Discussing suicidality with others

[alivefornow]

There are instances I choose to be open with some friends and acquaintances about my mental health being in the gutter and my mind telling me to kill myself.

Me and my big mouth, I bought SN, got caught because I shared my plans with someone close to my family and spent four months in a terribly-ran psych ward.

Am I just an attention-seeker or do I just not want it to be a surprise when I finally have the guts to do it? Never REALLY tried to die, just "experimented" with partial hanging twice, stood on a ledge once and acquired SN prior to my commitment to the ward.

The only thing I know is true about me is the pain I feel.

Do you talk about your suicidal thoughts with anyone outside this forum, without the guise of anonymity?

 

[Sagew0789]

It's complicated I do hint at it and joke about it w friends. I do try to be careful around my therapist just in case but I did slip a little bit last week she didn't ask for details I only mentioned SN once and she thinks I'm planning on running a meth lab and she seemed visibly annoyed. She was very emotional for the rest of the day and rushed out early, the next day she kept glancing at me and giving me a judgmental look
Next time I see her is Tuesday donno what's going to happen honestly thought she was sending me to the er last week

 

[JordanF]

I've only done so with online friends who don't know my exact address. It's too risky to talk directly about it with friends. It's normal to want to talk to someone about it, it can be hard keeping it all closed up. That's why I'm relieved to have found this forum. It feels so nice to talk openly without any fear of being hospitalized or putting too much pressure on friends.

That being said, I have talked about my suicide plans and made it sounds like they were plans I previously had and that I don't have them anymore.

 

[alivefornow]

It's complicated I do hint at it and joke about it w friends. I do try to be careful around my therapist just in case but I did slip a little bit last week she didn't ask for details I only mentioned SN once and she thinks I'm planning on running a meth lab and she seemed visibly annoyed. She was very emotional for the rest of the day and rushed out early, the next day she kept glancing at me and giving me a judgmental look
Next time I see her is Tuesday donno what's going to happen honestly thought she was sending me to the er last week

Good luck with whatever is coming at you. Ultimately you have power over your own life, even if it can be temporarily be taken from you. At least that was my case.

I'm done playing around though. When I'm gone, I'm gone.

I've only done so with online friends who don't know my exact address. It's too risky to talk directly about it with friends. It's normal to want to talk to someone about it, it can be hard keeping it all closed up. That's why I'm relieved to have found this forum. It feels so nice to talk openly without any fear of being hospitalized or putting too much pressure on friends.

That being said, I have talked about my suicide plans and made it sounds like they were plans I previously had and that I don't have them anymore.

I agree. I stayed away from this forum for a while but rushed back when suicidal thoughts returned. Depression is a hell of a thing, you can't even enjoy some little relief in your life without knowing all hell's coming back soon after.

 

[Sagew0789]

being in a psych ward wasn't the best experience most of them don't take me seriously anyways

Just a lot of mixed feelings ab, most of the time I try to be silly and goofy so no one really believes me when I talk ab how I feel. If that's a good thing if I want to end it but the fact that I've never been heard my whole life is making it worse

 

[alivefornow]

being in a psych ward wasn't the best experience most of them don't take me seriously anyways

Just a lot of mixed feelings ab, most of the time I try to be silly and goofy so no one really believes me when I talk ab how I feel. If that's a good thing if I want to end it but the fact that I've never been heard my whole life is making it worse

I hear you. But then again, you could be anyone. It's different when you allow yourself to be identified as suicidal.

My friends show different reactions, some try to help me, some invite me to activities they think would help me, I even had a close friend end our friendship, presumably because she couldn't bear being involved in this mess. Some just ignore it entirely. It's weird.

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally think it's a terrible idea to do that in this anti-suicide society, it really disgusts me how suicidal people are treat like criminals by being locked in psych wards simply for sharing their honest and valid feelings. I think that it's too risky being open about wanting to die as sadly this world is filled with people who hold pro-life beliefs rather than people who are actually respectful towards the right to die.

 

[R.F.]

It's difficult to talk about suicide in a face-to-face setting. Even if the other person is suicidal themselves, or has been in the past, chances are you won't be able to find common ground. At least I never could.

People experience the world around them differently and tend to downplay past struggles once they manage to overcome them. For somebody else, the things that feed your personal desire to end yourself might not be a problem at all - and that's where talking about them often becomes a dumb back and forth game between two people that can't fathom what the other one is on about. It's true that many struggles can be overcome, and oftentimes it's not even that hard, but say that to a person who has been beaten down so many times in very specific ways that even "easy" tasks seem to demand superhuman determination. They're not easy then. Unfortunately, most people only consider their own characteristics when judging others.

Up until just a few years ago I was terrified to go to the barber because my mother always insisted on cutting my hair herself. I must have gotten my first professional haircut at 19, I believe, and these days it seems like such a stupid thing to weep about, but back then this insecurity was a major source of fuel for my suicidal thoughts. How do you explain that to someone who had been visiting barbers since back when they were a toddler?

Exactly: You don't.

There are numerous things that you might be having a hard time with while your conversation partner is dealing with them like they are nothing. It's human nature to be different, and that is a great thing overall, but it can be frustrating too. I tried talking to people I know in real life about it but it unsurprisingly never led to anything good.