wiinterfrost
it only gets worse..
- Oct 8, 2023
- 116
Sorry for the vent, this might get long.
So my approximate plan is to end my life in a few weeks. Mid-august probably. The date is vague and not so important but in april i'll be in the countryside with easy access to forest and that's important to me because due to panic and disability and stuff i can't just easily take a train to the forest in normal circumstances.
Anyways i'll be driven there on monday probably and since it is eastertime, today was my last chance to get rope from the store before the stores close. And once i'm in countryside the town is quite a dangerous place for someone like me so even less reason for me to be out and about in the hardware store.
Except i put on my bigboyboots on today and went outside and went in the direction of the store but started to panic like 100meters down and had to turn around and flee inside with tail between my legs and now i don't have rope and i am at a loss!! Maybe in the countryside place where i'll be staying they will have rope but it feels icky to me to take someone else's stuff to kill myself. Like if i do it i'll do it with my own tools instead of lending something i'll never be able to give back. Unfair to them and such.
Or maybe if i am lucky i will be driven on tuesday and the stores will be open and we'll pass by a hardware store and i'll ask if they can pop in with me real quick to relieve my anxiety and they'll ask oh why do you buy rope and i'll blush and say something like bondage. or idk.
Maybe it was a lot and far-fetched to expect to be able to buy rope on my own without having a panic attack when i haven't been to a store in over a year.
And i don't know who will drive me yet and when that'll be. Ugh this is a mess i'm out, just venting, thought this might be interesting.
baiii
So my approximate plan is to end my life in a few weeks. Mid-august probably. The date is vague and not so important but in april i'll be in the countryside with easy access to forest and that's important to me because due to panic and disability and stuff i can't just easily take a train to the forest in normal circumstances.
Anyways i'll be driven there on monday probably and since it is eastertime, today was my last chance to get rope from the store before the stores close. And once i'm in countryside the town is quite a dangerous place for someone like me so even less reason for me to be out and about in the hardware store.
Except i put on my bigboyboots on today and went outside and went in the direction of the store but started to panic like 100meters down and had to turn around and flee inside with tail between my legs and now i don't have rope and i am at a loss!! Maybe in the countryside place where i'll be staying they will have rope but it feels icky to me to take someone else's stuff to kill myself. Like if i do it i'll do it with my own tools instead of lending something i'll never be able to give back. Unfair to them and such.
Or maybe if i am lucky i will be driven on tuesday and the stores will be open and we'll pass by a hardware store and i'll ask if they can pop in with me real quick to relieve my anxiety and they'll ask oh why do you buy rope and i'll blush and say something like bondage. or idk.
Maybe it was a lot and far-fetched to expect to be able to buy rope on my own without having a panic attack when i haven't been to a store in over a year.
And i don't know who will drive me yet and when that'll be. Ugh this is a mess i'm out, just venting, thought this might be interesting.
baiii
