Discussion Disposing of body

[Captive_Mind515]

Hello,

I'm a new member here, so I don't know if this topic has been discussed before.

When I think about ctb, I always seem to have this strong desire to hide my body. And I'm not 100% sure what motivates this desire, but it is never the less a strong impulse.

I can only guess that I feel some shame at the act of suicide and that I hate the idea of people finding my messed up body. I also feel like it's cleaner and more efficient or something, and you are avoiding all the pointless cr*p with funerals and associated expenses etc…

Does anyone else ever feel this way when they think about death?

If I could build a tomb in some secret location, and have this as my final resting place… or maybe sink to the bottom of the ocean/deep lake… that would be my wish.

I'm a bit of a strange person I think. So it's possible that these are not common thoughts. I really don't know.

Anyway, I'm happy to have found this community to talk with other people and maybe gain some better understanding.

 

[figure8]

I can relate to that. I wish my body could just dissipate after I die. I don't want to burden my family with unnecessary expenses, but your body will have to be disposed of sooner or later, no matter how you die.
It's been a long while since I read Martin Manley's website, but if I recall correctly, he shot himself in his car, in the parking lot of a police station, and he made a call to the police right before committing. That's a good way to prevent an average civil from experiencing trauma after finding your body, but it's not like I have access to a gun or anything that would give me immediate death, so.

 

[Captive_Mind515]

I can relate to that. I wish my body could just dissipate after I die. I don't want to burden my family with unnecessary expenses, but your body will have to be disposed of sooner or later, no matter how you die.
It's been a long while since I read Martin Manley's website, but if I recall correctly, he shot himself in his car, in the parking lot of a police station, and he made a call to the police right before committing. That's a good way to prevent an average civil from experiencing trauma after finding your body, but it's not like I have access to a gun or anything that would give me immediate death, so.

Yeah, I remember reading his blog too.

He impressed me with how clear headed and rational he was with his planning. He put a lot of thought into everything, and I like to imagine him being very calm and peaceful with his decision.

Yeah, you risk prison time if you try getting a firearm illegally… which would obviously make most people's lives significantly worse than they already are.

The only thing that would worry me about his method, is what if you botch it up? You're alerting the authorities, who will show up within minutes and attempt to save your life… and you could end up being in vegetative state.

I think that is also partly why I like the idea of dying in a very private location. Less chance of someone trying to save your life or prevent your attempt.

Manley's blog is certainly a source of strength for me. He went out of this world in a confident and self assured manner, rather than in a state of panic, fear or self-pity etc… if you know what I mean?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I don't care what happens with my dead body which is nothing else but a cluster of atoms left behind it will decay naturally anyway.

 

[lachrymost]

Yeah, knowing that people would have to examine my body is disturbing to me. One last violation. Leave me alone! Just fire me up into ash!

I try and comfort myself with the thought that I'll be dead, so I won't care. But it's hard. I just want to disappear, but of course it would be difficult for my family to have closure that way. It's all so fucked up.

 

[figure8]

The only thing that would worry me about his method, is what if you botch it up? You're alerting the authorities, who will show up within minutes and attempt to save your life… and you could end up being in vegetative state.

There are resources on the Internet about how to shoot yourself fatally without risking entering a vegetative state. I remember looking it up on Google and a resourceful website popping up as the first one in the results, for some reason. Shooting yourself in the temple or under the chin is a big no-no. Basically, if you know what you're doing there's 99.9% chance you'll die. With proper research, I wouldn't worry about surviving.

Manley's blog is certainly a source of strength for me. He went out of this world in a confident and self assured manner, rather than in a state of panic, fear or self-pity etc… if you know what I mean?

I think me and him are very similar. I want to die, but before I die, I want to leave something behind. And I want to die as a person who accomplished something in their life, ideally before I turn 30. I wish my death to be peaceful, and I want to make the decision to die with a clear state of mind. It's hard to let go of self wallowing, and the mindset that death is a way to escape from the misery of living. This makes me a bit different from him, and I admire him for being so clear-headed about his death as well. But philosophically, we correlate.

