Help did i make the right choice?

[TransTaxEvader]

my best friend ended her life yesterday morning via SN protocol, I was talking to her while she did it. I got a message from her family telling me "a true friend would have told her not to do this, i can't believe we trusted you enough for her to visit you."

we met on this website, looking for someone to ctb together, unfortunately she had enough and she needed to go out on her own, so i did my best and stayed by her side keeping her company until she stopped responding.

am I a bad person for not calling the police or an ambulance? I deprived a brother from ever seeing his sister again, and parents from ever seeing their daughter again... but this is what she wanted. Am I a bad person for respecting her decision?

 

[lonergirl_26]

I don't think you are a bad person. She made her decision. You respected her and her choice. Honestly even if you did call someone what could they have done?
You stayed with her. You made sure she wasn't alone. You are a good friend.

 

[karakoltriste]

No, you are not a bad person! You stayed with her until her last moments...

 

[onmywaytothebusstop]

my best friend ended her life yesterday morning via SN protocol, I was talking to her while she did it. I got a message from her family telling me "a true friend would have told her not to do this, i can't believe we trusted you enough for her to visit you."

we met on this website, looking for someone to ctb together, unfortunately she had enough and she needed to go out on her own, so i did my best and stayed by her side keeping her company until she stopped responding.

am I a bad person for not calling the police or an ambulance? I deprived a brother from ever seeing his sister again, and parents from ever seeing their daughter again... but this is what she wanted. Am I a bad person for respecting her decision?

I was in contact with someone from the site through the looking for partner thread that also commited suicide. Eventhough i'm suicidak, i tried to talk to the person not to do it since it was a really good person and i had the feeling that it was somewhat impulsive. I was there for them to talk to and in the end they did it anyway.

I don't think you're a bad person for doing what you've done. You were there for the person to talk to when they needed someone the most and it's highly likely that there was not much you could have done anyway.

When someone is convinced it's time to depart, i don't think anyone can force anyone not to do so.

 

[getoutgirl]

Thats an extremely complicated position you were in ethically and emotionally speaking. Like there is no way around that and I won't pretend it is not either. It's only normal you are struggling with it.
You probably know a lot more of her situation than I or anyone here so you can be a better judge of it all. If that's what she wanted and needed. Even though you can't know for sure.
I also understand her family's point of view. They are going through immense pain right now, and you probably are going through yours too. It's not easy either way at all. I'm really sorry It came to that, glad she is at peace now and not suffering, but the suffering gets done by the ones we leave behind and there is going to be a lot of that for everyone involved sadly.
You respected her decision and provided some last comfort. Maybe you could've have stopped it, maybe there was little you could do. Can't know, and it is done now. There is no easy way out of that dilemma imo. I'd be lying. But like I said you comforted and helped her when she needed you, that is important, and for her I'm sure it was too, let that help you when you are hurting over this. Can't say much else other than to take it as easy as you can these days if this just happened. Lots of hugs <3

 

[Worndown]

Family often looks for someone to blame. But for "them" no bus would have been caught. Sadly this is you.
They are not accepting reality.
You listened and did what you needed to do. You could not have stopped this. Maybe yesterday, but it would have happened at some time.

 

[moonflow3r]

Once someone is set on dying there are few things (if anything) we can do to stop them. You were there for her in her final moments and respected her decision. That doesn't make you a bad person.

 

[bankai]

It was what she wanted and you respected her wishes. You're a true friend.

 

[limpimitation]

You didn't cause her pain and you didn't create her suffering. You were there with her in her darkest hour and that's something most people would be too scared to face. You're brave

 

[Spicy Tteokbokki]

If I was in her position I would've been really happy to have you with me as I was drifting away.

 

[Mooncry]

Her family is grieving and not in the frame of mind to understand, and they probably never will be. In my opinion, what you did for her was the action of a true friend. Like many others here have said, attempting to stop her from going through with it, calling an ambulance, etc. wouldn't have made much difference if she was truly set on going.

So few people would be willing to respect someone's wish to die and be there for them in their final moments. Especially if she was your best friend, I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now in losing her, and the guilt brought on by her family blaming you for their grief isn't helping.

So please, take as much time as you need for yourself to grieve as well. I hope you can find peace in knowing you were your friend's solace when she needed it the most.

