Do others know how you are truly feeling? Or are you also putting on an act?

[kurisutinabestgirl]

Do others in your life know that you are planning ctb?

For me personally, it's interesting, I broke down back in summer to my mom, and she was worried for a while, but something snapped in me and I started to be annoyed by the extra attention, it felt like nothing was better but I as if I was also being watched now.
So somehow unconsciously, as I have all kinds of behavioural patterns stored in my head (that I observed from others, basically source for me to how to act), I started behaving happy, funny, well put together around them. They probably all think that I finally snapped out of that "sadness", but in reality, I am becoming worse and worse.
Maybe there's someone on here who is in a similar situation?

 

[reachingtheend]

I won't ever say anything related to ctb to my irl friends and/or family.
I'm happy outside and crying inside. Saying nothing about how sad am I.
Acting everyday like a stand-up comedian.
I'm talking about catching the bus only with my e-friend, but he's also kinda suicidal.
It's because suicide has such negative connotations, because it comes from bad things.
But does any lucky person want to kill himself?
Ctb is usually the culmination of our problems, pain and sorrow.
Committing it also requires destroying your body and possibly experiencing additional pain.
In my country everyone is told that suffering is good and ennobles.
Then they just think about how to make each other angry so that no one gets too good in their life.
Imho ctb shouldn't be considered in the category of a solution, but a decision to which everyone should be entitled.
If in life we don't have even such basic decisions as about ending this life, what is left for us?

 

[Brayu]

Do others in your life know that you are planning ctb?

For me personally, it's interesting, I broke down back in summer to my mom, and she was worried for a while, but something snapped in me and I started to be annoyed by the extra attention, it felt like nothing was better but I as if I was also being watched now.
So somehow unconsciously, as I have all kinds of behavioural patterns stored in my head (that I observed from others, basically source for me to how to act), I started behaving happy, funny, well put together around them. They probably all think that I finally snapped out of that "sadness", but in reality, I am becoming worse and worse.
Maybe there's someone on here who is in a similar situation?

When the thing gets too sharp (and it's been getting a lot lately) I let go of a spoiler or beg for attention... It makes a lot of people walk away because they're too busy and those who really care are suffering along with it (I don't want to continue because of that too ).

I never talk about suicidal plans (I once spoke about ideas, plans not)... I usually just ask for some mercy or I try to contextualize people of how much I'm suffering and struggling (I didn't want it to be something random).

I promised myself that I won't let off steam outside of the SS anymore, because either people get too worried or they get tired of me (for most, how much is my life worth? Is it worth listening to me every day?)

 

[chocolatebar]

I talk quite openly about it with almost everyone, but people usually just ignore or don't believe me

 

[reachingtheend]

I talk quite openly about it with almost everyone, but people usually just ignore or don't believe me

Bruh, "stop talking about it, that's too serious topic, it's not funny!" is the most common thing I've heard while I was talking with my friends about ctb few years ago.

 

[cooldude420]

I no talk it direct. buutt meny of my frens and fam know me struggl. they love me though. me fortunate. i jus wisch more peepls had that two

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

yeah everyone knows but i still have to put on an act so things don't get "awkward" gotta love it lol.

 

[Idontmatter]

My husband knew last month about my suicidal thoughts so I went into the physc ward. Of course none of the meds they gave me work so now I'm putting on an act so no one knows and I can get out of my husbands way. I'm actually excited to end my life. My husband is going to be so successful when he isn't having to worry about me being a mental case. I'm always ashamed of it so my decision is the best one.

 

[FuneralCry]

No, nobody knows and they never will. There is no point in telling people as they would not understand and accept my decision. They would expect me to suffer for decades as they are selfish. If others knew, it would make it difficult for me to actually ctb. I do not talk to people often but when I do of course I pretend in front of them. I am used to doing this as I have been suicidal for many years. Actually, I have never wanted to be alive in the first place.

 

[chicken-nugget]

I don't think even my therapist understands how I'm truly feeling.. it's frustrating :]

 

[Nati]

I'm 21 and my parents always knew the situation. They are the ones that drove me to all around to try to "fix" me when I was younger. I'm also very open with my mom and talked to her exactly how it is. But. It seems like no matter how open I am with them they'll never understand. Just yesterday my mom asked me if I'm interested in getting to know someone to date. Gotta admit.. that was a kick to the heart. She loves me and we have a good relationship but how clueless you need to be to ask you son that told you he constantly have suicide thoughts if he wants to date? Makes you understand how truly alone you are in this situation, no matter how much you try to be open with your loved ones. I done blame her. She just can't understand. No one can.
Everything is about how you look. If you don't cry in public all the time and threaten to kill yourself in-front of your family then you're just the guy in the family that "needs some time" and "will get around eventually".

 

[Scribble Fan]

I told my family and I get the feeling they truly have no clue how I'm feeling. It's like they don't even try to understand.

 

[TooLate2582]

Give me an Oscar.

 

[suisuiforum]

I'd be the last person everyone would expect to CTB, and I'd never dream of telling people irl about this when they wouldn't understand it anyway. Cue the campy pro-life rhetoric, the guilt-tripping over me staying alive for them, and further social alienation among other unwelcome consequences...