Disposable bbq

[GirlBye]

Hey guys, this is my first time posting, i don't know how well everyone else is coping at the moment but i have not been doing very well. Here's a little about me, I'm 27, live in the UK, always suffered with depression since I was a teenager, but i have only recently been diagnosed and put on antidepressants, i didn't realise how much they really alter you, like i actually feel semi happy at the moment but i know its not real. Anyway, despite me only just joining here I've done a lot of research on how i want to ctb, i have tried and failed with full and partial suspension and a failed overdose, so right now the easiest, calmest method seems to be using a bbq, i have my car, and i just went and bought my bbq, i only got one because its a large one, but i also have a small one that i may use as well. Do you guys think it'd be worth using both just to be safe?
so I'm hoping tonight is it for me, I'm going to post as I'm going about how I'm feeling, so hopefully you guys will be able to benefit from my experience a bit. I hope everyone finds their way.
Talk later :)

 

[Otter]

I can't really give advice on your method as I've only done a small amount of research on this particular method. I just wanted to pop in and say hi and welcome to SS! I hope you find your way as well

 

[Apathy79]

Sounds like the antidepressants are doing something, no? Sure you don't want to give them a chance?

 

[GirlBye]

Hey :) lovely to 'meet' you haha,my favourite animal is an otter :D! How are you doing?

Sounds like the antidepressants are doing something, no? Sure you don't want to give them a chance?

Yeah they are doing something, but its only gonna be like that while I'm taking them, once I stop I'll be right back to where i started and I'm so done with going in circles of fighting to be happy, then to be okay for a month or two and end up right back where i started. Its exhausting.
When i went to hospital after my overdose the paramedic said, you want to stop doing this now before it becomes a cycle, because shes seen people who are depressed that just keep trying and failing for years, like regulars, i don't want to try and fail and become one of those people. I just want it to be over.

 

[Otter]

Hey :) lovely to 'meet' you haha,my favourite animal is an otter :D! How are you doing?

My favorite, too. I'm okay. ... just struggling to survive on a daily basis. I have tried many antidepressants and none did anything for me. so six months ago I finally quit them all , not cold turkey though. I do okay when there's no stress in my life but the minute anyting gets hard, I just want to bail. Been depressed as far back as I remember, as well. It sounds like the antidepressants may be working for you, though, so maybe you can hang in there... Again, welcome and I hope you enjoy your stay. Best wishes!

 

[peabs]

Hey, your story sounds very very similar to mine -- I tried partial suspension and failed and am now taking zoloft after a hospitalisation. I've decided on exactly the same method (CO) and the same way of doing it. I'm a girl and 25. I don't have permission to PM on here yet but if you'd like to chat, let me know.

 

[GirlBye]

Sorry to hear that life is a struggle for you too, although tbh if it wasn't you probably wouldnt be here. Is it just, like everything? It sucks that they didn't help, what were you on? If you don't mind me asking, I'm on mitrazipine atm, only been on a few weeks and it definitely is making a difference but as i said i know it's temporary. If you fancy a chat about anything I'm here :) for now anyways x

 

[peabs]

Sorry to hear that life is a struggle for you too, although tbh if it wasn't you probably wouldnt be here. Is it just, like everything? It sucks that they didn't help, what were you on? If you don't mind me asking, I'm on mitrazipine atm, only been on a few weeks and it definitely is making a difference but as i said i know it's temporary. If you fancy a chat about anything I'm here :) for now anyways x

Yep, I'm just bad at life, trauma depression etc etc. Don't want to do it anymore. Enough already. What about you?
Just the zoloft (sertraline). I feel the difference but same as you, I don't trust the change. If anything it's enabled me to rationally plan and organise my suicide so like, thanks doctors I guess... I'm not convinced I'd be able to carry it out if I wasn't on it. Irony lol. Hope today isn't awful for you x

 

[GirlBye]

Hey, your story sounds very very similar to mine -- I tried partial suspension and failed and am now taking zoloft after a hospitalisation. I've decided on exactly the same method (CO) and the same way of doing it. I'm a girl and 25. I don't have permission to PM on here yet but if you'd like to chat, let me know.

