I've been clean from cutting for quite a while, but lately the urges have been so so strong.
My main trigger is flare ups in my chronic illnesses and chronic pain. It may sound silly or contradictory, but when one part of your body hurts so bad all the damn time you eventually get so tired and desperate you self harm to make something else hurt to distract you from the chronic illness pain. There is also all the rage against this body and how much all the illnesses have ruined my life and how I would be a perfectly normal, happy person if I weren't disabled and even though it's "counter productive", I still hurt myself to get the rage out and have even a tiny bit of control over this body for once.
Normally I bite or hit myself which is embarassing, but it doesn't leave permanent marks, the bruises are far easier to lie about than cuts and there is far less risk of infection or needing stitches.
Lately my physical health has been the worst it has ever gotten due to some awful events in my life. The meds don't do anything, the doctors are out of ideas.. the urges to cut are so strong, I feel like there is nothing else I could do to get such horrible anguish out (I'm too afraid I will fail at CTB again so I'm not going to try that anytime soon I think)
If I was able to live alone I would have cut a long time ago, but the fear of my mother finding out is keeping me in check.. barely
Is anyone else here disabled and self harming too? Is there anything that actually helps you cope with the urges?
My main trigger is flare ups in my chronic illnesses and chronic pain. It may sound silly or contradictory, but when one part of your body hurts so bad all the damn time you eventually get so tired and desperate you self harm to make something else hurt to distract you from the chronic illness pain. There is also all the rage against this body and how much all the illnesses have ruined my life and how I would be a perfectly normal, happy person if I weren't disabled and even though it's "counter productive", I still hurt myself to get the rage out and have even a tiny bit of control over this body for once.
Normally I bite or hit myself which is embarassing, but it doesn't leave permanent marks, the bruises are far easier to lie about than cuts and there is far less risk of infection or needing stitches.
Lately my physical health has been the worst it has ever gotten due to some awful events in my life. The meds don't do anything, the doctors are out of ideas.. the urges to cut are so strong, I feel like there is nothing else I could do to get such horrible anguish out (I'm too afraid I will fail at CTB again so I'm not going to try that anytime soon I think)
If I was able to live alone I would have cut a long time ago, but the fear of my mother finding out is keeping me in check.. barely
Is anyone else here disabled and self harming too? Is there anything that actually helps you cope with the urges?
