Discussion difference between loneliness perceived by males and females as a reason for CTB

[marios]

looking at many posts here on SaSu I have seen that the majoity of males who want CTB are not in a relationship and having one would be a valid reason to tear up the bus ticket, while on the contrary I read of several females who even if in a relationship want CTB anyway. It makes me think about how loneliness for males is a very important factor in making this important decision while for females it is not. I would like to ask you fellow users what you think about it? are you in a relationship? and if not, if you were, would you want to ctb in the same way?


sorry for my english

 

[r.vival]

because i got into a relationship i actually enjoyed life. i thought about ctb but i didn't actually do it, didn't feel the need to. life was actually good, hopeful and it stayed that way for a half year. now the relationship is gone and that feeling is back. i'm female so yeah. loneliness kills me, i always had it. it hurts me more than bad company.

 

[Reflection]

Before I got into a relationship, I kinda just accepted life as it was. I had friends I goofed off with, food and video games. And that pretty much made me happy in life.

Then I started having feelings for a girl I knew for long, and after a while asked her out. She accepted and we started dating, and I fell for her HARD. We were each other's firsts, and I really wanted to marry her, have a family together. The whole shabang. I was willing to wait for her as much time as it was needed until we were both ready to do so.

However she left after a few months, 4 and a half a believe. The situation was kinda complicated, but I still tried to maintain a good friendship with her, although she recently just went cutthroat on me no matter how hard I tried to be there for her. And this shit just broke me completely even after a year and a half, never felt this suicidal in my life. And I know I can't even just go back to my past self, cherish the memories and forget about her because at the end of the day, it means accepting that everything I hoped dreamed about having with her would belong to someone else. And that's something I just can't live with. I can bear the loneliness, the unmet physical and emotional needs. But I cannot bear that.

 

[TheHolySword]

Anyone can be lonely, anyone can want to CTB as a result. It's all based on the individual. I'm a woman and loneliness is debilitating to me.

 

[sadalways]

When i was in a relationship, even though it wasn't a happy one i felt happy to at least have someone. Now it's been many years and i've been alone all this time, it's completely killing me inside, i started to get chest pains because of overthinking. So yes i do think if i got into a relationship with someone that loved me and vice versa, i wouldn't want to CTB anymore. However, i'm way too anxious now due to being isolated for so long. A lady that worked in a store came up to me and asked me if i'd like to try a product, that alone nearly sent me into a panic attack mode.

 

[Higurashi415]

looking at many posts here on SaSu I have seen that the majoity of males who want CTB are not in a relationship and having one would be a valid reason to tear up the bus ticket, while on the contrary I read of several females who even if in a relationship want CTB anyway. It makes me think about how loneliness for males is a very important factor in making this important decision while for females it is not. I would like to ask you fellow users what you think about it? are you in a relationship? and if not, if you were, would you want to ctb in the same way?


sorry for my english

2 things came to my mind as soon as I read this; I don't think it's quite that simple to prove your claim.

1. The likelihood of being in a relationship is higher for females in the most common age group on this site, thus inflating the numbers.
2. Men are punished by women more than women are punished by men for their mental health issues (assuming heterosexuality, which is the most common sexual orientation)

Elaborating on point 1:

We all want to kill ourselves, sometimes at least, otherwise we wouldn't be here, but since the probability of being in a relationship is higher given that the person is female and at the same time we're all suicidal, it would seem that being in a relationship does less in terms of decreasing the risk of suicide in females.​

This is true, but it doesn't explain the whole phenomenon, I think.​

​

Elaborating on point 2:

Men are punished by women more than women are punished by men for their mental health issues (I'm assuming heterosexuality, which is the most common sexual orientation in this site). So even less men are in a relationship on this site than statistics would suggest, which wouldn't surprise me. This wouldn't imply that men who are in a relationship are less lonely than females who are in a relationship.​

As for my thought personally... I don't think being in a relationship changes much. Most factors that lead to suicidal ideation have nothing to do with being in a relationship. Depression doesn't ask for a marriage certificate before knocking on your door.

 

[azo]

I think loneliness could theoretically be driving suicidality for both sexes—I just think that men in general are more likely to be lonely because (I would imagine) it is harder to have emotionally fulfilling platonic relationships because of gender roles.

If I had an emotionally fulfilling relationship I probably wouldn't ctb, because the inability to have that is itself a symptom of the sickness driving me to the edge.

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

As for my thought personally... I don't think being in a relationship changes much. Most factors that lead to suicidal ideation have nothing to do with being in a relationship. Depression doesn't ask for a marriage certificate before knocking on your door.

