black.dahlia
Member
- Jul 9, 2023
- 56
basically the title. ive been feeling awful for the past 4 years, and ive always felt passively suicidal my entire life. so many bad things have happened to me that i just lost the will to live in general. im just too messed up to continue to live, but i also just dont want to get better if that makes any sense? i KNOW i can climb out of the hole im in, but i really dont want to anymore. ive spent so many years in therapy and on antidepressants and mood stabilizers and everything under the sun. im just tired of trying. all living would do is make me worse.
now that that venting paragraph is out the way, heres my actual question. im getting everything ready to ctb, but im stuck on a note. any type of explanation seems insufficient and stupid to want to die over. but its just so many things and so many reasons that i cant include every single one of them. i cant even identify the main ones, all i know is i have to kill myself. how do i put this in a note? do i have to leave one? i feel like writing a note that says "i just wanted to" doesnt explain anything and would just piss off everyone around me.
this is one of my last things i have to finish, i know i rambled but id love some input.
now that that venting paragraph is out the way, heres my actual question. im getting everything ready to ctb, but im stuck on a note. any type of explanation seems insufficient and stupid to want to die over. but its just so many things and so many reasons that i cant include every single one of them. i cant even identify the main ones, all i know is i have to kill myself. how do i put this in a note? do i have to leave one? i feel like writing a note that says "i just wanted to" doesnt explain anything and would just piss off everyone around me.
this is one of my last things i have to finish, i know i rambled but id love some input.