Didn't do it

[Captive of Mind]

I feel bad for going back on my word, but I didn't follow through with my plan. There is one person in my life that I care about more than anyone but I've hurt them and things out of my control led me to destroy our relationship together. Their mother died in September a few years back so September has been a time for them to remember their mother. I was going to say fuck it and use this month anyways because I just want to end this asap, but it was really pulling at my heart. Plus SI was kicking in and it didn't feel right. I'm going to do it sometime in October. I want to go into this without having any nagging thoughts taking away from my peace of mind. Sorry for having a false alarm, I know it takes a toll on people to always see false goodbye threads. When I actually do it, you'll know because I won't sign back in.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Hey, it's okay. You're only human and this is a very difficult thing to do. It is very kind of you to consider their mothers death and their current pain from that. Take care.

 

[StateOfMind]

If your are 100% sure I wouldn't wait too long. There are always unpredictable factors that could stop you from CTB. I have observed myself that I sometimes use these factors as an excuse not to deal with survival instinct. The sooner the better (for me at least) but also don't rush (do things on impulse) find a balance.

 

[Captive of Mind]

Hey, it's okay. You're only human and this is a very difficult thing to do. It is very kind of you to consider their mothers death and their current pain from that. Take care.

Thank you for your kind and reassuring words. This is very difficult to do. It would have been much easier to do the first day I started planning. Now I'm driving myself crazy trying to make everything just right.

 

[Nofuture0628]

I feel bad for going back on my word, but I didn't follow through with my plan. There is one person in my life that I care about more than anyone but I've hurt them and things out of my control led me to destroy our relationship together. Their mother died in September a few years back so September has been a time for them to remember their mother. I was going to say fuck it and use this month anyways because I just want to end this asap, but it was really pulling at my heart. Plus SI was kicking in and it didn't feel right. I'm going to do it sometime in October. I want to go into this without having any nagging thoughts taking away from my peace of mind. Sorry for having a false alarm, I know it takes a toll on people to always see false goodbye threads. When I actually do it, you'll know because I won't sign back in.

I'm sorry what is SI?

 

[feast or famine]

I was just thinking about you. I saw your name crossed out and figured the worst. It's okay you didn't go through with it. It's more than okay. If you didn't feel it was the right time, you don't have to explain yourself. I'm happy to see a post from you. Hugs.

 

[StateOfMind]

I'm sorry what is SI?

SI = Survival instinct

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I'm sorry what is SI?

Survival instinct. Although funnily enough, in my line of work it means suicidal ideation.

Thank you for your kind and reassuring words. This is very difficult to do. It would have been much easier to do the first day I started planning. Now I'm driving myself crazy trying to make everything just right.

It can be a crazy process. Go easy on yourself. As someone told me just today, the bus will arrive on schedule. Helps take some of the pressure off.

 

[Captive of Mind]

If your are 100% sure I wouldn't wait too long. There are always unpredictable factors that could stop you from CTB. I have observed myself that I sometimes use these factors as an excuse not to deal with survival instinct. The sooner the better (for me at least) but also don't rush (do things on impulse) find a balance.

I've been worrying about this too and that is a huge reason why I was going to say fuck it and do it in September. It just wasn't right. Why does my brain have to overthink everything and be plagued by incessant thought? What devil would make us this way? Nature, you cruel bitch. Evolution has gone too far.

I was just thinking about you. I saw your name crossed out and figured the worst. It's okay you didn't go through with it. It's more than okay. If you didn't feel it was the right time, you don't have to explain yourself. I'm happy to see a post from you. Hugs.

I sent you a PM. You are a special person and you seem to find just the right words to say. Something that has drained the life out of me is that I seem to always have to explain myself at every turn in my life. I have tried to stop myself because I don't like it, but it's like someone with OCD trying to stop a nervous tick.

Survival instinct. Although funnily enough, in my line of work it means suicidal ideation.

It can be a crazy process. Go easy on yourself. As someone told me just today, the bus will arrive on schedule. Helps take some of the pressure off.

That is the mentality I'm taking now. It's funny you put it like that because those were my thoughts exactly. It does take the pressure off and will aid in the peacefulness of the process.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

don't feel bad for "going back on your word". ctb is a very big decision to make - it's natural to be hesitant. if it's not your time, it's not your time. and that's completely okay.

 

[BetterInthanOut]

I feel bad for going back on my word, but I didn't follow through with my plan. There is one person in my life that I care about more than anyone but I've hurt them and things out of my control led me to destroy our relationship together. Their mother died in September a few years back so September has been a time for them to remember their mother. I was going to say fuck it and use this month anyways because I just want to end this asap, but it was really pulling at my heart. Plus SI was kicking in and it didn't feel right. I'm going to do it sometime in October. I want to go into this without having any nagging thoughts taking away from my peace of mind. Sorry for having a false alarm, I know it takes a toll on people to always see false goodbye threads. When I actually do it, you'll know because I won't sign back in.

Don't say sorry for going back on your plan, ending your life is serious, it's absolutely okay that you do it when (if ever!) you want to. It's very considerate of you to hold off for your friend

 

[Nofuture0628]

Survival instinct. Although funnily enough, in my line of work it means suicidal ideation.

It can be a crazy process. Go easy on yourself. As someone told me just today, the bus will arrive on schedule. Helps take some of the pressure off.

okay, in my line of work it means suicidal ideation too. that's why i was confused

 

[BitterlyAlive]

okay, in my line of work it means suicidal ideation too. that's why i was confused

Haha, no worries.