Do any of you feel like this

[Ashpac]

You're with family members or friends.

They have no idea what you have planned.

Yet when youre with them, you have flashbacks of everything like how you met, what you've been through and you think to yourself ''If only you knew whats gonna happen in the future''

They make plans in the future, totally blind to what you have planned (meaning CTB) they think youre gonna live forever basically.

Yet deep down, you know the truth, that youre going soon.

Thoughts please.

 

[Clover]

I'm trying not to make any future plans or commitments so when I'm with friends and they talk about doing something I reply with that sounds good or maybe.

 

[anna]

Yes, when I talk to a family member and they comment on the future in the short or long term, that is the thought I have "''If only you knew whats gonna happen in the future''...Although I know it will not be a surprise to them

 

[Ashpac]

Im glad im not the only one. Its driving me crazy.

 

[Tiburcio]

I'm with them acting as if I won't die... What a surprise they will receive

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

i never know what to do. Sometimes I wanna tell them what's coming and other times I'm like f you. I always feel a lot of guilt. Though when the day is there they won't be surprised I guess.

 

[Ashpac]

i never know what to do. Sometimes I wanna tell them what's coming and other times I'm like f you. I always feel a lot of guilt. Though when the day is there they won't be surprised I guess.

Can I say never feel guilt? If we are in pain, we have the right to end it. At least thats what I tell myself.

 

[Iwant2sleepforever]

If I CTB, my number one wish is that my friends and family understand that it was for the best, one of my main fears related to CTB is them not understanding that.

Edit - And I also would wish that they would understand that it wasn't their fault.

 

[bigj75]

true. For this reason I try not to have friends. Don't wanna burden/distract them with my death.

 

[Tiburcio]

Can I say never feel guilt? If we are in pain, we have the right to end it. At least thats what I tell myself.

Fuck guilt. Our rights are more important than other people choices.

I mean, they bring you here, then they MUST understand if you want to leave. It's a totally personal choice and she mustn't feel guilt for choosing this.

I know it hurts but it's important respecting such choice.

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

Can I say never feel guilt? If we are in pain, we have the right to end it. At least thats what I tell myself.

I comepletly agree. We have control over what happens and stuff but with me I know that there are people trying to help me. I don't want to disappoint them or something

 

[Ashpac]

Fuck guilt. Our rights are more important than other people choices.

I mean, they bring you here, then they MUST understand if you want to leave. It's a totally personal choice and she mustn't feel guilt for choosing this

Fucking legendary response! Fuck them all.

 

[bigj75]

Fucking legendary response! Fuck them all.

 

[Ashpac]

Im on facebook at the minute, and to be honest, i have more fun with people on this forum .... we fucking are awesome, dont let no one say any different

 

[RacilyDank]

Actually I've started feeling incredibly guilty when with family and friends.

I know it will effect them deeply, but it's not enough to stop me and I feel shitty about that.

 

[Iwant2sleepforever]

true. For this reason I try not to have friends. Don't wanna burden/distract them with my death.

Sometimes I wish I could isolate myself, but it's too late. I feel like I have to put on a happy face with my friends and family even when I'm very depressed. Not to say I don't appreciate them cause I do.

 

[Ashpac]

Actually I've started feeling incredibly guilty when with family and friends.

I know it will effect them deeply, but it's not enough to stop me and I feel shitty about that.

Fuck guilt bro, it will keep you trapped in this shit hole called earth.

 

[Tiburcio]

Im on facebook at the minute, and to be honest, i have more fun with people on this forum .... we fucking are awesome, dont let no one say any different

I agree to the fullest


I cant find people like here in real life

 

[Jaded]

Fuck guilt bro, it will keep you trapped in this shit hole called earth.

I want to think like this especially when it matters.
Prolonging my suffering in this brutal world has done nothing for me.

 

[Ashpac]

I agree to the fullest


I cant find people like here in real life

Im rocking Eminem at the minute and talking to you lot on here. Im fucking happy (fuck people on facebook)

I will miss all of you when I CTB

 

[Deadinside24]

If I CTB, my number one wish is that my friends and family understand that it was for the best, one of my main fears related to CTB is them not understanding that.

Edit - And I also would wish that they would understand that it wasn't their fault.

My thoughts and feelings exactly.

 

[ScaredOfLife]

I have isolated myself like crazy. I've been avoiding family. I have no friends. I quit using Facebook months ago. It's hard to focus on other people when the only thing on your mind is suicide. It's just hard to fake being normal. I don't have the energy for that.

 

[Ashpac]

I have isolated myself like crazy. I've been avoiding family. I have no friends. I quit using Facebook months ago. It's hard to focus on other people when the only thing on your mind is suicide. It's just hard to fake being normal. I don't have the energy for that.

I understand completely. Thats why when im with my mam or dad and his fiancee, i dont pretend anymore. Ive learned to stop faking it, because in the end, it only fucks you up more.

 

[RacilyDank]

Fuck guilt bro, it will keep you trapped in this shit hole called earth.

I can't help caring about the people in my life. Sometimes I wish I didn't.

 

[RacilyDank]

Im rocking Eminem at the minute and talking to you lot on here. Im fucking happy (fuck people on facebook)

I will miss all of you when I CTB

Being fucking happy listening to Eminem talking to us seems a bit at odds with being suicidal!

 

[Ashpac]

Being fucking happy listening to Eminem talking to us seems a bit at odds with being suicidal!

Its a false happyness. Whats your point?

 

[RacilyDank]

My thoughts and feelings exactly.

Same. It's a shame that 'survivors of suicide' always feel it was their fault

 

[Deadinside24]

Same. It's a shame that 'survivors of suicide' always feel it was their fault

True. In some cases it definitely was but in others there wasn't really anything they could have done differently. I read something somewhere that once a brain is bent on self termination, it sooner or later will make it happen. Obviously not every case but ever since it has become and option for me, it never was really off the table since.

 

[weedoge]

You're with family members or friends.

They have no idea what you have planned.

Yet when youre with them, you have flashbacks of everything like how you met, what you've been through and you think to yourself ''If only you knew whats gonna happen in the future''

They make plans in the future, totally blind to what you have planned (meaning CTB) they think youre gonna live forever basically.

Yet deep down, you know the truth, that youre going soon.

Thoughts please.

Yes I hate hearing my family talk about what's to happen in years to come, saying how "things are looking up" because they don't realise that people have their subjective experiences. Nobody has a clue how I'm feeling irl and it's bizarre to me. It is what it is, I'd love it if I were able to talk openly about suicide with family, when I was living between places and temporarily estranged from my family I did sort of tell random people. I went on a 12 week course and just told one guy I was going to kill myself. Told a social worker I'd never met too who started crying over it, made me feel weird.

I flash forward more than anything else, intensely imagining what damage I'll cause when I'm gone. Dying of guilt over something I haven't even done yet, it's wonderful.

 

[weedoge]

Being fucking happy listening to Eminem talking to us seems a bit at odds with being suicidal!

To be fair suicidality isn't exclusive to sadness.