No, not really. I've gotten ridiculously good grades in school my entire life, even through college, so one would think I'd have fit into that crowd, whatever it is, maybe the "preppies", or whatever they are called now. That's not how it went at all. In high school I fell in with the "burnouts", the group that smoked lots of pot and did other drugs. I only smoked pot and it never went any further than that for me. Still, I always felt a little like the "odd man out", as so many of my friends then weren't nearly as good at school and struggled to even pass tests a lot of the time. After high school, I, and the friends that I had there, basically, went our separate ways. In college, I still smoked pot, but I lived at home and worked a full-time job, so I had absolutely zero time for any extracurricular activities or socializing. When I wasn't at school, I was working, and when I wasn't at school or work, I was studying, or eating, or shitting, or peeing, or sleeping. That was my life for 4 years. After graduation, I got a job and still didn't have any time to try and "fit in" with anyone. After work, I'd help my mom and dad, who were divorced and had different households, and, also, take care of my own stuff, as I had my own house. I stopped smoking weed pretty much right after college, so that really eliminated any like interests that I had with the couple friends that I still managed to socialize with from high school, albeit on a very limited basis. A few years after that, I stopped drinking, not that I was ever a very heavy drinker, which pretty much killed that socializing possibility with coworkers, as I just didn't want to, nor did I have any interest in, going to any bars after work, so I just didn't. I guess I was never really that social of a person. But, it's not all my fault, as I had other things to do and other responsibilities that I thought were more important.
All of the above doesn't even take into account all of the "mental" shit I've been dealing with since childhood. Not mental illness, per say, and none of it caused by anything that someone else did to me, but other things that have clogged my mind for as long as I can remember - like a mental war - that has entirely worn me down over all of those years. I'm tired. So, so tired. No, I'm utterly and completely exhausted and I know that each day that passes brings me a little bit closer to when I'll finally not have to deal with it anymore.
I, honestly, have no idea where I was supposed to fit in life. It's all water under the bridge at this point.
