Discussion Did you think you’d make it to 2022?

[tieiwi]

did you ever think youd make it this far? i wish you all a happy new year even though it might not be a happy one for some, I hope whatever it is you want will come to you this year.

 

[Beer]

There were 1 or 2 critical points during the year when I thought I wouldn't, but I'm pretty sure I won't make it to 2023

 

[whywere]

For me it overall was touch and go as far as the chronic pain REALLY took its toll on me, BUT I count everyone on SS as good friends, like a family to me, and that in its self-made all the difference for me. It is one thing to live with constant pain and quite another aspect to have so many global souls who I can count on and also that I can help and up lift.

It is, for me, a complete two-way street and I LOVE it and I love each and every spirit on SS.

There, take that fixthe26, nyt and others, as we are a huge family that no one can ever divide or conquer ever.

Happy New Year's to each and every soul here on SS.

Walter

 

[lonerclown666]

I hope not i hope for 2023 i will be gone finally

 

[SheJumped]

At the midpoint of 2021, I started to nosedive towards catching the bus, I question if I will make it out of 2022.

 

[eternalpeace]

Nope. I never thought I would make it to 2022. I remember having some kind of subscription or membership that expired in 2022, and I recall laughing and thinking "there's no way I'll be alive to see that". Well, I guess unless I have a heart attack or spontaneously combust in the next hour and 10 minutes, I'll be seeing 2022.

I was really disappointed in myself for still being alive, but then I decided that I have enough things to be upset over, and I just need to move forward. Really hoping this will be my last new years, and that the end will be relatively peaceful. That's all I want this year. Just a quiet exit.

 

[Onthe29th]

Nope but I don't plan on being around for 2023 though.

 

[strangegirl]

no, and I really wish I didn't

 

[veryhappyhuman]

Ironically, the end of 2020 was pretty good for me and I was actually looking forward to 2021. And it started off really great for me -- I was still living in my favorite place, had 1-2 friends that I could hang out and do things with, had healthy hobbies, great job, etc. I even finally (after nearly a decade) stopped having ctb thoughts for a bit. But then life turned for the worse rapidly (as it seems to do every fuckin time it starts to get even slightly better) around the middle of this year, and I was forced to move back, lost the job, place, friends everything. Aannnd so I'm back to where I started lol. It's almost like there's a certain force that WANTS me to have ctb thoughts and/or do the deed ASAP.

I really, REALLY hope to not be alive for 2023 now. Have fairly detailed plans. Let's see..

 

[l8tony]

That's a great question! My future is still so foggy and I swear I wasn't going to make it to 2020 but here I am 2 years past my due date. Just have to be patient and wait for the right moment or whatever could happen. I definitely don't want to hit a certain age so time is ticking.

 

[piger]

I was thinking I wouldn't make it much through 2022. I wanted to end my semester, and play through games I held off on playing before i CTB. Being able to see family and maybe friends (didn't happen much) for the last time for the holidays. I'm also just lazy

 

[Adamsnolife]

Nope. Not at all but here we are. Hopefully my si won't kick in to stop me doing it soon

 

[seaweaves]

I think every year I believe it could be the year I ctb just as much as that I might see the next. I once thought I wouldn't live to be sixteen or eighteen or twenty five or whtever, year after year. Honestly, I probably don't think far enough ahead to expect myself to be living or not on any given date, since I know if I ctb it will be a straw that broke the camel's back scenario more than long term planned.

 

[little helpers]

woke up just now and it's 2022. everyone on my social media is going "Happy New Year". I don't feel a thing. I'm taken aback how time has become an irrelevant concept to me. it's been that way for a long while now.

but you wanna hear this, man? at 14 I thought everyone dies before HS. when I was 16 I thought 18 is time for funeral. right now it seems I'm not gonna make it past 21. and I hope so.

"sense of foreshortened future".

when each day is already too much. living by the hand of the clock, the tick of the hour.

 

[eternalpeace]

Ironically, the end of 2020 was pretty good for me and I was actually looking forward to 2021. And it started off really great for me -- I was still living in my favorite place, had 1-2 friends that I could hang out and do things with, had healthy hobbies, great job, etc. I even finally (after nearly a decade) stopped having ctb thoughts for a bit. But then life turned for the worse rapidly (as it seems to do every fuckin time it starts to get even slightly better) around the middle of this year, and I was forced to move back, lost the job, place, friends everything. Aannnd so I'm back to where I started lol. It's almost like there's a certain force that WANTS me to have ctb thoughts and/or do the deed ASAP.

I really, REALLY hope to not be alive for 2023 now. Have fairly detailed plans. Let's see..

I can relate to this. Every time I gained any traction in a relatively "normal" life, it all imploded. Sometimes it was my fault, sometimes it was my illness's fault, sometimes it was an external force that I could not have predicted, and sometimes a combination of all three. One time, my "normal life" was going so well that I got a dog (something I had always wanted), but a few years later I had to re-home him and it absolutely broke my heart. It still breaks my heart to this day.

I know no one's life is perfect (even if it might look that way), but I don't know anyone in real life who has had as many "fresh starts" as I have (I have lived in 6 cities in different parts of the country in the last 10 years), and still ended up at ground zero. I know a few other people who have floundered and even experienced great tragedy, but somehow they all managed to get back on their feet again. I'm not sure why I can't seem to.

Sorry, I wish I had some helpful advice. Just know that you are not the only one who feels this way.

 

[Darkover]

no i use to think i'd die before 2012 that i'd never make it that far to my surprise i made into 2016 into i got a life changing brain injury unfortunately i'm only here because of lack of money and peacefull ways to die.

 

[LastWhisper]

I supposed to out in 2018, and it's 2022 now. Damn. Still trying.. must do it anyway..