Hey :) yeah we do sound pretty similar haha. I suck at life too don't worry. Just had a shit time tbh. Basically, when i was younger i had some traumatic experience, i lived with my dad when i was little, and he was an alchoholic and used to get drunk alot, which i didnt notice much until i got to about 12, and then it just made me scared to be around him, so when i told him i wanted to go live with my mum he kicked me out of the flat and told me to just go. After that he proceeded to tell me my cat was dead just to hurt me (she wasnt) and then when i went back to get my stuff he abducted me until the police came and got me. After that i had no contact from him until i was 16, he turned my nan against me, and she wouldnt see me anymore either and i didn't even get to see her when she got ill. I always regret not seeing her before she passed.
I've had a string of bad relationships, and quite a few bad decisions about the career path i wanted to go down, i now have a degree in something i don't actually want to do, student debt and no idea what to do with myself haha.
My only problem is that right now my family have a lot going on and i dont want to add to it, my brother is in hospital atm and has a serious head injury and we don't know how bad he's been affected yet. Additionally my dad (the one i mentioned) just went and got himself arrested and now needs to be put somewhere new, my sister wants him to come and stay with me and i just can't handle it. I'm kind of scared and sad about doing it tbh, but i know it won't matter anymore and that's whats driving me to still do it. I hope i can stay in as long as i need too, as some people have said its gotten uncomfortable.
Hope you have a good day x

 

[peabs]

Hey :) yeah we do sound pretty similar haha. I suck at life too don't worry. Just had a shit time tbh. Basically, when i was younger i had some traumatic experience, i lived with my dad when i was little, and he was an alchoholic and used to get drunk alot, which i didnt notice much until i got to about 12, and then it just made me scared to be around him, so when i told him i wanted to go live with my mum he kicked me out of the flat and told me to just go. After that he proceeded to tell me my cat was dead just to hurt me (she wasnt) and then when i went back to get my stuff he abducted me until the police came and got me. After that i had no contact from him until i was 16, he turned my nan against me, and she wouldnt see me anymore either and i didn't even get to see her when she got ill. I always regret not seeing her before she passed.
I've had a string of bad relationships, and quite a few bad decisions about the career path i wanted to go down, i now have a degree in something i don't actually want to do, student debt and no idea what to do with myself haha.
My only problem is that right now my family have a lot going on and i dont want to add to it, my brother is in hospital atm and has a serious head injury and we don't know how bad he's been affected yet. Additionally my dad (the one i mentioned) just went and got himself arrested and now needs to be put somewhere new, my sister wants him to come and stay with me and i just can't handle it. I'm kind of scared and sad about doing it tbh, but i know it won't matter anymore and that's whats driving me to still do it. I hope i can stay in as long as i need too, as some people have said its gotten uncomfortable.
Hope you have a good day x

I am so sorry about your dad. You've clearly had a rough time. Our parents are meant to protect us. :/ Sorry about your nan too, that sounds really hard.
So many bad relationship and career choices here as well. I have a dumb degree too (not that yours is dumb necessarily).
It sounds like it might be best if your dad doesn't stay with you. Sounds like things are really bad right now... maybe things will improve and you won't want to ctb?
I'm scared too, but not so much sad because I've been down so long I don't care anymore.
<3

Hey :) yeah we do sound pretty similar haha. I suck at life too don't worry. Just had a shit time tbh. Basically, when i was younger i had some traumatic experience, i lived with my dad when i was little, and he was an alchoholic and used to get drunk alot, which i didnt notice much until i got to about 12, and then it just made me scared to be around him, so when i told him i wanted to go live with my mum he kicked me out of the flat and told me to just go. After that he proceeded to tell me my cat was dead just to hurt me (she wasnt) and then when i went back to get my stuff he abducted me until the police came and got me. After that i had no contact from him until i was 16, he turned my nan against me, and she wouldnt see me anymore either and i didn't even get to see her when she got ill. I always regret not seeing her before she passed.
I've had a string of bad relationships, and quite a few bad decisions about the career path i wanted to go down, i now have a degree in something i don't actually want to do, student debt and no idea what to do with myself haha.
My only problem is that right now my family have a lot going on and i dont want to add to it, my brother is in hospital atm and has a serious head injury and we don't know how bad he's been affected yet. Additionally my dad (the one i mentioned) just went and got himself arrested and now needs to be put somewhere new, my sister wants him to come and stay with me and i just can't handle it. I'm kind of scared and sad about doing it tbh, but i know it won't matter anymore and that's whats driving me to still do it. I hope i can stay in as long as i need too, as some people have said its gotten uncomfortable.
Hope you have a good day x

I'm kinda worried about staying in the car too -- it seems like you need to choose the moment carefully after you light the charcoal so it's not too smoky but the CO levels are still high. I really don't wanna mess it up and just drive home all dopey and sick from CO. I'm gonna bring a bottle of wine to help calm me down.

 

[Finished]

This is also my choice as well small car #lightsout

 

[GirlBye]

What's your degree in ? Lets compare haha, mines in zoo biology. Which don't get me wrong, its interesting but I've only just started realising it really isnt what i want to do. and its way too late to pursue what i do want to do.

 

[peabs]

What's your degree in ? Lets compare haha, mines in zoo biology. Which don't get me wrong, its interesting but I've only just started realising it really isnt what i want to do. and its way too late to pursue what i do want to do.

That sounds interesting! There's always time to choose something else... mine is so specific I don't think I can actually mention it here, just in case someone I know reads this :/