Story Did anyone else's parents display more affection towards other children

[Gaga786]

Mine did for the least part. I don't think my father ever spent much time with me. It's almost more like he was concerned about other people's children and trying to ensure they are happy.

Once we went to a farm house with all my relatives and I saw my father, rather than spending much time with me and bonding with me, he was playing, swimming, and bonding with my cousins– the very same people who would torment me and bully me.
When I confronted him about it, he said that he doesn't enjoy with me and that im not a good swimmer.

My mother would spend most of the time doing charity work and going to different hospitals to help children out as a form of charity. I am happy that she chose to do such work, but at my expense ? really. I would come home from school with no one in the house being present because she was busy helping others. I had no one to talk to, share my day with, help me with my homework.

And when she did come home after long hours, she would take out her frustration towards me by screaming, crying, wishing that I was never born, banging her head on doors and walls, hitting herself.

Now I do crave that love ,especially fatherly affection, that I never received, which is a factor pushing me to CTB
Was this common for anyone else ?

 

[stillunemployed]

Sort of relate. My father had me specifically to be a trophy, when that didnt work out, a punching bag. And now that *that* is not going well for him, some sort of plausible deniability scheme for dealing with my half-siblings.

Mom was nice, although always very naive, content with burying her head in the sand and pretend everything was fine.

I suppose someday, maybe soon it will dawn on you, like it did for me. that your parents are just idiots.

My advice for you would be to leave them and try to live without them. Dont give them much info either.

It will be hard as fuck, but at least then you wont have to eat their shit anymore.

 

[Gaga786]

Sort of relate. My father had me specifically to be a trophy, when that didnt work out, a punching bag. And now that *that* is not going well for him, some sort of plausible deniability scheme for dealing with my half-siblings.

Mom was nice, although always very naive, content with burying her head in the sand and pretend everything was fine.

I suppose someday, maybe soon it will dawn on you, like it did for me. that your parents are just idiots.

My advice for you would be to leave them and try to live without them. Dont give them much info either.

It will be hard as fuck, but at least then you wont have to eat their shit anymore.

Thank you. It's just that I'm dependent on them because I can't work or do anything productive

 

[BornHated]

I lucked out in being an only child, but there was definitely a moment where I noticed that my mother didn't really like me much.
There was nothing I ever did or made for her that she found satisfactory, though. I gave her my lifeline but she still clutches onto the small gifts her students gave her back in the day when she was a Spanish teacher. Nothing I ever did or could do was enough, she'd just want more and get mad when I made any progress with my own life.
I did notice this in the way our two dogs were treated. The calm, sweet quiet one was locked up all day and I was the only one who would give him attention and the other violent one that attacks every dog in sight and would steal the other one's food would get all the free passes and cooing the minute anything remotely happened to her.
Now that the bully dog is aging, she's finding her more annoying to deal with and offloads her to me.

It sucks. I notice these types of people usually only dote on the kids they relate to and cast aside the other ones, which usually means the more outgoing and dominant people. It's possible he saw himself more in your bullies, they probably lack empathy so they look down on the people they consider "weak."

 

[Gaga786]

I lucked out in being an only child, but there was definitely a moment where I noticed that my mother didn't really like me much.
There was nothing I ever did or made for her that she found satisfactory, though. I gave her my lifeline but she still clutches onto the small gifts her students gave her back in the day when she was a Spanish teacher. Nothing I ever did or could do was enough, she'd just want more and get mad when I made any progress with my own life.
I did notice this in the way our two dogs were treated. The calm, sweet quiet one was locked up all day and I was the only one who would give him attention and the other violent one that attacks every dog in sight and would steal the other one's food would get all the free passes and cooing the minute anything remotely happened to her.
Now that the bully dog is aging, she's finding her more annoying to deal with and offloads her to me.

It sucks. I notice these types of people usually only dote on the kids they relate to and cast aside the other ones, which usually means the more outgoing and dominant people. It's possible he saw himself more in your bullies, they probably lack empathy so they look down on the people they consider "weak."

Yeah, that might have been the case. It just hurts when our own parents treat us that way. This is probably why he never boosted my confidence or catered to my needs. He always prioritised his siblings and their children first, while treating me and my mother like trash. Even when I was being bullied in school, he didn't take it seriously by telling me to just ignore and move on and when I did fight by defending myself, he reprimanded me and got angry with me. It was like he enjoyed seeing me suffer.

 

[BornHated]

Yeah, that might have been the case. It just hurts when our own parents treat us that way. This is probably why he never boosted my confidence or catered to my needs. He always prioritised his siblings and their children first, while treating me and my mother like trash. Even when I was being bullied in school, he didn't take it seriously by telling me to just ignore and move on and when I did fight by defending myself, he reprimanded me and got angry with me. It was like he enjoyed seeing me suffer.