 

[TransTaxEvader]

should i message her family back? is it worth it?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I don't think you're a bad person. You respected them enough to allow them to make their own decision, as to what's best for them, which is, I'm sure, exactly how you would like to be respected if it were you. You let them have their autonomy. That's the ultimate respect someone can give.

 

[vitbar]

It's impossible for me to make that judgement. I believe helping/not hindering and preventing a suicide can be reasonable depending on the person.

When someone you love dies it raises a lot of questions: is there anything I could have done? would anything have changed things? and similar. You are experiencing these kind of questions yourself. You having potentially been in a position to brevent almost guarantees the response her family are giving you.

 

[darksouls]

my condolencess for your loss
it was very noble of you to support your friend

 

[Mooncry]

should i message her family back? is it worth it?

I wouldn't. I'd just leave them be.

 

[FuneralCry]

I see it as compassionate respecting personal choices, if someone wants to end their own existence then that is their decision, it's not something for other people to decide as after all it's not their existence and I see it as extreme cruelty how many people wish to force others to suffer no matter what trapping them in this existence they never even consented to in the first place, the right to die is a human right, it's just so horrible how those people make the right to die into a crime and make existence into a prison where the suffering and torture of human existence is seen as to force and prolong no matter what.

 

[WatchmeBurn]

Depends on the specific circumstances. Was it on impulse? Was it properly thought out? Were they certain? what treatments had they tried beforehand? Did they have any dependents? Etc etc etc...it's something that we cannot answer for you.

Don't message the family back. It'll just hurt them more.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I imagine if you were friends, you would have talked about why she felt that way and, why the situation felt impossible or very improbable to solve another way. So I imagine she had probably made up her mind.

That's not to say all attempts should just be left be. Maybe there are some where people are being impulsive or seem to be in a confused state. I wonder how common they actually are though.

If they seem sure and thinking clearly though, is it really all that kind to then break someone's confidence and set the police on them? Would you appreciate that done to you? I wouldn't. I'd feel terrified, hurt and a bit angry but then, I would also try to acknowledge that I'd put them in a very difficult position. So personally, I don't intend to tell anyone who knows me and could potentially stop me.

This is the worst thing about all this really. It does put people at the risk of angry relatives if they bear witness and do nothing. Which means, so many of us will die alone.

I actually really admire people who are there for others at the very end. I actually think this could be one of the most selfless acts we can do for someone. Unless we're pretty twisted, I doubt we actually want to bear witness to their death. We more likely don't want them to leave us- because we enjoy their company. To put that all aside, plus our own grief, I think shows true, selfless compassion for another person.

I don't actually think I could do it if I'm honest. Partly in truth because I'd be afraid of this kind of reaction. I hope things now settle. I'm sorry for your loss and for this aftermath.

 

[Subhumano]

No, she is better now probably

 

[Alexandra0]

THIS IS HER CONSCIOUS CHOICE! It's not your fault. You were a good friend to her. Her parents just don't understand why so many people want ktb. Every person has a choice and no one has the right to deprive them of it.

 

[suicidal jirai]

my best friend ended her life yesterday morning via SN protocol, I was talking to her while she did it. I got a message from her family telling me "a true friend would have told her not to do this, i can't believe we trusted you enough for her to visit you."

we met on this website, looking for someone to ctb together, unfortunately she had enough and she needed to go out on her own, so i did my best and stayed by her side keeping her company until she stopped responding.

am I a bad person for not calling the police or an ambulance? I deprived a brother from ever seeing his sister again, and parents from ever seeing their daughter again... but this is what she wanted. Am I a bad person for respecting her decision?

I'm going to be brutally honest, when it comes to suicide, if someone wants to die and is determined to, there is nothing more that you can do for them, they'll do it regardless, some people can try everything to get better but sometimes, for some people and maybe a lot, you can't get better, no matter how hard you try, ands that's when people turn to suicide, if anything, it probably comforted her, not dying alone, but while speaking to someone that she cares about a lot. In regards to morality, who are we to judge whether suicide is right or wrong, I don't think you're a bad person at all, and the fact you respected her decision, and didn't force her, I don't think it's a bad or good thing, but I think it was the right choice, like I said previously, she was probably happy that you were with her till the end, I'm so sorry that it happened, and I can't imagine how awful you feel right now, but, I'm sending all my love to you, I really hope you feel better soon and stay safe, you can always message me if you ever need to talk. <3