE PART OF IT!!!!!) even though i have no fucking desire nor interest at all for this and I just never will and all i want is just to die is absolutely horrible.
I fucking hate this obligated prison called life so much. Im so tired of having to suffer to make others happy. Life is something that just doesnt interest me and that I just donte care about and dont want regardless how it is. Im basically seveerely depressed and anxious because ie just dont want to live i just want to die and finally get rid of having to live/do/experience life and finally just be nothing but i cant get out of here and it sucks. It hurts. I cant stand it anymore...
I wish I could.leave this flesh of a prison called human body im trapped in and im forced to take care of against my will. I wish i was just nothing i hate so much that I exist i just dont want to belong here i just don't want to experience life/participate in life. fuck Im so tired...

 

[catscradle]

yeah. which makes quarantine very hard. my boyfriend works from home, and I work from home 4/5 days.

the last time I tried to CTB I tried but flaked out because he was going to be home in 20 minutes and I was scared of him finding me.

 

[Folie]

Definitely. I think about it more when it's just me here.