yeahokbuddyboy
Member
- Nov 4, 2023
- 45
Got done with some late rehearsals tonight and didn't know what to do with myself. Instead of going to my apartment I just drove for like 3 hours and listened to music. I haven't been able to enjoy music in months but something about the depression plus coffee at 11 pm was working.
Pulled over at an abandoned gas station and shut the engine off and just sat for a while. I felt weirdly at peace. I never just drive for no reason, especially not at night, but it was really nice. I took off my belt and looped it around my neck, sat up straight, and shut the loose end in my window. I adjusted it a bit and slumped back down into the seat.
At first i got the "exploding head" feeling in seconds, but i then got it to rest in a spot that somehow didn't cause that. It freaked me out a lot when I started getting lightheaded without my face turning hot, in under a minute of pressure from the belt.
Is this a known phenomenon? Is that how partial suspension is supposed to feel? I kind of assumed people just had to power through that awful swollen head feeling. Could I actually go unconscious so painlessly and die from this, assuming i could make sure belt only gets tighter after I pass out?
I don't always want to die but it's getting to be much more often than not, and when I do go, I know it'll be by my own hand. I think It'll be this way. I don't have to buy anything or prep. I always have my belt on me and I hope I'll have my trusty 05 civic for the foreseeable future.
When I decide it's time, I'll grab a few photos and keepsakes and just drive out to somewhere nice and rural and listen to music for a while. No ugly closet scene for roommates/family to find. I'll be so far away it'll be strangers and/or the cops first.
Pulled over at an abandoned gas station and shut the engine off and just sat for a while. I felt weirdly at peace. I never just drive for no reason, especially not at night, but it was really nice. I took off my belt and looped it around my neck, sat up straight, and shut the loose end in my window. I adjusted it a bit and slumped back down into the seat.
At first i got the "exploding head" feeling in seconds, but i then got it to rest in a spot that somehow didn't cause that. It freaked me out a lot when I started getting lightheaded without my face turning hot, in under a minute of pressure from the belt.
Is this a known phenomenon? Is that how partial suspension is supposed to feel? I kind of assumed people just had to power through that awful swollen head feeling. Could I actually go unconscious so painlessly and die from this, assuming i could make sure belt only gets tighter after I pass out?
I don't always want to die but it's getting to be much more often than not, and when I do go, I know it'll be by my own hand. I think It'll be this way. I don't have to buy anything or prep. I always have my belt on me and I hope I'll have my trusty 05 civic for the foreseeable future.
When I decide it's time, I'll grab a few photos and keepsakes and just drive out to somewhere nice and rural and listen to music for a while. No ugly closet scene for roommates/family to find. I'll be so far away it'll be strangers and/or the cops first.
