do real friends actually exist?

[ScorpiusDragon]

Serious question.
Most of my IRL friends were made out of convenience. We went to the same college and lived in the same dorm for 4 years. But most of them distanced themselves after I got hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. When I think about it, I realize I could never really talk to them about the real stuff going on in my life. Even though they said, "I'm here for you," they never really were. It's easy to be "friends" with someone when you are grabbing lunch with that person and casually chatting about your favorite movie; but the question is will that person really be there for you when you are in a difficult situation? For almost all my IRL friends, the answer was no.
I have a few super close online friends I love dearly, but knowing how long online friends tend to last, I get the feeling they'll fade away eventually, whether it's by one of our suicides or if we will just drift apart. Even though I get the feeling that my friendships with my online friends probably won't last, I'd still do anything for them because they were there for me far more often than my IRL friends.
Does anyone else here wonder if friendship is just an illusion? A comforting lie we try to tell ourselves to make us feel a little less alone in this world.
Ultimately, I feel it's those moments of genuine connection that remind me that there is still some beauty in an otherwise ugly world. Just those simple moments of talking to someone you care about and doing little things to make his/her life a little easier. If I could remain frozen in those moments forever, maybe I'd want to live. But those moments don't last, and I'm often left feeling more alone than ever before.

 

[Alchemist]

I can't say, everyone I've met has left me as soon as our common place goes away or I stop being useful to them.

 

[Donewitheverything]

As someone who has been betrayed and left behind numerous times, I've learned good friends exist few and far between. Most "friends", in my experience, will just abandon someone if they become "too depressing" and will claim to care once it's too late. Most people just care about their own self-interest rather than anyone else. Guess that's how humans are.

 

[Onomotopoeia]

I have had 2 friends, the first 2 decades of friendship and time and becoming adults, time, and even distance did not change that. We would still be friends, i'm sure of it. He died several years ago though, a hit and run.

The other was someone i met on a phone chat line when they were a thing, before the internet. We spent many years talking daily before we even met. Then we would plan our vacation together at least twice a year. We are not friends anymore life just got in the way. She is married with kids now. We would probably still be friends but I was straining her relationship with her husband so I stopped calling. Eventually so did she.

It can happen but life is hard. Friendship is hard. Not everyone is compatible at all stages of their life.

 

[TiredHorse]

I suppose I'm very fortunate: I just did a walk-through of my house/shop with my best friend, pointing out the important details that he'll need to explain to my family if/when I CTB. We spoke openly of my plans (we didn't discuss the gory details), and while he deeply regrets my decision, and fervently hopes I change my mind, he understands my rationale, accepts me as being rational in my decisions and actions, and only tried to coax me away from that choice in the mildest fashion. He has always been just a phone call away, but understands that conversations don't cure everything. In the past he has supplied me with shrooms for therapeutic use, and later kept my guns safe from confiscation when that possibility loomed. He even offered to be the one to find my body, if that would ease my mind. When we parted ways he embraced me and asked me to hold on as long as I can, just in case something changes for the better.

So yes: I can say unequivocally that real friends do exist.

 

[IronTusk]

Yeah but I pushed them away with my drug use :/ they were online friends that I met up with who weren't that far away. I miss them dearly. They were much closer then my primary school fiends in that I could discuss anything with them.

 

[Seagirl]

Serious question.
Most of my IRL friends were made out of convenience. We went to the same college and lived in the same dorm for 4 years. But most of them distanced themselves after I got hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. When I think about it, I realize I could never really talk to them about the real stuff going on in my life. Even though they said, "I'm here for you," they never really were. It's easy to be "friends" with someone when you are grabbing lunch with that person and casually chatting about your favorite movie; but the question is will that person really be there for you when you are in a difficult situation? For almost all my IRL friends, the answer was no.
I have a few super close online friends I love dearly, but knowing how long online friends tend to last, I get the feeling they'll fade away eventually, whether it's by one of our suicides or if we will just drift apart. Even though I get the feeling that my friendships with my online friends probably wouldn't last, I'd still do anything for them because they were there for me far more often than my IRL friends.
Does anyone else here wonder if friendship is just an illusion? A comforting lie we try to tell ourselves to make us feel a little less alone in this world.
Ultimately, I feel it's those moments of genuine connection that remind me that there is still some beauty in an otherwise ugly world. Just those simple moments of talking to someone you care about and doing little things to make his/her life a little easier. But the sad thing is those moments don't last. If I could remain frozen in those moments forever, maybe I'd want to live. But those moments don't last, and I'm often left feeling more alone than ever before.

