do my friends like me or just feel obligated to be my friends

[hyacinths]

i have a group of friends that i adore - truly. we spend a lot of time together hanging out and playing video games, as we're all online friends. ive known them all for almost a year now. i have really bad social anxiety and depression which makes it extremely difficult for me to make and keep friends, as well as even communicate properly with the friends i do have. while i love them all, i have a bad feeling that they all secretly just tolerate me and don't want to kick me out of the groups because they know i have depression and would feel guilty. but the rational part of me is like "oh why would they invite you to watch movies with them" or "why would they still keep playing games with me" but it's just such a nagging feeling in my heart. i have such a difficult time talking to them despite how much i care about them, and whenever i feel like i start feeling comfortable i get that same nagging feeling once again. it's getting harder for me to be able to suppress these feelings without saying anything, but i also don't really want to nag them about my dumb personal feelings.

we're all making plans to meet sometime this year and i got invited to come fly out to visit, but it's another feeling of obligation. i was the last person to say i could come due to money issues, but my friend sounded very unenthusiastic about me coming. i feel like they feel as if they needed to invite me, but it's their home i would rather them be comfortable and not take me if they don't want me to go. i just have so much doubt about everything and it's driving me fucking insane. i hate having social anxiety.

 

[Sherri]

If your friend keep being by your side then I personally believe they are true friends. Fake friends usually stop talking to you or make any effort to reply even to your texts For example. The fact that you making plans with them it's great. I'm happy you have true friends. I have only 5 close friends. Used to think i had many more on my clubbing days, but when I stopped going out to get wasted with them, they all disappeared. All the best to you.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

I often feel the same way a you do. I should say "felt" because in the last decade I've lost so many friends due to my distrust in human in general. Where this distrust comes from? I believe it's a blend of me disliking myself so much I don't trust anybody who claims to like me and as a consequence of many betrayals I've experienced which made me distrustful. I tend to avoid getting too close to net get hurt again. This is a double edged sword because at the very beginning of any potential relationship I've already closed the door and barred it shut. The only alternative is to be sort of naive out of principle and give people a chance no matter what. To shut off and not have any chances or to open up and be vulnerable, that is the question. And with the territory comes the feeling you are bothering them. I understand you completely. Feeling like a burden and not a part of someone's comfort is a very depressing feeling.
It's in the nature of most relationships to progress or dissolve over time but I advise you not to close the doors just yet. Let it progress on it's own. I've done so many premature cut-offs I regret part of them. Part of them I don't because they were bringing me down, either by bullying me or ignoring or both, but part of them should have survived and what happened is that because of my perceived flaws I couldn't see the forest from the trees.
Do what you feel it's best but don't alienate people without having a good reason to, one beside your own insecurities and feeling of not belonging.
On the other hand, and I've been in a similar situation very recently, if these feelings overwhelm you constantly when you spend time with them, then you might be intuitively telling yourself that what you feel is true and if hanging-out with them brings you nothing but regret or pain, then you ought to listen to your heart no matter the arguments or lack of them, and end the relationship. Just don't do anything hasty or you will regret it in the future. Alternatively, you might decline with an apology, take some time off and process your feelings to see how that makes you feel, if you miss your friends or feel better without them. Time may not heal all wounds, but it puts things into perspective.
However this goes, good luck and be well.

 

[Nevsky69]

True friends are seen when you have problems. For fun it is easy to have "friends". But when the difficulties and problems appear, a "cleaning" of agenda is usually produced, there are "friends" that disappear, or put all kinds of excuses .... The true friend will offer you all the support, will respect your decisions and state of mind (you do not necessarily have the desire and willing to do something at a given moment) and it will make you know that he will be always when you need him. Try to keep that kind of friends. Try to keep that kind of friends. It can be difficult when you feel bad. Good like.

 

[myopybyproxy]

I often feel the same way a you do. I should say "felt" because in the last decade I've lost so many friends due to my distrust in human in general. Where this distrust comes from? I believe it's a blend of me disliking myself so much I don't trust anybody who claims to like me and as a consequence of many betrayals I've experienced which made me distrustful. I tend to avoid getting too close to net get hurt again. This is a double edged sword because at the very beginning of any potential relationship I've already closed the door and barred it shut. The only alternative is to be sort of naive out of principle and give people a chance no matter what. To shut off and not have any chances or to open up and be vulnerable, that is the question. And with the territory comes the feeling you are bothering them. I understand you completely. Feeling like a burden and not a part of someone's comfort is a very depressing feeling.

this...yes

 

[OrcWitch]

It seems like the emotional part of your brain tells you one thing(I am unworthy being friends with, I am bad, I am annoying) and your rational mind tells you that it wouldn't make sense for people to keep you around if they didn't want to.

I don't know the remedy for all this, but your rational brain is completely right. People aren't selfless saints that keep people around they dislike out of pity. The fact that they keep doing activities with you shows that they want you there. If they didn't, they would do these things without you. It's probably your social anxiety and self-dislike that made it seem that this friend seemed disappointed you could make the flight.

But I don't know the remedy. I know how just being told the realistic answer isn't going to make your social anxiety go away. That sounds really hard on you.