Discussion Do people know about your plans? How do they cope with it?

[SHThrowAway213]

My husband knows about my plans but I don't care.
As a coping method he jokes about it and said don't try it today as there's a parcel coming today and he'll be mad that he'll have to go pick it up himself and that we won't get to open it tonight.
He uses dark humor as a form of coping.

 

[Moonicide]

No one knows except you guys. I've joked about dying, but it's all dark humor and people laugh along... If anyone seriously knew they'd call the cops and force me inpatient, which wouldn't do anything except prolong my suffering and once discharged I'd look for another method.

 

[Fragile]

i may throw around some suicidal jokes from time to time and some pro euthanasia random speaches when things get political.... but no, although they know that the thought lingers in my mind since i attempted at 17, i think that they believe that i'm recovering or something will come out of this life, if only...

maybe the way they cope is with denial about how much i'm suffering and how grim the future look for me. and i still pretend from time to time to show a smile, only while i wait for their lives to be a little better so my passing won't crush them as much.

 

[NitriteAnatomy]

Not counting those on this forum, yes. They've all laughed/shrugged it off, like it's a joke. So coping will be something they'll have to deal with, after the fact.

 

[justsuicidal]

My close friend/manager at work knows. We always joke about offing ourselves (like for example If our general manager is being extra bitchy we will be like "maybe if I kill myself she will be happy" or the other night his car wouldn't start and he was like "just gonna off myself") but last night I took it too far saying "I wish my Nembutal guy would email me back so I can off myself" and I guess he knew it was for lethal injections and started questioning me like "why does that sound truthful etc" and he could see right through my lies so I kinda indirectly confessed. He's sad that I'm thinking like this. He spoke to me for 3 hours that night outside his apartment in the middle of the night after work while his girlfriend was angry about him talking to me but he didn't care. He just wanted to help me. And I'm scared it's gonna fuck him up when I die because he told me it would. Saying he'd have to transfer stores etc that he couldn't imagine work without me, and he'd feel like he didn't do enough and blame himself. And then I said I shouldn't have told him and he said even if I didn't tell him, he would've blamed himself for not noticing how bad it was (he knew I used to be depressed and tried to do it before but he thought I was doing better and just had my occasional depressed days) but aside from y'all on here he's the only one who knows ): I feel bad I put that weight on him. He started crying that night which is crazy to me cause I didn't know he cared that much.

 

[Nem]

My roommate knows I am constantly thinking of dying, she tries to be supportive but I feel it's a lost cause, she tells me she will be devastated when I go and of course that makes me feel pretty guilty.
I do feel I need to be true to myself and is it fair to keep struggling so others won't feel sad when I go?

It gets to the point of an I living this life for myself or for others?
Peace/hugs

 

[Meant2Die]

Hell no , no one can ever know. In the past I've lightly alluded to dying with a joke while suffering from my illness saying something like "ahhh the pain so bad, just give me a gun". My mom would get so infuriated with me instantly each time and say "the people who are are going to kill themselves don't talk about it, they just do it". Well, she's going to get a surprise bc I've been really good at putting on the everything is ok act.

 

[Gettingtothepointjes]

My friend knows about me wanting too. We've spoke about it and like your husband I have really dark humour. I got badly badly abused by my mother when I was a child and years later found myself doing a childhood abuse topic at college. Not out of choice ofc. Anyway one of the questions came up on the whiteboard and it said, "how would you feel being a victim of abuse by your parents?" I just blurted out "SAME" and the girl next to me (who is now my friend) didn't know whether to laugh or be worried. I suppose our friendship happened there as she would then make some jokes for me and join in and then realised that's how I cope with it.
She knows I'll be gone someday, it's just a waiting game and we often talk about it and she says she couldn't imagine me not being here. But it will definitely happen.

 

[Bruceleelives1969]

my wife does not want me to CTB.

 

[purplemoon]

No one knows except you guys. I've joked about dying, but it's all dark humor and people laugh along... If anyone seriously knew they'd call the cops and force me inpatient, which wouldn't do anything except prolong my suffering and once discharged I'd look for another method.

i miss you sweet moonicide, hope wherever you are, that you are safe & happy.

 

[TAW122]

Never in a serious way, I could not risk getting intervention or being locked up against my will (losing my autonomy, freedom, having a record, hospital bills, and etc.). No one IRL really knows my real intentions. However, I have talked about my stance on euthanasia and legalizing the choice of ending one's suffering so I guess people could 'indirectly' sense that I'm leaning towards the side of pro-choice rather than pro-life. It's gonna some people a bit rattled, but nothing much more came from it (and that's slightly a relief...). It just sucks that I am unable to openly talk about it IRL without risk of such consequences, such as being institutionalized, locked up and treated against my will (involuntarily), and then billed and have a record of it. In a truly free society, we should be able to do so without fear of repercussions.

 

[Elekrel]

i never told anyone about my plans in person. i am the least likely person to be known to take my life. it is really down between me and my younger brother. we both are heavily into the whole suicidal intentions.
i only told people that i wanted to kill myself because i am depressed. i am not off my medicine (not by purpose, my doctor didnt refill them..). I often feel numb so am not spontaneous socially and struggle to keep up with what is happening as I am constantly thinking how I SHOULD be behaving to appear 'normal' to others. There are moments of feeling when something is particularly emotional but generally nothing.

i dont think any of my family would care if i disappeared.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

One of my sisters. She doesn't want to let me go, but will give me one chance to attempt as my pain is getting very bad. Will travel together for one last time soon before leaving at the end of the year. Other sisters think I'm not serious and did not want to spend my last year here with me.

