did something that happened recently made you even more suicidal?

[bloomingdark]

For me, one thing after another, issues with my family and friends,sickness, etc.



What about you guys?

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Not yet, but, I know it's coming.

 

[nopointofliving]

Yes talking with some unkind people and getting some stupid advice from them. It really drags me down.

 

[IHaveNoName]

The first time I tried to CBT I was about 8 I don't think I should of been born in the first place my existence is stupid and pointless.

 

[Moose.000]

Yes. On a scale of 1 to 10 I lived at 5, now I live at 9.5. Any day can be the day.

 

[deadby30]

My girlfriend died from covid in february and that is whats driving me to this. She was 28 years old.

Ive been passively suicidal for years and was actively suicidal back in December 2017-january 2018. I had a plan and method, my date was March 23, 2018.

She got diagnosed with Lymphoma in February 2018 and it went away, just like that. She needed me here and throughout the course of her treatment I found the will and want to live again. I watched someone fight so hard to live and it showed me that its worth it. She had so many ups and downs, so many failed treatments and by the end of it she was stage 4. She was on her last option and it worked! Complete remission in October 2019. 1 year and 8 months of hell and she beat it. She got back on her feet over the course of the pandemic and even got back to work. She struggled but never gave up, and got back to a semblance of her life before cancer.

We got sick in December 2020, I got better quick but she kept getting worse. She was in the hospital 7 weeks, only made it 5 days on the ventilator before she died. It was fucking brutal to watch.

She was the sweetest person and without going into too much detail, had a hard life even before cancer. She got through all that and never let it change her.

To watch her struggle with and eventually beat cancer and get back on her feet, to overcome so much in her short life, only to get sick with this stupid virus and die a long slow death, alone, only reinforces what ive always thought: life is fucking pointless and no matter how good you are or how hard you try, you get fucked in the end. So I'm done.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

My girlfriend died from covid in february and that is whats driving me to this. She was 28 years old.

Ive been passively suicidal for years and was actively suicidal back in December 2017-january 2018. I had a plan and method, my date was March 23, 2018.

She got diagnosed with Lymphoma in February 2018 and it went away, just like that. She needed me here and throughout the course of her treatment I found the will and want to live again. I watched someone fight so hard to live and it showed me that its worth it. She had so many ups and downs, so many failed treatments and by the end of it she was stage 4. She was on her last option and it worked! Complete remission in October 2019. 1 year and 8 months of hell and she beat it. She got back on her feet over the course of the pandemic and even got back to work. She struggled but never gave up, and got back to a semblance of her life before cancer.

We got sick in December 2020, I got better quick but she kept getting worse. She was in the hospital 7 weeks, only made it 5 days on the ventilator before she died. It was fucking brutal to watch.

She was the sweetest person and without going into too much detail, had a hard life even before cancer. She got through all that and never let it change her.

To watch her struggle with and eventually beat cancer and get back on her feet, to overcome so much in her short life, only to get sick with this stupid virus and die a long slow death, alone, only reinforces what ive always thought: life is fucking pointless and no matter how good you are or how hard you try, you get fucked in the end. So I'm done.

Damn.....I am so sorry and heartbroken to hear this. I have no words that can help, but, I do understand how that would just be it for someone. I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss.

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

yes, my mom denying that psychiatric drugs harmed me and completely invalidating the abuse I went through

 

[IHaveNoName]

My girlfriend died from covid in february and that is whats driving me to this. She was 28 years old.

Ive been passively suicidal for years and was actively suicidal back in December 2017-january 2018. I had a plan and method, my date was March 23, 2018.

She got diagnosed with Lymphoma in February 2018 and it went away, just like that. She needed me here and throughout the course of her treatment I found the will and want to live again. I watched someone fight so hard to live and it showed me that its worth it. She had so many ups and downs, so many failed treatments and by the end of it she was stage 4. She was on her last option and it worked! Complete remission in October 2019. 1 year and 8 months of hell and she beat it. She got back on her feet over the course of the pandemic and even got back to work. She struggled but never gave up, and got back to a semblance of her life before cancer.

We got sick in December 2020, I got better quick but she kept getting worse. She was in the hospital 7 weeks, only made it 5 days on the ventilator before she died. It was fucking brutal to watch.

She was the sweetest person and without going into too much detail, had a hard life even before cancer. She got through all that and never let it change her.

To watch her struggle with and eventually beat cancer and get back on her feet, to overcome so much in her short life, only to get sick with this stupid virus and die a long slow death, alone, only reinforces what ive always thought: life is fucking pointless and no matter how good you are or how hard you try, you get fucked in the end. So I'm done.

That is very shit, life tests good poeple more that shit people from my experience/

 

[deadby30]

Damn.....I am so sorry and heartbroken to hear this. I have no words that can help, but, I do understand how that would just be it for someone. I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss.

I appreciate the hell out of that ❤
I just dont see the point anymore

 

[Titania]

I just lost my job....again. I can't keep a job or school. I feel worthless. Depression sucks.