Why I found really interesting in comparing the reddit r/Suicide Bereavement and r/SuicidwWatch subs was that males in the watch sub often complained about their terminal singleness yet many people in the bereavement sub were grieving fathers, husbands, uncles and boyfriends etc that did ctb despite having partners. I'm not sure why that is. I do think males ctb significantly more often over lack of employment and financial problems.

 

[Higurashi415]

It sucks that mental health does indeed make it hard to keep a steady job, let alone one that pays well. Or even studying, for that matter.
But anyway I agree with you. I used to think that my "terminal singleness", "virginity" and whatnot was the root of all evil, now I'm in a long relationship (5 years is a lot at my age) and... yeah, women don't cure depression, as it turns out. Crazy thought.

(I meant to quote your message @Kali_Yuga13 , but I forgot and now I don't know how to fix it...)

 

[cme-dme]

I feel like I'm a bit of an outlier because I am happiest when I'm alone. When I was in a relationship I was miserable but I just didn't think I was at the time. I only realized the damage that had been done ~1 year after the relationship had ended. I feel like I'm best off with just my close online friends at this point. I've never really been interested in sex nor have I ever obsessively had a crush on somebody or desired a relationship.

 

[blackpillhopeless]

Well I guess I'll chime in to add another data point, I am a male, never had a romantic relationship and that is why I want to end my life.

 

[purelydaft]

You can feel lonely in a relationship.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

Me personally I wish I had a partner, anyone that would motivate me to keep going, really. I'm just so tired of being on my own against the world it has become indescribable.

 

[lemonlotl]

female/not in a relationship here but…

female loneliness can just be different than male loneliness. we're often reduced to our parts by partners/prospective partners and sometimes don't feel seen or cared about for other than what we can provide intimately. feeling like you are seen, supported, and valued by a partner I think would help most not want to CTB as much but women have a tendency to devalue themselves even in relationships because of it.

anyway. loneliness is a big contributor to me, I'm an aromantic asexual so despite really wanting a relationship and to feel those sorts of feelings towards others I am unable to. I hate kissing, touch, all of it— I'll never have a life partner or companionship, CTB is a means to the end for me, I can't take many more years of this profound loneliness and alien feeling, and it won't ever get better for me since that's just how I was hardwired. I feel like a defective freak, and live in isolation.

I don't think I would CTB if I found myself a platonic life partner though, but the chances of that are marginal.

 

[temporal_anchorite]

because i got into a relationship i actually enjoyed life. i thought about ctb but i didn't actually do it, didn't feel the need to. life was actually good, hopeful and it stayed that way for a half year. now the relationship is gone and that feeling is back. i'm female so yeah. loneliness kills me, i always had it. it hurts me more than bad company.

i appreciate the honesty. numerous people like to claim being involved in a romantic relationship does nothing to improve one's mental health, but that's cap 100%. relationships are fucking awesome and can definitely help pull you out of a dark place

 

[PI3.14]

i appreciate the honesty. numerous people like to claim being involved in a romantic relationship does nothing to improve one's mental health, but that's cap 100%. relationships are fucking awesome and can definitely help pull you out of a dark place

People generally say this cus they are in one and aren't that happy or cus they want to prevent u from suicide.

Romantic relationships are imo necessary. I don't mean sex by that, but being loved and cherished by a significant other is essential and does indeed lighten our world

 

[Wolf Girl]

You'll have to look into the actual research rather than going off anecdotal reports on here. I strongly believe that almost everyone who ctbs feels lonely or like they don't belong. The research shows that loneliness isn't about how many relationships you have in your life, it's just a feeling that is very hard to change. Knowing someone is in a relationship doesn't tell you anything about that relationship and how they feel about it.

I'm a woman who will ctb eventually primarily from loneliness. For a long time I figured I just needed to date someone/anyone, but it turns out even when dating people, I still felt alone each time. I think if I could meet a compatible person it might not feel as bad, but it's hard enough finding a relationship, let alone finding someone actually emotionally compatible.

 

[Amviii]

female/not in a relationship here but…

female loneliness can just be different than male loneliness. we're often reduced to our parts by partners/prospective partners and sometimes don't feel seen or cared about for other than what we can provide intimately. feeling like you are seen, supported, and valued by a partner I think would help most not want to CTB as much but women have a tendency to devalue themselves even in relationships because of it.

anyway. loneliness is a big contributor to me, I'm an aromantic asexual so despite really wanting a relationship and to feel those sorts of feelings towards others I am unable to. I hate kissing, touch, all of it— I'll never have a life partner or companionship, CTB is a means to the end for me, I can't take many more years of this profound loneliness and alien feeling, and it won't ever get better for me since that's just how I was hardwired. I feel like a defective freak, and live in isolation.

