Discussion Did someone or something make you want to ctb?

[-Focusedarkness-]

Personally, it was neither. I just have a bunch of sadness. (Its hard to explain).

 

[Life_and_Death]

Something that was caused by a lot of someones.

I couldn't ask for a better current life..... But these disorders from my past are really wearing on me.

 

[Ghost2211]

Broken heart.

 

[DyingAlf]

Yes, many things that were caused by many people. So much trauma. And my own stupid brain.
But don't try to compare yourself, or devalue your thoughts & feelings, having a "bunch of sadness" is also valid.

 

[FuneralCry]

Just being alive. I don't understand how people see it as so wrong as wanting to not exist as it is the path we are all destined for.

 

[Mm80]

Broken heart.

Aww rosey that makes me feel sad.
Your such a sweet person im not sure why anyone would want to break your heart x

 

[Mayerling86]

Just emptiness. This feeling has been contributed to by people in my life but its an overall feeling of feeling no hope or excitement for my future combined with heartbreaks and betrayal.

 

[Ghost2211]

Aww rosey that makes me feel sad.
Your such a sweet person im not sure why anyone would want to break your heart x

That was sweet. Thank you for making me smile.

 

[Lilacmoon]

Circumstance, trauma, aging...

 

[Mm80]

That was sweet. Thank you for making me smile.

I mean i dont know about your sweetness for sure. You could be typing away from your prison cell where you are serving 5 life sentences ...

 

[Ghost2211]

I mean i dont know about your sweetness for sure. You could be typing away from your prison cell where you are serving 5 life sentences ...

Says the crazy man in sexy shorts.

 

[Mm80]

Says the crazy man in sexy shorts.

Says the crazy man in sexy shorts.

Ive had these shorts since in 1982, There was an underpant lining but it perished,

 

[Ghost2211]

Ive had these shorts since in 1982, There was an underpant lining but it perished,

Googled that. Was not disappointed lol

 

[Heart Shards]

I'm tired. I want to go be with my Lord.

 

[Xander_McG]

My wife mainly. I always struggled with the thought of doing it but 3 weeks ago when she turned round and said out of the blue that she doesn't love me anymore has sent me even further down the rabbit hole. Doesn't help that 2 hours ago I found out shes been sleeping with someone else, 3 WEEKS, after our marriage breakdown

 

[Mr2005]

I have the dumbest reason for wanting to kill myself ever. Not making an email address until it was too late. Didn't think I had to. Thought I could trust my parents. I couldn't. Didn't know how much the internet would take over either. Never really wanted much to do with it, now there's no choice. The world we're living in is literally my worst nightmare. Feels like punishment for my incompetence. I literally could have been saved with the click of a mouse. My parents taught me the value of doing things for yourself but I'm not going to thank them. I suffer everyday. I probably deserve it but with different parents I could have got away with it. I'll never rely on anyone ever again. Unfortunately there's absolutely nothing I can do now

 

[_Kaira_]

A multitude of things. A major part my incompetency of conforming to society and such. Also a ton of childhood trauma.

 

[JustKillBen22]

Me, my decisions, my laziness, my just terrible attitude towards everything. It doesn't help that the world is shit, but nonetheless I am the reason I want to die.

 

[ARW3N]

There have always been and will always be people that CTB for exactly the opposite reasons others imagine. Most people have a hard time accepting the bare fact that most of us have a distaste for life and it's got nothing to do with broken relationships or financial problems. There are just as many married people and multi-millionaires that CTB.

 

[Deformationalplagio]

birth defect ( severe skull face deformity ) caused by neglect by my "mom"

 

[CalmStrikeofMercy]

I have been stuck in fight or flight or freeze since I was 10. Coming across militant and scary people.

Life is too difficult to handle and I honestly am not fit for doing it. I am disabled and it is to the point where there is no quality of life and I cannot explain to my family how I am like a ghost in my ability to function and blind in the ability to find good people and unsure of how to connect. I do not really know what I am looking at anymore nor do I know what people want or how to make it. The more I analyze the situation, the more horrible it becomes.

Really wish I could just die.

 

[Deleted member 94]

I've both physical and mental illnesses and all are incurable and make life not worth living, the medicines help to lessen the suffering, but not take it away. I don't want to outlive my suffering.

 

[Trayus]

I guess indirectly yes: my big crush, which happens to be my best friend, got a boyfriend. Then i had to confront my loneliness again and the thought of being forever alone broke me.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

my 25 yr old son died in a car accident. I died with him that day.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I've had thoughts about suicide ever since my parents divorced in 2005 but my thoughts weren't concrete until around 2009 when I felt like a piece of shit because everyone died in a game I was playing.

From there it was on and off until college when I felt really depressed and angsty from being bad at my major so I dropped out. In 2015 I came up with the idea that if I'm not married or about to be married by 30 then I have to CTB for sure.

Earlier this year I realized I wouldn't ever get that far so I started going to this site and was getting pretty good at accepting it. Then just 12 days ago I met someone blah blah blah the story is in another thread she made me want to actually live but it didn't work out blah blah blah. Anyway, now I'm even more certain that I actually want to CTB but now I might want to do it sooner because this new heartbreak is making waiting seem insane.

 

[dontwantocareanymore]

If I didn't already have chronic fatigue, I would say that my most recent ex would be a huge deciding factor if I didn't have any dependents. No one had ever been able to mess me up until him. Every day, a broken heart sits on top of what already is this pile of shit that I call a "life." & I know by taking the risk to actually, truly love someone, I am to blame. I am so tired in every sense of the word.

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

I've been depressed and anxious since childhood (growing up in an extremely dysfunctional family) so I was already struggling with life and day to day stuff going back as far as I have memory. But then I developed worsening depression, anxiety, and multiple physical conditions and illnesses that have made my quality of life since my mid-20s (I'm almost 53 now) non-existent. Add in a traumatic breakup in my early 20s which messed up my head even more and then (now, still) a TERRIBLE marriage and forget it. I can't handle one more thing yet more things keep on coming. I just can't, and don't want to, do it any longer. There's no point anyway, as my life will only get worse as nothing is fixable and there's no way out of my situations, and I'm just tired now. I want it all to STOP. So I'll stop it all myself, finally and the best and only way possible.

 

[Leftover]

Someone. Almost every single day. I live with my aunt since '17 because I couldn't bear living with my paralyzed mom any longer. Since then, everything got even worse. I've been made feel like I do not deserve to live or anything. Every thing I do, every step I take is a mistake. I have been taught that I'm ungrateful, for other people suffering from worse than I do.
Last weekend, I visited my brother, who was in similar situations as I am. We more or less fought about me just imagining things and my life can't be all that bad etc. etc.
At one point, he said I just could get drunk and jump off a building (not in a supporting way, to be clear). I left.

I mean, technically he gave me advice on how to kill myself. Isn't that kinda like "Go and die finally!"?

 

[PartingGlass]

Yeah. Every time I love someone they either dislike me from the start or eventually just abandon me when they decide they've had their fill.

 

[lago]

Personally, it was neither. I just have a bunch of sadness. (Its hard to explain).

My wife. 34 years of vicious abuse. Can't take it anymore and I am too broken to get up.