oysa
Member
- Jul 22, 2023
- 12
like dude i was never abused or antyhing. I mean my mom kinda vaguely was really mean abt my piano and that prolly left some scars on me cuz we would be crying on the way back from every piano lesson, but like idk.
my dad isnt a bad guy, he would never intentionally hurt me, or anybody. BUt he doesn't understand his responsibilities as a father, and he does not believe in like gays/depression/suicide and it old him about my SH and he just said was stupid prolly cuz i was 11/12 then which i kinda get?? ut even now he's not concerned, even though the police showed up for a welfare check on our house cuz the fricking helpline lady snitched on me. I HATE HIM because he ruined my moms life. my mom is the most hardworking person I know. even though she was kinda slihgtly abusive, it was out of love, and the only reason she had parenting flaws is because she made the money, cooked and cleaned and parented so OBVIOUSLY she had to be lacking somewhere. FUCK YOU Dad
im like really socially inadept as well, but its not like im totally blind to social cues like the fucking nerds who dont shut the fuck up about why the scotch finger is stastically and scientifically the better biscuit. but like idk man, i just keep ending up in this suicidal place in my mind after a day, week, month or even almost a year. But like always, i just go back.
oh yeah and this year i swear i got an eating disorder!! i like fucking starve and then when i get home i lose constrol and binge in the evening and then i purge its so fucking unhealthy and i hate my body and i cant stop thinking about food and its so bad
everyday is just so excruciating, but i refuse to die without being hot and skinny
but i swear soemtiems i feel like im just fake. like idk if im actually suicidal. ive cut myself, and i definitely have eating problems but waht if i just really badly want attention? and concretely deciding when and how to die is kinda scary and surreal. Like yeah im a fatty but i really want to eat before i die yk food is so awesome. I've always thought of my life to be full of so many opportunites and cafes to go to, and the world was literally my oyster. Giving up on all of it doesn't make me really sad, just uneasy - like giving up on a great shopping bargain that is absolutely worth the price but you dont actually need 19191 tonnes of random shit.
my dad isnt a bad guy, he would never intentionally hurt me, or anybody. BUt he doesn't understand his responsibilities as a father, and he does not believe in like gays/depression/suicide and it old him about my SH and he just said was stupid prolly cuz i was 11/12 then which i kinda get?? ut even now he's not concerned, even though the police showed up for a welfare check on our house cuz the fricking helpline lady snitched on me. I HATE HIM because he ruined my moms life. my mom is the most hardworking person I know. even though she was kinda slihgtly abusive, it was out of love, and the only reason she had parenting flaws is because she made the money, cooked and cleaned and parented so OBVIOUSLY she had to be lacking somewhere. FUCK YOU Dad
im like really socially inadept as well, but its not like im totally blind to social cues like the fucking nerds who dont shut the fuck up about why the scotch finger is stastically and scientifically the better biscuit. but like idk man, i just keep ending up in this suicidal place in my mind after a day, week, month or even almost a year. But like always, i just go back.
oh yeah and this year i swear i got an eating disorder!! i like fucking starve and then when i get home i lose constrol and binge in the evening and then i purge its so fucking unhealthy and i hate my body and i cant stop thinking about food and its so bad
everyday is just so excruciating, but i refuse to die without being hot and skinny
but i swear soemtiems i feel like im just fake. like idk if im actually suicidal. ive cut myself, and i definitely have eating problems but waht if i just really badly want attention? and concretely deciding when and how to die is kinda scary and surreal. Like yeah im a fatty but i really want to eat before i die yk food is so awesome. I've always thought of my life to be full of so many opportunites and cafes to go to, and the world was literally my oyster. Giving up on all of it doesn't make me really sad, just uneasy - like giving up on a great shopping bargain that is absolutely worth the price but you dont actually need 19191 tonnes of random shit.
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