I don't think I would CTB if I found myself a platonic life partner though, but the chances of that are marginal.

I think this might be fairly common amongst (depressed) women? I love the idea of having a person who is my #1 that I feel things for and want to be intimate with, but when it comes to reality, I do not want it. A relationship would not make me feel happier.

 

[WrathfulGloom32]

I think this might be fairly common amongst (depressed) women? I love the idea of having a person who is my #1 that I feel things for and want to be intimate with, but when it comes to reality, I do not want it. A relationship would not make me feel happier.

Not sure, I feel the same as the comment you replied to, I know I'll never have a life partner or companionship but for me the fact that humans are dismissing of one another makes me the saddest. I am fine with not having a partner, I'm not fine with the apathy people have of one another. Too much tribalism. I am AMAB, but I wanted to be something else all my life

 

[Amviii]

Not sure, I feel the same as the comment you replied to, I know I'll never have a life partner or companionship but for me the fact that humans are dismissing of one another makes me the saddest. I am fine with not having a partner, I'm not fine with the apathy people have of one another. Too much tribalism. I am AMAB, but I wanted to be something else all my life

I agree with that, I'll often fantasize about living on some commune. And where does the word commune come from? The same place the word community comes from.

 

[unsaiddes]

I'm in an unhappy relationship currently, and have had a few relationships before this, and it hasn't really changed my ideation except to sometimes make it worse. Relationships have never been fun or healing for me. I thought this one would be a net positive but he fell out of love and we are only staying together because we rent an apartment together.

I've reached a point where I think having a partner only serves to make me feel like nobody will ever understand the real me, and people only like me when I pretend to be happy. The loneliness is more symbolic if that makes sense?

 

[kavina]

Are men lonely or do they just want someone available to provide sex? It's a question worth thinking about and asking, I think. I don't think men and women see or feel love the same way.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

No one loving me is literally the one and only reason i want to kill myself o7

 

[vira]

looking at many posts here on SaSu I have seen that the majoity of males who want CTB are not in a relationship and having one would be a valid reason to tear up the bus ticket, while on the contrary I read of several females who even if in a relationship want CTB anyway. It makes me think about how loneliness for males is a very important factor in making this important decision while for females it is not. I would like to ask you fellow users what you think about it? are you in a relationship? and if not, if you were, would you want to ctb in the same way?


sorry for my english

i was in a relationship for over a year (im a female) and that heightened my ideation. i get quite attached to s/os to the point that my self worth was significantly reduced. i don't think ive ever felt worse than at that point. if this adds anything, the relationship ended because they cheated, which surprisingly made me feel better. i guess it just confirmed my beliefs? anyway, not in a relationship anymore and still suicidal. not much changed.

looking at many posts here on SaSu I have seen that the majoity of males who want CTB are not in a relationship and having one would be a valid reason to tear up the bus ticket, while on the contrary I read of several females who even if in a relationship want CTB anyway. It makes me think about how loneliness for males is a very important factor in making this important decision while for females it is not. I would like to ask you fellow users what you think about it? are you in a relationship? and if not, if you were, would you want to ctb in the same way?


sorry for my english

also i feel like people commenting might skew the data, since i feel like you'd only feel the need to comment if your experience was different. just some food for thought.

 

[Dejected 55]

Some people think being in a relationship is a cure for loneliness. It isn't necessarily. You can be lonely and in a relationship if you aren't with the right, supportive, loving partner. Being in the wrong relationship can actually feel more lonely than just being alone. I have to speak hypothetically, since I've never been in a relationship... but in observing others, I would rather be actually alone than with the wrong person.

So, for me... being in just any relationship wouldn't fix anything... it might make everything worse. But being in the right relationship? That would absolutely improve everything. I wouldn't be alone, I would be seen and heard, I would have support, and I would have someone to help when she feels all those things too. When we have problems in life, we share them instead of me handling it all by myself. We both make the important decisions, instead of just me. And so forth.

Nobody who is alone wants to be in a bad relationship. We just want to be in a good one. And that would help us. Now, we still might have other things going on than just being alone... but at least in the right relationship we would not be facing it alone.

Ask someone facing a terminal disease if they get strength from being supported by a loving partner... ask anyone facing any problem if they aren't helped by someone in their corner that loves and supports them. Nobody would rather face the world alone when they could be with someone else fighting alongside them.

Maybe men and women look at relationships differently. I don't know. I know the stereotypes that society puts forth... but I don't know how real they are.