Divorce

[Aliaiactaest]

Divorce... what's your experience? Either as a child of divorced parents or a spouse. Looking back, was it the right move or the wrong move or it's not obvious?

 

[bath salts]

It was the right move. My father is much happier now.

 

[komm susser todd]

My parents never married so it was never an issue for me. Truth be told the mundane issues of life like that have never been the focus of any of my own issues but i can see how it can be a problem for other people.

What i never understood however is the psychology of children with divorced/to be divorced parents. Why do the kids blame themselves for it? Never understood what drives some one to think its their fault

 

[cryptic_cynic]

My parents got divorced when I was 5. That seems young, but pretty much everyone I know who is around my age has divorced parents. (Nice work, Boomers!)
Anyway, I don't have a lot of memories of the divorce specifically, or how I felt at the time.
In retrospect, I understand why my mom wanted to divorce my dad, and I think it was the best choice overall; however there were unfortunate unforeseen consequences to it.
My parents were pretty civil with each other so there was no custody battle or anything, but my mom had sole custody of me and she ended up moving me across the country from my dad. As a result, I became much closer to my mom (it was just the two of us) and somewhat distant from my dad, especially as I became a teenager.
The shitty part is that my mom ended up dying rather abruptly and unexpectedly when I was 15, and since she was pretty much the only family I really had a good relationship with, I was pretty destroyed by that. The situation was the beginning of my life being a complete shit show.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents hadn't split up if I would have had a good enough relationship with my father to help me cope with my mom's death, and not spiral into all kinds of problems that continue to this day.

 

[Aliaiactaest]

cryptic_cynic, I don't know you and don't want to blow smoke up your ass, but I bet your father loved you and losing contact with you was one of the worst things that ever happened to him.

 

[lilyeehaw]

Parents got divorced when I was around 12, My mum suffered a lot, My dad was pure evil, He manipulated me and my sister a lot. Something I find hard is I can't remember clearly if I was sexually abused or not by my dad. I have faint memories of stuff happening, It scares me.

 

[bath salts]

Parents got divorced when I was around 12, My mum suffered a lot, My dad was pure evil, He manipulated me and my sister a lot. Something I find hard is I can't remember clearly if I was sexually abused or not by my dad. I have faint memories of stuff happening, It scares me.

Wow. I can relate quite a bit to this, sadly. I'm sorry this happened to you :( I also have suspicions my father or another male relative abused me... Again, very sorry you had to experience those things <3

 

[262653]

Right or wrong based on what? Apparently not my well-being at least because unborn babies don't have a say. It was their marriage, not mine. And in retrospect, they did what they had to do.

 

[TimeToDie]

My mother toyed with divorce in the mid-1980s, moving out for a few months. Eventually my parents decided to stay together, likely because my father really needed somebody to cook (badly) and my mother needed a (pathologically cheap) husband to provide an income & health insurance. I can't imagine that anybody else would have tolerated either one of them, so not like they could have gotten another partner. They were married for 54 years and there is an unconfirmed rumor that the first year may possibly have been happy.

I've never had to worry about divorce since I send women fleeing very early on. In 2017 a woman -- who I thought I was in love with -- moved 900 miles to take take up residence in my home. That lasted less than 2 weeks. This woman was disabled by social anxiety & depression (just like me!), having no ability to work, having no car, having no home, and having no money at all (she was $10,000 in debt). I offered her a relationship, understanding, a home, a car, a secure financial future and still she decided that I was so terrible that she walked out before I awoke leaving me to wonder what happened. She left with some of her clothes, laptop, phone and nothing else. I'm so horrible that fleeing quickly is necessary. Out of that I got a broken heart, a set of dishes, and assorted junk that still clutters my house.

If she had stayed, there still never could have been a future divorce since we could never have married. She had to remain destitute to qualify for SSI, thus needing to remain unmarried or marry a guy who's broke. Our plan had been to live like a married couple, just without the marriage certificate. And now that I'm closing in on death, her decision to leave is looking really stupid, as she could have won the jackpot as my beneficiary.

 

[Final Escape]

My parents got divorced when I was 5. That seems young, but pretty much everyone I know who is around my age has divorced parents. (Nice work, Boomers!)
Anyway, I don't have a lot of memories of the divorce specifically, or how I felt at the time.
In retrospect, I understand why my mom wanted to divorce my dad, and I think it was the best choice overall; however there were unfortunate unforeseen consequences to it.
My parents were pretty civil with each other so there was no custody battle or anything, but my mom had sole custody of me and she ended up moving me across the country from my dad. As a result, I became much closer to my mom (it was just the two of us) and somewhat distant from my dad, especially as I became a teenager.
The shitty part is that my mom ended up dying rather abruptly and unexpectedly when I was 15, and since she was pretty much the only family I really had a good relationship with, I was pretty destroyed by that. The situation was the beginning of my life being a complete shit show.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents hadn't split up if I would have had a good enough relationship with my father to help me cope with my mom's death, and not spiral into all kinds of problems that continue to this day.

Omg I'm sorry u went through that, what a nightmare.

My mother toyed with divorce in the mid-1980s, moving out for a few months. Eventually my parents decided to stay together, likely because my father really needed somebody to cook (badly) and my mother needed a (pathologically cheap) husband to provide an income & health insurance. I can't imagine that anybody else would have tolerated either one of them, so not like they could have gotten another partner. They were married for 54 years and there is an unconfirmed rumor that the first year may possibly have been happy.

I've never had to worry about divorce since I send women fleeing very early on. In 2017 a woman -- who I thought I was in love with -- moved 900 miles to take take up residence in my home. That lasted less than 2 weeks. This woman was disabled by social anxiety & depression (just like me!), having no ability to work, having no car, having no home, and having no money at all (she was $10,000 in debt). I offered her a relationship, understanding, a home, a car, a secure financial future and still she decided that I was so terrible that she walked out before I awoke leaving me to wonder what happened. She left with some of her clothes, laptop, phone and nothing else. I'm so horrible that fleeing quickly is necessary. Out of that I got a broken heart, a set of dishes, and assorted junk that still clutters my house.

If she had stayed, there still never could have been a future divorce since we could never have married. She had to remain destitute to qualify for SSI, thus needing to remain unmarried or marry a guy who's broke. Our plan had been to live like a married couple, just without the marriage certificate. And now that I'm closing in on death, her decision to leave is looking really stupid, as she could have won the jackpot as my beneficiary.

That's so heartbreaking

 

[Orin]

Right move. No sense in staying together if you two make each other miserable.