I have on line friends on Twitter. We share a,love for animals & have little chats & are kind to each other if we lose our pets or are ill. In real life friends come & then go. If you are depressed they can't cope & will drift away. Im utterly useless & get walked all over as I'm too weak. I help people & they kick me down when they are up. It's happening to me once again now. Those that have & keep friends are clever & sucèssful. The rest of us just give.

 

[Vegrau]

No. People stay together because each of them have what they need from each other. Human relationship built solely on give and take. Nothing more and nothing less. Just look at ourselves. Do we stay with people we dont like? Do we stay with people we dont share any hobby or interest with? Do we stay with people we dont find enjoyable? There you have your answer.

 

[lululoo]

I suppose I'm very fortunate: I just did a walk-through of my house/shop with my best friend, pointing out the important details that he'll need to explain to my family if/when I CTB. We spoke openly of my plans (we didn't discuss the gory details), and while he deeply regrets my decision, and fervently hopes I change my mind, he understands my rationale, accepts me as being rational in my decisions and actions, and only tried to coax me away from that choice in the mildest fashion. He has always been just a phone call away, but understands that conversations don't cure everything. In the past he has supplied me with shrooms for therapeutic use, and later kept my guns safe from confiscation when that possibility loomed. He even offered to be the one to find my body, if that would ease my mind. When we parted ways he embraced me and asked me to hold on as long as I can, just in case something changes for the better.

So yes: I can say unequivocally that real friends do exist.

Wow, that's amazing. Is there something about your situation that makes him so accepting of your decision? It is it because you have physical issues (I think, unless I am confusing you with someone else)?

 

[TiredHorse]

Wow, that's amazing. Is there something about your situation that makes him so accepting of your decision? It is it because you have physical issues (I think, unless I am confusing you with someone else)?

No, I have no physical issues. My marriage of 24 years collapsed in thermonuclear spectacularity; I am emotionally shattered. My friend --whom I met at the beginning of said collapse-- just understands my misery and philosophically accepts that people have the right to end their lives in a manner and at a time of their own choosing. Which is doubly amazing because he may be the most optimistic, vivacious individual I have ever met.

 

[spanishguy22]

No, I have no physical issues. My marriage of 24 years collapsed in thermonuclear spectacularity; I am emotionally shattered. My friend --whom I met at the beginning of said collapse-- just understands my misery and philosophically accepts that people have the right to end their lives in a manner and at a time of their own choosing. Which is doubly amazing because he may be the most optimistic, vivacious individual I have ever met.

Were you not depressed before TiredHorse? sorry for the question, but afaik its really rare for grown adults to be clinically depressed without it showing in late teens/early twenties at the most, may well be wrong thoug

 

[TiredHorse]

Were you not depressed before TiredHorse? sorry for the question, but afaik its really rare for grown adults to be clinically depressed without it showing in late teens/early twenties at the most, may well be wrong thoug

True: my first (uneducated, doomed to failure) attempt to CTB was when I was 15, and I have lived with anxiety and depression my entire life. But that hardly counts as a physical issue, and as far as friends' awareness of depression go, most people I've known would have tried to "cheer me up" and dissuade me. My friend discussed things rationally, offered advice on how to approach a couple emotionally charged issues, and accepts that I am who I am, depression and all. A true friend.

And in the several hours since, the cops haven't appeared, so I'm reasonably confident in my assessment of him as a true friend! ;-)

 

[JoeFailure]

Serious question.
Most of my IRL friends were made out of convenience. We went to the same college and lived in the same dorm for 4 years. But most of them distanced themselves after I got hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. When I think about it, I realize I could never really talk to them about the real stuff going on in my life. Even though they said, "I'm here for you," they never really were. It's easy to be "friends" with someone when you are grabbing lunch with that person and casually chatting about your favorite movie; but the question is will that person really be there for you when you are in a difficult situation? For almost all my IRL friends, the answer was no.
I have a few super close online friends I love dearly, but knowing how long online friends tend to last, I get the feeling they'll fade away eventually, whether it's by one of our suicides or if we will just drift apart. Even though I get the feeling that my friendships with my online friends probably won't last, I'd still do anything for them because they were there for me far more often than my IRL friends.
Does anyone else here wonder if friendship is just an illusion? A comforting lie we try to tell ourselves to make us feel a little less alone in this world.
Ultimately, I feel it's those moments of genuine connection that remind me that there is still some beauty in an otherwise ugly world. Just those simple moments of talking to someone you care about and doing little things to make his/her life a little easier. If I could remain frozen in those moments forever, maybe I'd want to live. But those moments don't last, and I'm often left feeling more alone than ever before.

