Help do i need an actual solid reason to kill myself?

[black.dahlia]

basically the title. ive been feeling awful for the past 4 years, and ive always felt passively suicidal my entire life. so many bad things have happened to me that i just lost the will to live in general. im just too messed up to continue to live, but i also just dont want to get better if that makes any sense? i KNOW i can climb out of the hole im in, but i really dont want to anymore. ive spent so many years in therapy and on antidepressants and mood stabilizers and everything under the sun. im just tired of trying. all living would do is make me worse.
now that that venting paragraph is out the way, heres my actual question. im getting everything ready to ctb, but im stuck on a note. any type of explanation seems insufficient and stupid to want to die over. but its just so many things and so many reasons that i cant include every single one of them. i cant even identify the main ones, all i know is i have to kill myself. how do i put this in a note? do i have to leave one? i feel like writing a note that says "i just wanted to" doesnt explain anything and would just piss off everyone around me.
this is one of my last things i have to finish, i know i rambled but id love some input.

 

[unabletocope]

no, you just follow what makes sense and go from there.

 

[dopaminedeath]

HOW TO WRITE A SUICIDE NOTE

From https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...r-familly-suferring-after-ctb-my-plan.164805/

 

[todiefor]

I'm sorry you are agonising over this question, I do constantly too so I totally get why you would. I think this is a very individual and philosophical question. I think everyone has the right to make their own decisions about ctb. Personally for myself do I think I need to have a solid reason? Yes I do, but that is a requirement I have for myself, and I think everyone needs to come to their own conclusions about this. For me personally there r also very specific reasons why I want to ctb, but for many that isn't the case, for many it is much harder to pinpoint something specific.

Personally having some good reasons was important for my ctb note yes, I felt the need to explain to the people that I would hurt the most, and do everything I can to lessen their pain and impact on their lives. A large section of my ctb note is devoted to absolving everyone's guilt, even though I personally privately think some of them are somewhat guilty and my ctb is very much due to neglect and betrayal by those that I trusted the most. However again that is a very personal choice, many also choose not to leave a note or leave a very simple note. I don't think there is an objectively right way to go about this, u just got to do what's right for you.

 

[Nikitatos]

You don't need a reason; however it's a lot easier to overcome SI when you truly have no hope.

 

[Forever Sleep]

In terms of a note, I've read articles on people who simply said that they didn't feel built for this world anymore. I think that's a good way of summing it up for a lot of people really. The reasons can be different but I imagine, we're all basically at this point because we practically can't, or can't see a way of making life tolerable for ourselves. I don't see why talking about feelings isn't enough. If you've been through therapy and drugs, that's surely enough to show people you were struggling and did try to pull yourself through for a time.

Honestly, I doubt many reasons would feel sufficient enough for a lot of people anyway. Asides from untreatable, chronic illness, I think some people view all other problems as solvable. So, maybe few of us will be able to leave an explanation that others will find justifies it.

Personally, I would still want to leave a note. Not so much to explain or justify it. I don't really think I should need to. I believe we own our own lives and have the right to do this. Still- more to say that no one could have helped. That I didn't tell them because I didn't want them to worry and ultimately try but fail to prevent me doing it. So- to try and prevent any possible guilt.

Also, to apologise. To say that I didn't want to cause anyone else pain. That I purposefully hung on for as long as I could for the sake of not upsetting others. (I've had ideation to varying degrees for 34 years.) But ultimately to try and put to them that it isn't exactly fair to expect someone to live a life they find intolerable purely for the sake of other people. (Unless they have dependents- in my view.) I'm probably going to ask them to try to feel relieved for me- if I pulled it off.

 

[rednights]

I think any reason is legitimate. Though I think anyone considering this should deeply weigh their decision to make sure it's right for them, the feelings themselves are always valid.

I've had difficulty with articulating my reasons myself, though I think I'm much better at it now than I was. I have similar thoughts, it was hard to describe "I just don't want to deal with things anymore" in a way that didn't sound lazy or silly.

You said you have been trying for a long time without results and are tired of struggling, and I think that is a good enough reason on its own. You could also generalize and just say there are a lot of other things that have all added up. Perhaps you can point to some broader categories like society or health and such. Sum up all the little things rather than list them individually.