 

[Diesel_Punk]

I got pretty close in 2021 but SI prevented going through with it every time so I just hope I won't be here for another new year's.

 

[lastlife_]

Absolutely not. Although I've been suicidal, or at least had thoughts of suicide since 2002, and had various attempts in the past, it was this time last year when I decided that I'm going to give up trying.. I've had enough of trying to live or make something of my life when I know I'll never feel happy, not even content.. I'm shocked that I'm still here but also not too surprised.. a whole year has passed since I decided that's enough. It's not easy, is it? It takes a lot of our courage to even make an attempt.. and I'm not proactive. I'm not lazy, just not proactive. As quickly as I can work myself up to do it, I can psych myself out as fast, too.. I push it back.. and tell myself to sit and think, distract myself with something else, I'll read about suicide and research but when it comes to me doing it.. SI just takes over. I know how I'm gonna do it and I know it works.. it's just.. how can I describe it? It's like if you're trapped in a toxic or abusive relationship and you know it's the right decision to leave but you stay.. you stay because even though the environment is negative, it's familiar.. and familiarity is comfort, in some ways or for some people..

I want to do it tonight, but I can't guarantee how I'm going to feel when the evening comes.. I wanted to do it yesterday but morning turned to evening, evening to night, and then I decided what about tomorrow? since I'm alone today. I need to be brave.. I don't want to be weak

 

[FuneralCry]

I am not surprised that I am still here as suicide is very difficult. If I had a peaceful, reliable way to exit, I would already be gone. However there is the fear of failure which is holding me back. I should have left years ago. I am tired of living this pointless, empty existence. I just want peace.

 

[Conker]

I've had close calls with personal health.. So, its a bit surprising that I'm still here albeit under a ton of stress from being tortured almost 24/7

Regardless, I know my time is going to be up very soon. 15 yrs maximum, don't care to survive the imminent 5Genocide Fryday event.

A miracle could change me, but why would anything good ever fucking happen?

 

[tieiwi]

Nope. I never thought I would make it to 2022. I remember having some kind of subscription or membership that expired in 2022, and I recall laughing and thinking "there's no way I'll be alive to see that". Well, I guess unless I have a heart attack or spontaneously combust in the next hour and 10 minutes, I'll be seeing 2022.

I was really disappointed in myself for still being alive, but then I decided that I have enough things to be upset over, and I just need to move forward. Really hoping this will be my last new years, and that the end will be relatively peaceful. That's all I want this year. Just a quiet exit.

I understand that feeling. I'm always thinking I'll be gone soon but then I'm still here. Don't know if it's si that's making me procrastinate or what. I hope you are able to find your peaceful way out.

woke up just now and it's 2022. everyone on my social media is going "Happy New Year". I don't feel a thing. I'm taken aback how time has become an irrelevant concept to me. it's been that way for a long while now.

but you wanna hear this, man? at 14 I thought everyone dies before HS. when I was 16 I thought 18 is time for funeral. right now it seems I'm not gonna make it past 21. and I hope so.

"sense of foreshortened future".

when each day is already too much. living by the hand of the clock, the tick of the hour.

I relate to you so much. I didn't care to post anything, it felt like a chore to be honest. First time I've ever felt that way about social media. Didn't even bother going out either.

My friends always talk about how they could never imagine a life past 30. For me I can't even imagine living until the end of 2022. Or maybe this month.

 

[NotSureToEndure]

Yeah, i'm still not quite ready to go because I feel like there's opportunity for things to get better, in some ways, at least.

I've done a lot of reading here over the past month or so, to get my head in a place where I know I have a viable option to leave peacefully and effectively if required. But equally i'm up for seeing how things play out, and will definitely carry on living if I feel like I can shed away some of my negative thought processes.

I know for a fact i'll get myself into a downward spiral again at some point, but right now i'm feeling okay, I suppose...

Life is a bloody roller coaster eh.

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

Had I made a bet, I wouldve lost money. I'm really disgusted and disappointed that I lived to see 2022.

 

[tieiwi]

Yeah, i'm still not quite ready to go because I feel like there's opportunity for things to get better, in some ways, at least.

I've done a lot of reading here over the past month or so, to get my head in a place where I know I have a viable option to leave peacefully and effectively if required. But equally i'm up for seeing how things play out, and will definitely carry on living if I feel like I can shed away some of my negative thought processes.

I know for a fact i'll get myself into a downward spiral again at some point, but right now i'm feeling okay, I suppose...

Life is a bloody roller coaster eh.

Wow I relate to you 100%. I've required my peaceful method. Thought I was going to ctb last month but there's always that little voice in my head convincing me there's still a chance. Everyday now is just a bunch of ups and downs. Life really is a roller coaster. I hope things do get better for you.

 

[ExitiumVitae]

No way. I am mentally still stuck at the day of my first attempt last year. Still in 2021. Still in between life and death.

 

[VKVK]

At this point I've stopped wondering how long I'll be able to make it to and just let the time pass... I'll either get my shit together, or die. Plain and simple.

 

[Lost Magic]

God, it was very difficult to carry on into this year. I still wanted to get some extra drugs for ctb (got everything now) and I do want to setup a charity will. So it kept me going (probably just stalling tactics). It is not easy though and I really want to be gone this year. I don't see much good left in the world. My hopes and dreams died a long time ago.

 

[Gaybonez]

did you ever think youd make it this far? i wish you all a happy new year even though it might not be a happy one for some, I hope whatever it is you want will come to you this year.

Hell no. I used to think in months and weeks back in late 2010s

 

[☆AwaitingEntropy☆]

I always feel like I won't make it another year. I definitely thought at times I wouldn't make it to 2022, and even now I feel like I won't make it to 2023.
...still, I wouldn't be surprised to be in the same spot a year from now.