They do. It is probably tough to know which ones are the real, true friends that would stick around no matter what, but they do. I'm lucky enough to have 2 that I would truly say would be there no matter what. One of which is my best friend who is more than I could have ever asked for, we've been there for each other through thick and thin. I'm very happy that he turned out to be successful in life and has a great wife and a kid on the way that I'm the godfather of.

But it's a double-edged sword because I feel that much more guilty about suicide if I do it. I wish my financial circumstances didn't suck, I think I could've had a good life and been a great godfather to that kid.

Granted, all of this is without him knowing about my history of sexual abuse or money/career issues, I'm pretty solid at hiding all of that from family and friends. But I still do believe he would be there if he knew all of it. The problem is that's all anyone would be able to do is be a shoulder to cry on, it wouldn't fix anything or give me all those years back, so I'm not actually going to tell anyone.

So no, I don't think it's an illusion. I would also do anything to be there for my best friends as well, so I know that is a real thing. They are few and far between though, I do think quite a few of my other friends wouldn't be there through everything, so you do have to be careful about who you trust in that kind of way.

No. People stay together because each of them have what they need from each other. Human relationship built solely on give and take. Nothing more and nothing less. Just look at ourselves. Do we stay with people we dont like? Do we stay with people we dont share any hobby or interest with? Do we stay with people we dont find enjoyable? There you have your answer.

I would disagree, there is loyalty and love that come into play. That's probably how people become friends is they find each other enjoyable but it's possible for that bond to strengthen into one that feels like family. I can honestly say I would do whatever I possibly could for my best friend and he certainly has for me.

 

[Retched]

I'm not sure. I've been abandoned by a lot of people, but maybe that is just my perception of things.

 

[Mr2005]

Not here they don't

 

[Vegrau]

They do. It is probably tough to know which ones are the real, true friends that would stick around no matter what, but they do. I'm lucky enough to have 2 that I would truly say would be there no matter what. One of which is my best friend who is more than I could have ever asked for, we've been there for each other through thick and thin. I'm very happy that he turned out to be successful in life and has a great wife and a kid on the way that I'm the godfather of.

But it's a double-edged sword because I feel that much more guilty about suicide if I do it. I wish my financial circumstances didn't suck, I think I could've had a good life and been a great godfather to that kid.

Granted, all of this is without him knowing about my history of sexual abuse or money/career issues, I'm pretty solid at hiding all of that from family and friends. But I still do believe he would be there if he knew all of it. The problem is that's all anyone would be able to do is be a shoulder to cry on, it wouldn't fix anything or give me all those years back, so I'm not actually going to tell anyone.

So no, I don't think it's an illusion. I would also do anything to be there for my best friends as well, so I know that is a real thing. They are few and far between though, I do think quite a few of my other friends wouldn't be there through everything, so you do have to be careful about who you trust in that kind of way.


I would disagree, there is loyalty and love that come into play. That's probably how people become friends is they find each other enjoyable but it's possible for that bond to strengthen into one that feels like family. I can honestly say I would do whatever I possibly could for my best friend and he certainly has for me.

Sigh... Loyalty and love... About those things its depend solely on the individual. How far theyre willing to go with their principle and commitment. How far theyre willing suffer and so on. Still with me?

Good and then we have to realize love and loyalty came after the bond. Not before. You dont suddenly get loyal and love a total stranger. That is a fact. You seems to get it backward. Still with me?

Good and how do we make the bond? Well we first need to meet someone and get to know them. But how and why do that? By finding out if they share the same view, same hobbies, same interests, similar way of thinking, etc. We find similarities and we start bonding from there. Without similarities we dont make friends with them.

Just look out in the street ask yourself are you friends with everyone you see? And if youre not then why? You know the answer.

As for myself I can be loyal to a fault but can anyone show me the same loyalty? The answer is no. Never will. Thats a certainty. Huh to think I have another certainty as certain as death.

People dont love and be loyal to each other as long as they put their interest before you.