Definitely possible. Have you read about narcissism in parents? It sounds very possible this is the case.
Yes, this sort of behavior is extremely molding towards children. I noticed eventually my mother definitely enjoys watching me suffer. I'm fortunate we live in a time where internet access is available and reading up on the shitty family dynamics that leads to so much dysfunction helped me a lot. I recommend "Healing the Shame That Binds You" to start.

On a subconscious level, these people are very competitive. They hate being outdone and will only show respect towards you when you can exert consistent power over them in a way that blocks out their shitty games. You might have reminded him of a personality type or something that outdid him in the past (or something that he perceives brought him down somehow.) Mine only treats me well when she knows it will serve her (for example, she tends to keep more stable when she knows I can give her money or the knowledge I'm the only child who would take care of her in old age).

Feel free to DM me if you want to talk more about the topic, it's helped me find a lot of closure in my own life and I hope it could help you too.

 

[Gaga786]

Definitely possible. Have you read about narcissism in parents? It sounds very possible this is the case.
Yes, this sort of behavior is extremely molding towards children. I noticed eventually my mother definitely enjoys watching me suffer. I'm fortunate we live in a time where internet access is available and reading up on the shitty family dynamics that leads to so much dysfunction helped me a lot. I recommend "Healing the Shame That Binds You" to start.

On a subconscious level, these people are very competitive. They hate being outdone and will only show respect towards you when you can exert consistent power over them in a way that blocks out their shitty games. You might have reminded him of a personality type or something that outdid him in the past (or something that he perceives brought him down somehow.) Mine only treats me well when she knows it will serve her (for example, she tends to keep more stable when she knows I can give her money or the knowledge I'm the only child who would take care of her in old age).

Feel free to DM me if you want to talk more about the topic, it's helped me find a lot of closure in my own life and I hope it could help you too.

Thank you so much!

 

[Unattainable666]

My narc mother just adored my older sister. Ironically she was into drugs at a very early age, then she became a prostitute and finally died of a drug overdose. Good job Mom - Good thing you only fucked up two of us

 

[leavingsoon99]

Oh yeah. Every child who wasn't me was my mother's favorite. It's why I hate her, and I don't apologize for it. She was and will always be a bitch. I threw her ashes in the trash. See, my mother was a religious, self-righteous narcissist. So, EVERYONE loved her. She fronted like she was this perfect mother, despite her 5 marriages and how she abused me. She was a total and utter piece of shit. I don't feel bad at all for calling her that. Fuck that woman.

 

[Pluto]

Nfather was this to the extreme. It's worth noting that he was abandoned by his own father as a child and grew up in a rough boarding school. He developed deep lifelong bonds with his schoolfriends while viewing his own family as a chore. The result was a reversal of the usual mindset of putting family first and colleagues second.

When I was a teenager, I learned that he'd spent time having lunches with his students, passionately being there to support them in their lives. Like an actual father. I felt cheated. He would usually avoid me altogether, or make demeaning remarks, like speaking to me as if I were a 2 year old. The whole family was well trained to do the same thing: direct all love towards everyone except me, then if I show any emotion, use that as grounds to reinforce my unworthiness of care. An endless game of beating the troublemaker into conformity.

As I stopped functioning properly, he went around portraying me as a retard who was incapable of functioning, and himself as my concerned 'carer'. I was so brainwashed by this narrative that I didn't even try to get a job or connect with new people. He went around doing free favours for people and was viewed as a saint. I was defamed to the point where nobody wanted anything to do with me, and if I tried to tell anyone he's a brutaliser, they reacted viciously. It took a long time to get away from Nparents and I've had to function with zero support and major trauma. I avoid them outright now, and have for many years.

In short: yes, this is a thing. It goes by various names. One term is street angel, house devil. I've heard the term 'pseudo-saint' to refer to the tendency to seduce outsiders to cover up the sadistic tendencies.

My advice is to gain a basic understanding of Dark Triad personalities and dysfunctional family dynamics. You do not have to resolve anything or achieve 'forgiveness'. You do have to get away and cut them off at any cost, and your new journey becomes about recovering your identity enough to avoid repeating the same patterns of mistreatment in future relationships. This is hard because we don't actually notice when we are being mistreated since it's 'normal'. Support is important.

 

[Aya&Dazy]

My dad is so sweet to other kids. He spoiled them with love but he wasn't show much emotion with me. It made me want to bully those kids out of jealousy.

 

[heatdeath]

Pretty convinced at least my Dad loves my younger sister more than me even though she doesn't talk to us at all. High-paying job, big house, etc. They're so fucking proud of her.

Is it wrong to want to CTB for spite (among other reasons)?

 

[vampire2002]

i relate to this a lot. my mother was always nicer to other children than she was to my brother and i. i have a lot of cousins and i honestly get envious when they visit because she's so much nicer to them. she praises them and i can tell my family has always compared me to them and what they've accomplished.
even the younger ones, she does so many fun little things with them that she rarely ever did with my brother and i as kids because she was so absent during my childhood. it's honestly made me resent my cousins a bit out of jealousy, stupid as it sounds.