 

[Captive_Mind515]

There are resources on the Internet about how to shoot yourself fatally without risking entering a vegetative state. I remember looking it up on Google and a resourceful website popping up as the first one in the results, for some reason. Shooting yourself in the temple or under the chin is a big no-no. Basically, if you know what you're doing there's 99.9% chance you'll die. With proper research, I wouldn't worry about surviving.

I think me and him are very similar. I want to die, but before I die, I want to leave something behind. And I want to die as a person who accomplished something in their life, ideally before I turn 30. I wish my death to be peaceful, and I want to make the decision to die with a clear state of mind. It's hard to let go of self wallowing, and the mindset that death is a way to escape from the misery of living. This makes me a bit different from him, and I admire him for being so clear-headed about his death as well. But philosophically, we correlate.

Yeah, pick the correct calibre bullets (hollowpoints etc) and aim for the brainstem - under the crown of your head etc. Hard to really know for sure if you're doing it right though and you only get one chance to do it right. I agree there is very little chance of survival if you do it correctly.

I guess no method is completely risk free though. Manley sent overnight letters and emails to his loved ones and rang the police. I think I would rather pick a very secluded place, where nobody is likely to find my body for a long time, and then send an overnight letter or delayed email to the local police. That way you remove that small percentage chance of them finding you quickly and getting you into an operating room. You'll obviously bleed out from the massive trauma to your head, even if you somehow aren't killed instantly.

I can identify with him wanting to die on his own terms with full control of everything etc. That part definitely resonates with me in a big way. I'm not really so much worried with my legacy, other than knowing that I wasn't a bad person and treated people and animals in a decent manner. If there is some greater purpose to this life, perhaps it might have some meaning to have contributed to society in some significant way. Unfortunately, with my problems, I don't really have scope to achieve anything worthwhile... I am limited to simply surviving day to day.

I wish you luck in leaving a positive legacy.

 

[OnceThougtTwiceDone]

Lot's of people here think that way, including me. I don't want to die but rather not exist and I think about how that would happen regularly, but that's unrealistic, so I also would want to die in an ocean or deep in the Amazon Rainforest or something like that. I guess a lot of people here have are mind-revolution people so you can't really tell if you are normal or not from the people here.

 

[dggtscccvfd]

I'm literally unconcerned with what happens to my dead body: it's someone else's problem to deal with disposal; I'll be long dead, so it won't matter to me.

 

[figure8]

If there is some greater purpose to this life, perhaps it might have some meaning to have contributed to society in some significant way.

Objetively, I believe there is no purpose to life at all. Whatever you decide to do in your lifetime, it will have no long term influence on the way the world works. The globe will keep on spinning without you. Most lives are insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Mine is no exception. But if I can influence someone, even if it's just one person, then I believe my life is still worth living. If I don't succeed in that, then I will at the very least die knowing that I lived my life trying. So that's the purpose I chose for myself. If you don't have the mental (or physical) capacity to do anything other than survive another day, it doesn't make you a less valuable person. I'm grateful that you chose to spend some of your energy on talking to me. I know how exhausting life can be.

I wish you luck in leaving a positive legacy.

Thank you, friend. Maybe it's not something you were aiming for, but you're one of the first people I had a more insightful conversation with on this site, and I'm going to remember you. To me, you already achieved something worthwhile.

 

[FuneralCry]

The way I see it, we all have to die somewhere, someday, death is the most normal thing and we are destined for nothing but to become a decaying corpse, people die everyday. And whatever happens after I'm gone could never be my concern as I will finally be free from the burden that is consciousness. But I would ideally wish to completely disappear and just be forgotten about, to me it's very much understandable wanting to die in a private location.