Not here they don't

Ahh succinctly said. Their fakeness and lies pissed me off. Wanting other to care but they dont know how to reciprocate at all. Never ask for something that you can never give. Do onto others what you want others to do onto you.

 

[AhG]

They can, it's just very rarely you come across them.

 

[pole]

Serious question.
Most of my IRL friends were made out of convenience. We went to the same college and lived in the same dorm for 4 years. But most of them distanced themselves after I got hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. When I think about it, I realize I could never really talk to them about the real stuff going on in my life. Even though they said, "I'm here for you," they never really were. It's easy to be "friends" with someone when you are grabbing lunch with that person and casually chatting about your favorite movie; but the question is will that person really be there for you when you are in a difficult situation? For almost all my IRL friends, the answer was no.
I have a few super close online friends I love dearly, but knowing how long online friends tend to last, I get the feeling they'll fade away eventually, whether it's by one of our suicides or if we will just drift apart. Even though I get the feeling that my friendships with my online friends probably won't last, I'd still do anything for them because they were there for me far more often than my IRL friends.
Does anyone else here wonder if friendship is just an illusion? A comforting lie we try to tell ourselves to make us feel a little less alone in this world.
Ultimately, I feel it's those moments of genuine connection that remind me that there is still some beauty in an otherwise ugly world. Just those simple moments of talking to someone you care about and doing little things to make his/her life a little easier. If I could remain frozen in those moments forever, maybe I'd want to live. But those moments don't last, and I'm often left feeling more alone than ever before.

To know if you have or dont have real friends is difficult. When you distance yourself from everyone, isolate yourself from everyone and just go missing from the world; the people who check up on you here and there or constantly, ask you how you are and how your doing are your real friends. They reach out when they dont have to, and if its constant, then they also care while acknowledging that something might be wrong. I think thats what a true friend is. Being there for you, willingly. And there are, im lucky to have several. But they seem rare to be honest, many people just dont care or reciprocate the same feelings and energy you have towards them with that same genuinity towards you, and those just arent real friends.

 

[Superfluous]

I'm very fortunate that I have 3 good friends that are all aware of my plans and have accepted my choice. They are all intelligent, logical people with similar world views to my own who accept me for who I am - which is a pedant with mild OCD who also suffers from mild depression (I do have good qualities also) - and this for me is the definition of a true friend.

In my experience, you don't come across many real friends in this world during your lifetime, so for me to have 3 for the last 10 years of my life is special, even more so considering the transient nature of where I live.

I do have one other good friend, but he can't accept my decision. One notable difference is that he's Australian and my other friends are all European (as am I). Whilst I know I shouldn't stereotype, I do think that this difference is relevant in my case.

 

[LaBrava]

Like a lot of men I suspect, the few friendships I've had have just been based on common interests/hobbies. I've never had friends who I've been able to confide in or get any emotional support from or talk honestly about life. Rather you just have to keep up a mask of things being okay or you're just a drag and get talked about behind your back. I cut all friends out a long time ago when depression got very deep - they weren't any help and maintaining friendships just expend energy I couldn't spare or be bothered with.

 

[15dec]

I'm pretty certain most, if not all of my friendships are out of convenience since we went to the same high school and/or college. One of them knows a lot about my current situation and hasn't left but I'm fairly certain we'll lose contact when we graduate anyway. Honestly I try not to get attached to people since I know most friendships (especially at my age) are superficial and based on having the same classes rather than any kind of genuine support.

Not to say all friendships are like that, but most people seem to distance themselves as soon as I go through rough patches. Maybe I overshare and make them feel depressed as well (probably, anyway) but it still sucks when someone swears they have your back and that they need you in their life, but suddenly turn their backs when you start going downhill.

 

[Halo13]

I believe most people are fair weather friends. They will only be there when it suits them, out of convenience or a motive. Even when I have been much more social, caring and kind to others, they leave the moment I need them. Typically to never return. God forbid if anyone took the time to stop whining about themselves to me constantly, they'd be shocked to find out my plans. In the end, I figure people will just gossip afterwards, discussing how they had no idea. Welp, would've known if they'd cared - not that it would stop me ;)

That said, there are very few friends that unconditionally care... but there are some. Would be nice to know one before the time comes.

