Discussion difference between loneliness perceived by males and females as a reason for CTB

[marios]

looking at many posts here on SaSu I have seen that the majoity of males who want CTB are not in a relationship and having one would be a valid reason to tear up the bus ticket, while on the contrary I read of several females who even if in a relationship want CTB anyway. It makes me think about how loneliness for males is a very important factor in making this important decision while for females it is not. I would like to ask you fellow users what you think about it? are you in a relationship? and if not, if you were, would you want to ctb in the same way?


sorry for my english

 

[r.vival]

because i got into a relationship i actually enjoyed life. i thought about ctb but i didn't actually do it, didn't feel the need to. life was actually good, hopeful and it stayed that way for a half year. now the relationship is gone and that feeling is back. i'm female so yeah. loneliness kills me, i always had it. it hurts me more than bad company.

 

[Reflection]

Before I got into a relationship, I kinda just accepted life as it was. I had friends I goofed off with, food and video games. And that pretty much made me happy in life.

Then I started having feelings for a girl I knew for long, and after a while asked her out. She accepted and we started dating, and I fell for her HARD. We were each other's firsts, and I really wanted to marry her, have a family together. The whole shabang. I was willing to wait for her as much time as it was needed until we were both ready to do so.

However she left after a few months, 4 and a half a believe. The situation was kinda complicated, but I still tried to maintain a good friendship with her, although she recently just went cutthroat on me no matter how hard I tried to be there for her. And this shit just broke me completely even after a year and a half, never felt this suicidal in my life. And I know I can't even just go back to my past self, cherish the memories and forget about her because at the end of the day, it means accepting that everything I hoped dreamed about having with her would belong to someone else. And that's something I just can't live with. I can bear the loneliness, the unmet physical and emotional needs. But I cannot bear that.

 

[TheHolySword]

Anyone can be lonely, anyone can want to CTB as a result. It's all based on the individual. I'm a woman and loneliness is debilitating to me.

 

[sadalways]

When i was in a relationship, even though it wasn't a happy one i felt happy to at least have someone. Now it's been many years and i've been alone all this time, it's completely killing me inside, i started to get chest pains because of overthinking. So yes i do think if i got into a relationship with someone that loved me and vice versa, i wouldn't want to CTB anymore. However, i'm way too anxious now due to being isolated for so long. A lady that worked in a store came up to me and asked me if i'd like to try a product, that alone nearly sent me into a panic attack mode.

 

[Higurashi415]

looking at many posts here on SaSu I have seen that the majoity of males who want CTB are not in a relationship and having one would be a valid reason to tear up the bus ticket, while on the contrary I read of several females who even if in a relationship want CTB anyway. It makes me think about how loneliness for males is a very important factor in making this important decision while for females it is not. I would like to ask you fellow users what you think about it? are you in a relationship? and if not, if you were, would you want to ctb in the same way?


sorry for my english

2 things came to my mind as soon as I read this; I don't think it's quite that simple to prove your claim.

1. The likelihood of being in a relationship is higher for females in the most common age group on this site, thus inflating the numbers.
2. Men are punished by women more than women are punished by men for their mental health issues (assuming heterosexuality, which is the most common sexual orientation)

Elaborating on point 1:

We all want to kill ourselves, sometimes at least, otherwise we wouldn't be here, but since the probability of being in a relationship is higher given that the person is female and at the same time we're all suicidal, it would seem that being in a relationship does less in terms of decreasing the risk of suicide in females.​

This is true, but it doesn't explain the whole phenomenon, I think.​

​

Elaborating on point 2:

Men are punished by women more than women are punished by men for their mental health issues (I'm assuming heterosexuality, which is the most common sexual orientation in this site). So even less men are in a relationship on this site than statistics would suggest, which wouldn't surprise me. This wouldn't imply that men who are in a relationship are less lonely than females who are in a relationship.​

As for my thought personally... I don't think being in a relationship changes much. Most factors that lead to suicidal ideation have nothing to do with being in a relationship. Depression doesn't ask for a marriage certificate before knocking on your door.

 

[Aergia]

I think loneliness could theoretically be driving suicidality for both sexes—I just think that men in general are more likely to be lonely because (I would imagine) it is harder to have emotionally fulfilling platonic relationships because of gender roles.

If I had an emotionally fulfilling relationship I probably wouldn't ctb, because the inability to have that is itself a symptom of the sickness driving me to the edge.

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

As for my thought personally... I don't think being in a relationship changes much. Most factors that lead to suicidal ideation have nothing to do with being in a relationship. Depression doesn't ask for a marriage certificate before knocking on your door.

Why I found really interesting in comparing the reddit r/Suicide Bereavement and r/SuicidwWatch subs was that males in the watch sub often complained about their terminal singleness yet many people in the bereavement sub were grieving fathers, husbands, uncles and boyfriends etc that did ctb despite having partners. I'm not sure why that is. I do think males ctb significantly more often over lack of employment and financial problems.

 

[Higurashi415]

It sucks that mental health does indeed make it hard to keep a steady job, let alone one that pays well. Or even studying, for that matter.
But anyway I agree with you. I used to think that my "terminal singleness", "virginity" and whatnot was the root of all evil, now I'm in a long relationship (5 years is a lot at my age) and... yeah, women don't cure depression, as it turns out. Crazy thought.

(I meant to quote your message @Kali_Yuga13 , but I forgot and now I don't know how to fix it...)

 

[cme-dme]

I feel like I'm a bit of an outlier because I am happiest when I'm alone. When I was in a relationship I was miserable but I just didn't think I was at the time. I only realized the damage that had been done ~1 year after the relationship had ended. I feel like I'm best off with just my close online friends at this point. I've never really been interested in sex nor have I ever obsessively had a crush on somebody or desired a relationship.

 

[blackpillhopeless]

Well I guess I'll chime in to add another data point, I am a male, never had a romantic relationship and that is why I want to end my life.

 

[purelydaft]

You can feel lonely in a relationship.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

Me personally I wish I had a partner, anyone that would motivate me to keep going, really. I'm just so tired of being on my own against the world it has become indescribable.

 

[lemonlotl]

female/not in a relationship here but…

female loneliness can just be different than male loneliness. we're often reduced to our parts by partners/prospective partners and sometimes don't feel seen or cared about for other than what we can provide intimately. feeling like you are seen, supported, and valued by a partner I think would help most not want to CTB as much but women have a tendency to devalue themselves even in relationships because of it.

anyway. loneliness is a big contributor to me, I'm an aromantic asexual so despite really wanting a relationship and to feel those sorts of feelings towards others I am unable to. I hate kissing, touch, all of it— I'll never have a life partner or companionship, CTB is a means to the end for me, I can't take many more years of this profound loneliness and alien feeling, and it won't ever get better for me since that's just how I was hardwired. I feel like a defective freak, and live in isolation.

I don't think I would CTB if I found myself a platonic life partner though, but the chances of that are marginal.