 

[deadby30]

That is very shit, life tests good poeple more that shit people from my experience/

Unfortunately thats been the case in mine too. So many shitty people ive met, who will live long shitty lives, never dealing with anything like this and will die happy and fulfilled. Yet the good ones suffer

 

[Rayzieka]

I suppose for me it was my mother denying my mental illness as a whole. Not just saying I don't have it- but saying it doesn't exist.
By saying this she's implying that all these years of hearing people inside and out of my head and seeing these things I see are all lies. Or even worse, real. She's currently on another religious kick and tries to convince me these demons aren't inside me but that they actually exist.
Not only does this push me deeper into psychosis but it makes me fear that if the next move I make kills me- that one day she's going to snap out of it and find that it's partially her doing. I wish she would realize that you shouldn't pretend mental illness doesn't exist and that you can seriously damage a person by doing what she's doing- for my sibling's sake. Because I know they're going to have it hard one day too and if she's still acting like this she could push one of them to the edge.

 

[dec132013]

Im still not nearly as suicidal as I used to be, but ngl at this rate I wouldn't be surprised if I get that low again.

Worlds incredibly fucked up and seems like its never going to get better

 

[Joey]

Uncertainty of my future

 

[demuic]

It's going to happen soon and I'm doing my best to ignore it.

 

[FuneralCry]

At the moment, it's just the same usual stuff. There is always health problems and I never feel well. But as I am prone to bad luck something else will probably happen to me. There is no point trying to make myself better as life says no to that.

 

[WornOutLife]

Yes! I got way too many new English lessons to teach and I had a panic attack and didn't want to leave my bed last Sunday and yesterday.
Now, thanks to my bipolar disorder, I'm on the UPS side again. I just gotta, somehow, cope with the DOWNS...

 

[victoria91]

my partner is the reason i want to die. that and i am an absolute fuck up

 

[Yasuke]

Let my grade slipped which puts a class I took in jeaporady for a useless degree in a useless major that Im trying to get and go to college to just please my parents so they don't kick me out potentially because I feel so lonely around particularly women I can't function and become hopeless.

 

[Revered]

I lost my dog to old age last month, and I lost my father to a stroke late last year. Neither of those helped my mood any that's for sure.

 

[DarkNearDeath]

The RE:realization of how alone I am..

 

[Boochky]

My fiancee is cheating on me and I can't afford to live alone. I need thousands of work ony teeth. I'm tired of being Bipolar. I've lost all my friends.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Yes rejection and allowing myself to be used by a guy. I never learn. Anyway that's the last time. I will be evading all situations for now until I can CTB in peace either next month, November , or august 2022

 

[Celerity]

Yep, getting ghosted by a love interest and my one friend back-to-back. I feel like a million fucking bucks!

 

[ExhaustedExistence]

Yes, questions from my family. They always ask me about my future, but I have no answer for them.

 

[S like Siren]

the awareness that now there is nothing more I can do and that things will never change

 

[nihilism44]

My girlfriend died from covid in february and that is whats driving me to this. She was 28 years old.

Ive been passively suicidal for years and was actively suicidal back in December 2017-january 2018. I had a plan and method, my date was March 23, 2018.

She got diagnosed with Lymphoma in February 2018 and it went away, just like that. She needed me here and throughout the course of her treatment I found the will and want to live again. I watched someone fight so hard to live and it showed me that its worth it. She had so many ups and downs, so many failed treatments and by the end of it she was stage 4. She was on her last option and it worked! Complete remission in October 2019. 1 year and 8 months of hell and she beat it. She got back on her feet over the course of the pandemic and even got back to work. She struggled but never gave up, and got back to a semblance of her life before cancer.

We got sick in December 2020, I got better quick but she kept getting worse. She was in the hospital 7 weeks, only made it 5 days on the ventilator before she died. It was fucking brutal to watch.

She was the sweetest person and without going into too much detail, had a hard life even before cancer. She got through all that and never let it change her.

To watch her struggle with and eventually beat cancer and get back on her feet, to overcome so much in her short life, only to get sick with this stupid virus and die a long slow death, alone, only reinforces what ive always thought: life is fucking pointless and no matter how good you are or how hard you try, you get fucked in the end. So I'm done.

god.. that's absolutely heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for her AND you. I can't imagine having to go through that on either side. Whatever you end up deciding to do, I hope you find peace, and I hope you find her on the other side xx.

 

[esann7]

Yeah, two events that recently happened (one of them just took place an hour ago..). So the first event is that I have to prepare for grad school so I have to go to all these meetings that tell me to research grad school programs ...But all I want to do just live free from societal and legal shackles, I don't have a career goal or dream job which is the thing capitalism has led us to normalize . The second event is that my family members got in a long fight and I was very scared, and I know I'm going to keep witnessing these fights so I need to CTB soon...I've been witnessing this since I was very young and I'm sick of it. I'm already a nihilist, I'm already suicidal. I've been suicidal since last summer. But I just can't bring myself to finally do it

Im still not nearly as suicidal as I used to be, but ngl at this rate I wouldn't be surprised if I get that low again.

Worlds incredibly fucked up and seems like its never going to get better

Indeed

 

[soap]

Biggest mistake in my life was back in 2013, so nothing recent. But only recently did the regret start catching up with me.

Other than that my health went to hell 6 months ago, been struggling with it real bad.