 

[ctbUniquectb]

most people know i want out but not that I've got my ticket and am trying to figure out which day and where is abandoned enough that i won't awake in hospital

 

[xBrialesana]

i miss you sweet moonicide, hope wherever you are, that you are safe & happy.

I wish just thinking the same thing as I scrolled, I was going to comment. This one hit me so hard for some reason. But She's out of pain and misery and dancing in that moonlight. And I like to think that the wonderful members helped and cared so much, she must've appreciated that.

 

[AlreadyGone]

Nope. No one knows my plans and I plan on keeping it that way. There is nothing to gain by telling anyone and it will only increase my chances of failure.

 

[BabyYoda]

I haven't told anyone that I'm here and that I'll be writing my suicide plan in detail, with the playlist of songs, method, outfit to wear, etc. I don't think it is necessary to tell anyone because I might cancel it anytime within these few years.

 

[homebound]

I have always been very open about my suicidal ideations with some of my friends and they usually just make jokes about it, laughing like I'm not serious. I have confronted a few friends lately that I have been planning in depth my end and that I want to do it very soon, and they try to lay guilt trips on me. One of them told me that if I kill myself, he will follow me within a few days. I think they just do this to try and get me to stop, but I don't know.

 

[BPD Barbie]

My psychiatrist knows, my mother knows I'm suicidal but nothing else. My psychiatrist and me have an understanding and agreement not to section me unless I ask for it.

 

[purplemoon]

Absolutely not. I'm torn between saying I'm going to Europe, or just delaying emails or letters for a couple days later, but definitely not before.

whenever I do go, eventually I'm going to send out my Letter to the World to a few people, and probably some media, to try to help people not only understand why the suicide rates are going up in America, but just how to treat people in general all over the world, and my third reason is to condemn many for their cruelty.

Hope they enjoy demonic torture in hell, because that's where they're going to go in the afterlife For what they've put me through, and what they've also done to other innocent victims. It's not always just for me, I get just as upset when they are cruel to others. Unacceptable, unforgivable.

One of the other posters mentions their family saying people "who are serious" about it don't talk about it, etc. All of these theories about what they think is "logic", or the "way it works", etc. is sheer nonsense.

A previous ctb attempt years ago, I actually told a few people about it, they either didn't believe me or just didn't take it seriously, and I still went through with it.

I crushed 10 castor (ricin) beans inside a plastic bag with a hammer to grind them, and ingested them, and fell into a nearly 2 day coma, and woke up with yellow skin and had to get an entirely new bed and bed sheets, etc.
Supposedly that would ctb me, but of course, God found a way yet again to make sure i have to still "finish my job" in the physical realm being one of his witnesses and it's so completely exhausting to be here.

Anyway, My point is, one time I talked about ctb to a few people, then a different time I don't talk about it, it really doesn't make any difference.

People need to stop disbelieving others who to try to confide in them, and they need to stop applying their formulas or theories, and just LISTEN to people & BELIEVE them.

Sometimes in my mind it's just like really?!?
If I tell you that's what happened, that's what happened.
I don't understand why they Try to counter-argue, or they don't want to look at the reality you refer to, so they say "oh you're wrong", blah blah blah. (I just shake my head internally thinking, well, I tried to tell you, you're the idiot for not believing me.)

it's different with each person, I wish more people would understand you cannot just apply a Black & white formula to human beings.

 

[silent staring void]

My mother knows and she has implicitly "allowed" me to kill myself I think, she would probably ultimately accept it. The only other people I know are my father and brother. If my mother feels that way then they can't feel much differently.

 

[HannahB]

I've told many people. My best friend, my partner, even a old highschool teacher. The consensus seems to be they dont want to think about it. They pretend and hold out hope I wont because they know they cant stop me or deal with the thoughts that come with that. It's sad really.. most of the time they just cry.

 

[Kneel]

Nope, no one knows for sure but they would be stupid if they didn't think that it's a possibility.

One of my relatives has attempted suicide several times and my family's reaction was "she's just an attention w***e" so I assume I would get the same treatment were I to open up about my plans, or even snarky encouragements to go ahead and end myself.

 

[mcguim]

I've very lightly hinted to my partner about wanting to die, just to gauge his reaction, but he never took me seriously. He did get suspicious when I enquired about my life insurance policy (I stupidly asked how long I had had the policy as I wanted to make sure it was long enough that they would pay out in the event of my suicide) and he got a little bit freaked out, so I now know not to ever approach the subject again. He'd be much better off without me, though.

 

[140 bpm]

I've regretted that I told 2 my "friends " about that, the only things I've heard - jokes about go to therapist

 

[Sensei]

I've regretted that I told 2 my "friends " about that, the only things I've heard - jokes about go to therapist

I get astonished every time I read something along these lines in this forum. The life of a fellow human being is at stake, and people don't care. That's an incredible lack of basic human empathy.

 

[Heart of Ice]

No one knows but I'm a bit scared, because sometimes the topic of suicide has come up in conversations with friends and I fear that I sound like I know a bit too much... I haven't said or done anything that would arouse suspicion but I still worry a bit.

I feel like telling anyone is too high of a risk.

 

[Nemeshisu]

I don't think that anyone IRL "knows". But People that know me wouldn't probably be suprised too much if I CTB. My "friend" group practices dark humor often so we joked about suicide sometimes. Although, I don't think any of them took me seriously. I showed some signs of being depressed and not wanting to be here but maybe people really don't care about it at this point. I will be suprised by their stupidity if they really didn't notice it. Although, I spoke a lot about freedom, how modern man is slave, how existence is much of a burden...so people may just realize that they can't do anything to stop me or I would just hate them. I am glad that they are not doing anything to stop me whatever their reason might be.