 

[Professor K]

this will not matter to you once you're dead, it will only be a burden for mortals, but i definitly understand your sentiment

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

same here i hate it and i want it to be covered in gasoline and ignited in some ditch or pit in the middle of a huge forest covered up and never to be found

 

[Captive_Mind515]

Objetively, I believe there is no purpose to life at all. Whatever you decide to do in your lifetime, it will have no long term influence on the way the world works. The globe will keep on spinning without you. Most lives are insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Mine is no exception. But if I can influence someone, even if it's just one person, then I believe my life is still worth living. If I don't succeed in that, then I will at the very least die knowing that I lived my life trying. So that's the purpose I chose for myself. If you don't have the mental (or physical) capacity to do anything other than survive another day, it doesn't make you a less valuable person. I'm grateful that you chose to spend some of your energy on talking to me. I know how exhausting life can be.

Thank you, friend. Maybe it's not something you were aiming for, but you're one of the first people I had a more insightful conversation with on this site, and I'm going to remember you. To me, you already achieved something worthwhile.

So out of curiosity then, why do you feel the need to influence people? If there is no purpose to any of this? (not that I'm looking to dissuade you or anything)

I sometimes think there could be some value in helping to spread more realism. Even if it does create a very stark sort of existence for many people, when they see this life/world through very clear eyes. I wonder what this world would look like if we stopped spreading lies and superstitions as a coping mechanism for things. Would it improve the world overall, or just create more depressed and suicidal people? I'm not really sure tbh...

Thank you. I appreciate the kind words.

The way I see it, we all have to die somewhere, someday, death is the most normal thing and we are destined for nothing but to become a decaying corpse, people die everyday. And whatever happens after I'm gone could never be my concern as I will finally be free from the burden that is consciousness. But I would ideally wish to completely disappear and just be forgotten about, to me it's very much understandable wanting to die in a private location.

Yes, I think perhaps I need to find a way to let go of these hangups. They are irrational in some respects.

Dying itself should really be about letting go of everything - I guess that should also include your physical body as you don't really own it anymore. It's hard to change one's nature and natural instincts.

 

[figure8]

So out of curiosity then, why do you feel the need to influence people? If there is no purpose to any of this? (not that I'm looking to dissuade you or anything)

There are three factors to this:
1. The thought is what helps me get through another day. Art is about indirectly interacting with whomever perceives it. To have this possibility to interact with people long after I'm gone... It's good; the purest thing I'm capable of wanting without letting emotions get in my way.
2. Actually, in a way, I've already succeeded at this. Not on a very wide-spread level, but I have.
3. Art is the most beautiful thing a human is capable of creating. It's comforting, knowing that I, as someone whose existence was built on generations upon generations of suffering (it's the case for every human), can make some use of all that existential dread, and redirect the energy into being creative.

I sometimes think there could be some value in helping to spread more realism. Even if it does create a very stark sort of existence for many people, when they see this life/world through very clear eyes. I wonder what this world would look like if we stopped spreading lies and superstitions as a coping mechanism for things. Would it improve the world overall, or just create more depressed and suicidal people? I'm not really sure tbh...

I don't think there could be value to that. People want to live in a lie, let them. Some don't have the ability to understand. Some don't care.
It's a very interesting thing to say. When people actively choose not to be realistic, it may lead to internal conflict and identity issues. Because what kind of person can you be in a world where you have to delude yourself on a daily basis?
When people are realistic, it eventually leads to understanding the mechanisms of the world, and seeing through how beyond messed up it is to the core.
The best possibility is not to look for answers to begin with. Living a simple, straightforward life. But is that really a 'possibility,' I don't know.

Take religions for example. The thing about them is that they're not very realistic, yet they help. They give you the answers to insoluble questions. They make you feel less lonely, and like your life has a bigger, transcendental purpose. I used to feel so inadequate because of my lack of faith. That's why that time when my old teacher wanted to revert me to Christianity, it was kind of ironic to me. I don't have much of an ability to delude myself, nor to let other people delude me (not trying to disregard people who believe in a Christian god. If they do, good for them. My skepticism doesn't let me think of it as anything other than being naïve).
If there were no such things as religions or other things to that require nothing but the sheer power of thought to make living bearable, I'd imagine it going many ways, none of which guarantees improvement of the world.

