Dissociation

[Dizzylady80]

The pain is getting bad enough to where my body is using dissociation to deal with it. I look like I'm drugs but I'm sober. This was a huge reason that I was gonna kill myself before, there's no feeling in this state. Thisbis the first day it's happened so maybe it'll go away and stay away but I can't have this. Thing is I still feel the fukin pain I'm just not reacting to it much. It hurts a lot, it's very intense and constant

I know that when I was still feeling things the past few days even tho the pain was bad I didn't want to die exactly, I wanted to live and get better. I don't feel that right now, I don't really feel anything mentally. Physical sensations are dulled too. This has to leave. I can't go around like a zombie in pain, my whole reason for wanting to live is to feel the good things, experience all that good that's everywhere. Maybe it won't persist, this is the first that it's happened to this degree in a long time. I'm not gonna do anything impulsive, I don't feel impulsive at all. I don't even really feel sad. The only thing I really feel is pain, even this zombie state can't take that away. I know this is repetitive but I really cannot continue to live if all I'm experiencing is pain.

 

[Damnmybadb]

I'm ctb in 6 days, anything I should do before I go?

 

[houseofleaves]

I'm ctb in 6 days, anything I should do before I go?

Create your own thread, i think, don't ask in others' threads

 

[Damnmybadb]

Create your own thread, i think, don't ask in others' threads

How

 

[Wormfood]

I'm ctb in 6 days, anything I should do before I go?

Here are some options. You're free to not choose any of them and do what ever you want to do.
1. Chat with me about life, philosophy, your life story and other stuff. I promise I am a good listener. I'm also not here to tell you what to do. It's your life and I respect that.
2. Get a pen and 2 sheets of paper. For the first sheet write down all that you hate about yourself. For the second sheet write down all that you love about yourself. Burn the first sheet. If you can't find anything that you love write down what some quality that someone saw in you.
3. Plan a last meal. Make it delicious.
4. Watch a movie called Hero with Jet Li ( you'll see why)
5. Listen to following songs : on the nature of daylight by Mad Ritcher, the art of suicide by Emilie Autumn, All good things come to an end by Nelly Furtado and crawling by Linkin Park

 

[Dizzylady80]

I'm ctb in 6 days, anything I should do before I go?

I'm not really in a state where I can answer that appropriately, maybe you can ask the chat how to start your own thread

 

[hopelessdreams]

The pain is getting bad enough to where my body is using dissociation to deal with it. I look like I'm drugs but I'm sober. This was a huge reason that I was gonna kill myself before, there's no feeling in this state. Thisbis the first day it's happened so maybe it'll go away and stay away but I can't have this. Thing is I still feel the fukin pain I'm just not reacting to it much. It hurts a lot, it's very intense and constant

I know that when I was still feeling things the past few days even tho the pain was bad I didn't want to die exactly, I wanted to live and get better. I don't feel that right now, I don't really feel anything mentally. Physical sensations are dulled too. This has to leave. I can't go around like a zombie in pain, my whole reason for wanting to live is to feel the good things, experience all that good that's everywhere. Maybe it won't persist, this is the first that it's happened to this degree in a long time. I'm not gonna do anything impulsive, I don't feel impulsive at all. I don't even really feel sad. The only thing I really feel is pain, even this zombie state can't take that away. I know this is repetitive but I really cannot continue to live if all I'm experiencing is pain.

i completely relate to you. i've experienced that myself, and am in fact still in that state. it's like your body just shut your nervous system down, and apart from a few heart aches and shaky breaths you don't feel shit. it sucks. it builds up emotion for weeks and weeks, and then with the tiniest trigger, i break down. i either cry silent tears for a few minutes or start to see black because i'm so full of anger but can't do anything to let it out. the only advice i have is to journal. write your feelings down. don't think too much about it, just brain dump everything on paper. it will give your brain some breathing room and make you feel something hopefully.

 

[rationaltake]

How

I think you might need a few more posts before you can start your own thread.

I hope you find what you need on here.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so unbearable what you have to endure. To me, it is so horrifying how our bodies are capable of torturing us so much. It is such a cruel and unfair life and I'm sorry that you suffer so much. I wish you relief from pain.

 

[Dizzylady80]

i completely relate to you. i've experienced that myself, and am in fact still in that state. it's like your body just shut your nervous system down, and apart from a few heart aches and shaky breaths you don't feel shit. it sucks. it builds up emotion for weeks and weeks, and then with the tiniest trigger, i break down. i either cry silent tears for a few minutes or start to see black because i'm so full of anger but can't do anything to let it out. the only advice i have is to journal. write your feelings down. don't think too much about it, just brain dump everything on paper. it will give your brain some breathing room and make you feel something hopefully.

Thank you Very much for the advice, I'll try that. I really appreciate it. I've been slipping in and out today, currently trying to fight it off. Very thankful for the fact that it hasn't been constant today

 

[wljourney]

I am so very sorry. Disassociative episodes are brutal and I have had them in the middle of parking lots, standing frozen in front of the car, unable to move. Feeling like floating outside of my body.

Anyway, one fairly helpful tip I am now using: take a frozen water bottle or ice cubes and hold them really tight in your hand when you feel an episode come on.

The "shock" of the cold can help you to stay in the "here & now".
You won't be able to stop them all, but it may avoid going down the hole a few times.

 

[milkginger]

The pain is getting bad enough to where my body is using dissociation to deal with it. I look like I'm drugs but I'm sober. This was a huge reason that I was gonna kill myself before, there's no feeling in this state. Thisbis the first day it's happened so maybe it'll go away and stay away but I can't have this. Thing is I still feel the fukin pain I'm just not reacting to it much. It hurts a lot, it's very intense and constant

I know that when I was still feeling things the past few days even tho the pain was bad I didn't want to die exactly, I wanted to live and get better. I don't feel that right now, I don't really feel anything mentally. Physical sensations are dulled too. This has to leave. I can't go around like a zombie in pain, my whole reason for wanting to live is to feel the good things, experience all that good that's everywhere. Maybe it won't persist, this is the first that it's happened to this degree in a long time. I'm not gonna do anything impulsive, I don't feel impulsive at all. I don't even really feel sad. The only thing I really feel is pain, even this zombie state can't take that away. I know this is repetitive but I really cannot continue to live if all I'm experiencing is pain.

I hope you're okay! The ice idea is very good and can really help you!

 

[hopelessdreams]

Thank you Very much for the advice, I'll try that. I really appreciate it. I've been slipping in and out today, currently trying to fight it off. Very thankful for the fact that it hasn't been constant today

anytime! it's rough going through it, we just have to make the best of it. if you ever want to talk, feel free to message me <3