 

[TAW122]

I ask the same question to myself many times in life. The resounding answer and most common conclusion that I arrived at are that there may be one or two of that said friend, but then circumstance and time will eventually cause me and said person to drift apart so to say. Outside of family, I don't think there is one or two people that really care about me. Or they can claim that they do, but I know it's bullshit and they are simply just virtue signaling.

 

[CuriousAboutThis]

Serious question.
Most of my IRL friends were made out of convenience. We went to the same college and lived in the same dorm for 4 years. But most of them distanced themselves after I got hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. When I think about it, I realize I could never really talk to them about the real stuff going on in my life. Even though they said, "I'm here for you," they never really were. It's easy to be "friends" with someone when you are grabbing lunch with that person and casually chatting about your favorite movie; but the question is will that person really be there for you when you are in a difficult situation? For almost all my IRL friends, the answer was no.
I have a few super close online friends I love dearly, but knowing how long online friends tend to last, I get the feeling they'll fade away eventually, whether it's by one of our suicides or if we will just drift apart. Even though I get the feeling that my friendships with my online friends probably won't last, I'd still do anything for them because they were there for me far more often than my IRL friends.
Does anyone else here wonder if friendship is just an illusion? A comforting lie we try to tell ourselves to make us feel a little less alone in this world.
Ultimately, I feel it's those moments of genuine connection that remind me that there is still some beauty in an otherwise ugly world. Just those simple moments of talking to someone you care about and doing little things to make his/her life a little easier. If I could remain frozen in those moments forever, maybe I'd want to live. But those moments don't last, and I'm often left feeling more alone than ever before.

For some reason this seems to speak to me very clearly as clear as day and night dagger to the heart type of thing I am fortunate to have family and friends but I know that my true past is really dark and most of the support network knows the truth but will claim it either all as a dream or delusional and or crazy of insane of lack of humanity I don't want to relive my past sins but I am too uncertain about my future the things I've done for which I don't want to relive but just wonder what will happen in the future not to self victimize myself I brought it upon myself self deserving and equal footing or worse than that depending on the state of mind but I don't think I know what'll happen in the future of my choices especially since I am one and they are many I am only one when I am one with them I just hope I came back correctly before the meeting. I think my family and friends are testing me or trying to protect me from myself like protecting me from the truth type of deal.

 

[soda_pressed]

I've realised that almost of my friends were out of convenience too. I've learnt the hard way that very few people genuinely care

 

[Deadgirl]

I once had a friend who lasted for about 7 years. We pretty much only met in school but most of the time I would arrange our hangouts. We listened to each other at times. I thought it would last a lifetime, but graduation happened. That's when I got exhausted putting so much work. She called me her best friend only when I admitted to trying to commit suicide. After about a year of graduation, we didn't talk. I was disappointed but realized I put in most of the work. In my "family friends" group i was always excluded and the odd one out. Never invited for anything. My parents say they are my friends but I really don't know what to call them. The interesting thing is as a result of isolation as a kid I made my own world and have more memories there than anywhere else. I feel friends are for some people not all. Definitely not for me.

 

[Onomotopoeia]

I feel friends are for some people not all. Definitely not for me.

Being mostly isolated myself these days I often wonder about this. No question I am a bit lonely but the thought of putting in so much work to get so little in return as seems to have happened to you and indeed i think happens a lot in general. Well i'm exhausted just thinking about it.

I have had friends, would like some again, but even if it were easier to meet people I wonder if i would really find it worth the effort.

 

[JadedGray]

Can't say, I wouldn't know. But I think that a true friend is rare and hard to come by. The type of friend that you can be completely open with and is like your other half. They will always be there in your time of need and loyal until the end. I'd rather have 1 friend like that than 100 acquaintances. A lot of times, friends like that meet and there is an instant spark between them and feeling of familiarity, similar to the experience of love at first sight. Those are the friendships that are worth cherishing.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

I believe they do but they are very, very rare. Most friendships are made just out of convenience and interests.

 

[NeCkDeEp]

They do but are they rare? Yes. Very rare.
There are a few people who know that I'm suicidal and 3 people keep checking on how I'm doing while other people ignore the fact that I'm suicidal and don't check on me anymore, haven't heard from them for weeks now.
Don't get me wrong: friendship needs to come from both sides and it's just atm too exhausting for me to invest any effort in friendships so probably my fault too.

The 3 friends who keep checking on me they're all so sweet and they all try their best to support me and to get me through this, I feel sorry for them that I stick to the decision of ctb tho.