Dying itself should really be about letting go of everything - I guess that should also include your physical body as you don't really own it anymore. It's hard to change one's nature and natural instincts.

Yes. Luckily for me, I'm the only one who keeps me around. There are no external sources that I rely on in order to get through life. So I partly achieved that.
Natural instincts are really something I wish I didn't have. But without those instincts, we'd all be dead before we could realize. Also, I imagine it's powerful, getting over them and acting against them.

 

[Captive_Mind515]

There are three factors to this:
1. The thought is what helps me get through another day. Art is about indirectly interacting with whomever perceives it. To have this possibility to interact with people long after I'm gone... It's good; the purest thing I'm capable of wanting without letting emotions get in my way.
2. Actually, in a way, I've already succeeded at this. Not on a very wide-spread level, but I have.
3. Art is the most beautiful thing a human is capable of creating. It's comforting, knowing that I, as someone whose existence was built on generations upon generations of suffering (it's the case for every human), can make some use of all that existential dread, and redirect the energy into being creative.

I don't think there could be value to that. People want to live in a lie, let them. Some don't have the ability to understand. Some don't care.
It's a very interesting thing to say. When people actively choose not to be realistic, it may lead to internal conflict and identity issues. Because what kind of person can you be in a world where you have to delude yourself on a daily basis?
When people are realistic, it eventually leads to understanding the mechanisms of the world, and seeing through how beyond messed up it is to the core.
The best possibility is not to look for answers to begin with. Living a simple, straightforward life. But is that really a 'possibility,' I don't know.

Take religions for example. The thing about them is that they're not very realistic, yet they help. They give you the answers to insoluble questions. They make you feel less lonely, and like your life has a bigger, transcendental purpose. I used to feel so inadequate because of my lack of faith. That's why that time when my old teacher wanted to revert me to Christianity, it was kind of ironic to me. I don't have much of an ability to delude myself, nor to let other people delude me (not trying to disregard people who believe in a Christian god. If they do, good for them. My skepticism doesn't let me think of it as anything other than being naïve).
If there were no such things as religions or other things to that require nothing but the sheer power of thought to make living bearable, I'd imagine it going many ways, none of which guarantees improvement of the world.

Yes. Luckily for me, I'm the only one who keeps me around. There are no external sources that I rely on in order to get through life. So I partly achieved that.
Natural instincts are really something I wish I didn't have. But without those instincts, we'd all be dead before we could realize. Also, I imagine it's powerful, getting over them and acting against them.

Thanks for the reply.

It's and interesting perspective. Not sure I would agree with everything, but interesting non the less.

I'm not a creative/artistic person really. Unless you count fixing stuff of a mechanical nature etc and finding solutions to problems that sometimes require improvisation and inventing small workarounds to things. I can understand wanting to create something that you can leave behind, that has some sort of lasting ability to lift people's spirits or give them some sort of beautiful distraction from the stark reality of existence. That's how I view art anyway - but I'm no sort of expert on the topic.

Yes, there is no real prospect of completely getting rid of stuff like religion etc. But I would like to see it's proliferation reduced and it's influence greatly diminished... because so many people have been forced to live in a world shaped and controlled by these practices and superstitions.

It's interesting when we think about natural instincts, many people exclude things that are not positive and wholesome practices. Look at this forum, we could make a strong argument that thoughts of ending one's life could be classified as a natural instinct for a certain portion of society. But the pro-lifers will tell you that wanting to die is going against your natural instincts, even though we know that death is perfectly natural and in fact our environment (and even our own bodies) can often be actively trying to kill us! Avoiding danger and suffering is a natural instinct, but yet when you're dead you can end all danger/pain and suffering permanently... so if you understand this, then an intelligent natural instinct could be to choose the permanent solution rather than choosing a less effective temporary avoidance strategy.