Help Do I tell my friends?

[cultpup]

my friends knowing and giving a shit won't affect my decision to CTB, i'm more so wondering if it's worth keeping them in the loop. there is nothing left they can do for me but be with me and next to me for as long as possible, and in telling them i am not asking them to stay by my side, no one has time or energy that and i am not obligated that from anyone. i'd just be keeping them informed, because my close friends know near everything about me and my life and on goings. obviously it will hurt to hear, but given i am chronically suicidal this isn't new and they won't lose sleep over it.

i sometimes disappear from the internet for days, weeks, months, so i'd like them to know this time i'm not returning, and to call someone to retrieve my body once i'm radio silent for a little too long. i live alone and am never intruded upon, so my body will be rotting with cockroaches if it takes a bit too long to find me. it's not a massive barrier to CTB it just like, decency, y'know?

also, to clarify, even if my friends know or even report me to try to save me, neither they nor psych wards can stop me with my method of choice, so it isn't a worry of being involuntarily rescued. i think i feel worried that they'll emotionally detach from me or it'll make our friendships weird now and in the future, or even permanently damage it like has happened in the past after i had serious plans. the absolute worst that could happen is they contact my mother and force her to put me on her own personal suicide watch, but in that scenario it'd be easy to back off and say i won't really do it. i very rarely lie, especially to friends, so they'd take my word if i "promised to be safe"

regardless, would it hurt them more to not know about it now, then find out later? or know now, then watch it unfold until the end? or to be convinced it'll happen then it never actually does? how do i figure out who's worth telling? how much do i even tell them?

 

[PanaxMan]

my friends knowing and giving a shit won't affect my decision to CTB, i'm more so wondering if it's worth keeping them in the loop. there is nothing left they can do for me but be with me and next to me for as long as possible, and in telling them i am not asking them to stay by my side, no one has time or energy that and i am not obligated that from anyone. i'd just be keeping them informed, because my close friends know near everything about me and my life and on goings. obviously it will hurt to hear, but given i am chronically suicidal this isn't new and they won't lose sleep over it.

i sometimes disappear from the internet for days, weeks, months, so i'd like them to know this time i'm not returning, and to call someone to retrieve my body once i'm radio silent for a little too long. i live alone and am never intruded upon, so my body will be rotting with cockroaches if it takes a bit too long to find me. it's not a massive barrier to CTB it just like, decency, y'know?

also, to clarify, even if my friends know or even report me to try to save me, neither they nor psych wards can stop me with my method of choice, so it isn't a worry of being involuntarily rescued. i think i feel worried that they'll emotionally detach from me or it'll make our friendships weird now and in the future, or even permanently damage it like has happened in the past after i had serious plans. the absolute worst that could happen is they contact my mother and force her to put me on her own personal suicide watch, but in that scenario it'd be easy to back off and say i won't really do it. i very rarely lie, especially to friends, so they'd take my word if i "promised to be safe"

regardless, would it hurt them more to not know about it now, then find out later? or know now, then watch it unfold until the end? or to be convinced it'll happen then it never actually does? how do i figure out who's worth telling? how much do i even tell them?

I would say no, but I'm in the same situation right now with friends. If they are supportive and understanding, they you got really good friends. My friends just said if that your choice so be it. We still talk about it from time to time but have not talked to them much lately.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

If they are powerless to do anything, then it's pointless to tell them. Especially if you're really serious about CTB. It's just going to torment and/or annoy them. Just do it and let them find out through surprise. But if you are having second thoughts about following through with it, and there is even in ounce of you that thinks talking to them might help you out of it, then I would by all means talk to them about it.

 

[NocturnILL]

Wow, are you me??

IMO regardless it will hurt your friends. The ones that already know that love and care about you, are probably already hurt that you feel how you feel and can't save you. It's great and comforting that you're able to talk about with some and them willing to hear you out and support you. Ultimately it's up to you if you feel they deserve a "goodbye". If it will give you more peace to say your final words than do it. If your hesitant about it for maybe reasons of possibly making feel uncomfortable or weight than I'm sure they will know what you mean to them regardless. If you are second guessing it at anytime definitely reach out to them to help you through it especially if it'll help.

I struggle with decision myself. I don't want to disturb them and some know my thoughts about it but don't know when. I disappear a lot so that's no surprise but not coming back is something they aren't use to.

 

[PanaxMan]

Wow, are you me??

IMO regardless it will hurt your friends. The ones that already know that love and care about you, are probably already hurt that you feel how you feel and can't save you. It's great and comforting that you're able to talk about with some and them willing to hear you out and support you. Ultimately it's up to you if you feel they deserve a "goodbye". If it will give you more peace to say your final words than do it. If your hesitant about it for maybe reasons of possibly making feel uncomfortable or weight than I'm sure they will know what you mean to them regardless. If you are second guessing it at anytime definitely reach out to them to help you through it especially if it'll help.

I struggle with decision myself. I don't want to disturb them and some know my thoughts about it but don't know when. I disappear a lot so that's no surprise but not coming back is something they aren't use to.

I have the same situation now too. But they can't do anything really.

 

[NocturnILL]

I have the same situation now too. But they can't do anything really.

Im sorry I feel you, It's hard! We can only hope that it doesn't impact them permanently. I appreciate ALL of the effort and support but it's hard once your mind is made up. I don't know your situation but I hope in whatever you choose you have your peace you're looking for and your friends by your side